What to do about living arrangements with my boyfriend?

jelliebellie

my boyf and i are together just over 5 years.for the 1st couple of years we were together i usually spent roughly 5 out 7 nights of the week in his parents house with him. we moved in together 2 years ago and we found it very hard to get used to, which is understandable. we lived in a flat where he used to get rent allowance for the 1st year, then when he got a job we moved to a house where the rent was a bit higher. he has loans that he is trying to pay off before we apply for a mortgage early next year. we are finding it tough to keep on top of all our bills. we are contemplating that we both move back in with our parents for a couple of months to save on money and so he can pay his loan quicker. on top of it all, we havent been getting on great over the last few months. mainly because i am so stressed all of the time about money matters, work and college (i am studyin for a degree by night) so he suggested that the space might be good for us also. i am not sure what we should do. there isnt much room at my parents house and i dont think i could handle it there anyway, very stressful household - nobody gets on with one another! then he suggested we both moved in with his parents. im not sure about that either

bambera

Speaking from experiance, I would suggest you don't both move in to either parents house.

Have you considered moving into a smaller place again for a year to save up money?

SarahSassy

I would wonder, seeing as you found it hard to live together, if buying a house is a good move..

bluecell99

Firstly I would say dont move in with either set of parents at the moment.Whatever the underlying problems in your relationship I reckon they wont be solved this way.You say you have not been getting along too well.Is it just because of money pressures or something else?You say he has "loans" to pay off.Would this be part of the problem as to why ye are'nt gettin on?

His suggestion about "space" as well suggests to me that he is not sure about things generally.Living arrangements are secondary to the realtionship itself as if things are basically sound then it doesnt really matter where you live or with whom.

Payong off loans to then plunge into a mortgage situation in a few months is going from the frying pan into the fire.

I would examine things a bit more before making any decision as to where you live now or in the future.

jelliebellie

we have learnt to get along great living together in the 2 years we have been. we are still very much in love and know that we want to be together for the foreseeable future. i know he hasnt got any doubts about our relationship in general, he just suggested that maybe living at home with my parents for a few months would ease my worries and stress.

we definitely want to buy a house together but not yet, hopefully next january, all going well.
we have decided that both of us moving in with his parents is not an option. i couldnt handle the lack of privacy, as it is quite a small house.

the decision we need to make is do we each move back in with our own parents for a couple of months or stay where we are and just try save money by cutting back on other things?? and also making an effort to not get so worried and stressed, hence not getting in a mood with him?

we have looked into moving to a smaller place but its not very worthwhile. the bit of money we would save wouldnt be much and we would prob need to pay some place to use their storage space. we have some of our own furniture, 3 piece suite and few other bits.

the reason we are having problems is mainly because as i said i am stressed most of the time because of money problems, college and work commitments. i get moody and take it out on him (which i know i shouldnt, i always feel terrible afterwards).

sunnyside

jelliebellie wrote: »

the reason we are having problems is mainly because as i said i am stressed most of the time because of money problems, college and work commitments. i get moody and take it out on him (which i know i shouldnt, i always feel terrible afterwards).

Sounds like a fairly common problem. Can I suggest you start to read the PI forum regularly. Loads of threads here are about such problems. I often find that advice posted for somebody else is relevant to me too. I have learned loads about relationships from this forum.

If money problems are causing such stress at the moment it might be better to postpone the house purchase for a bit longer. Hopefully when you finish the degree and the economy improves you will earn more.