My boyfriend and 'his own world'

LegacyUser

I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. We're in our early 20's. During the last few months, when I'm speaking with him- about 1/3 of the time at least, I can tell he's not listening to me. He'll appear distant. I said one day 'ah, you're off in your own world again'... and he said, 'yeah, sorry'. He asked me if it annoyed me. I answered saying that if that's part of him, then I'm not going to try and change it. But these last few weeks, I've become a bit insecure over it, wondering if he's just not that into me?.

I'll have to speak with him again if it keeps happening. I don't want to threaten this world in his head, as he is quite creative (as am I- although I can keep focused if someone's having a conversation with me). Also- sometimes he starts smirking at something he has just thought of in his head and doesn't tell me what it is, I feel really left out, as we both have a similar sense of humour. It's almost like he's spaced out a lot of the time, without smoking any weed. Has anyone any experience of this type of thing?. I love him and he says he loves me etc, but he zones out so often, I'm beginning to question that. Thanks for any replies in advance.

hussey

welcome to my world.
I do that 70% of the time, when people talk to me I drift off,

The only difference between me and your boyfriend is that, I know when to nod and say "Oh yeah/ok/something"

It is not that he is not into you, he lacks concentration skills, if you can to chat to him, try to just have you and him, e.g. turn off tv etc

LegacyUser

hussey wrote: »

welcome to my world.
I do that 70% of the time, when people talk to me I drift off,

The only difference between me and your boyfriend is that, I know when to nod and say "Oh yeah/ok/something"

It is not that he is not into you, he lacks concentration skills, if you can to chat to him, try to just have you and him, e.g. turn off tv etc

Yeah I do this too. Its an ADD thing. Theres two (at least) types of ADD, one where you get all hyper and stuff and one where you drift off into your own world and loose focus. Sounds like hes doing the second one. Not that this necessarily means he has ADD or anything, just that its normal.

It doesnt seem like its that hes losing interest if he asked you if it annoyed you afterwards, seems more like something he has no control over (well, not a lot of control anyway) then something hes feeling guilty about (like getting caught in the act of being bored when your talking). Talk to him about it again if it happens but you cant really feel bad about him not sharing his thoughts with you . I know I sometimes think about stupid stuff that makes me smile when other people are talking that I wouldnt feel comfortable sharing

John Mason

i spend most of my time in my own little world, it is so much nicer there.

i regularly loses conversations by just zoning out

its pretty normal, you cant be interest in what someone is saying to you all the time.

i mean, if he mentions football i am gone for about 40 mins

Latchy

It's quite common in a lot of men OP .It's not so much he isin't intrested in what your saying but might just be his train of thought is 'somewere else ' when your speaking .But annoying none the less .

blah

I find I have an opposing problem. My girlfriend talks to me a lot, whether I'm in the next room, or busy cooking or cleaning, watching tv or playing xbox and she assumes I'm paying attention. And even when I'm not busy, I'm not necessarily listening. As she says, "No-one is more interested in you, than you." I don't like people to assume that because they're talking, I'm always listening.

Sorry but I think most of the time it's rudeness and bad manners - they're so self involved they can't even be bothered to pay attention to someone in front of them. And I have terrible problems with ADD, went to specialists for it as a kid because I zoned out of all my classes.

I don't like people to assume that because they're talking, I'm always listening.

Well tell them you're busy, don't let them keep talking. Manners cost nothing. It's not that difficult to say 'I'm on the XBox honey, I'll come in to you later' or whatever. I do zone out of conversations sometimes, but I think it's definitely my own problem and I'm trying to work on it.

blah

[quote=[Deleted User];60004283] It's not that difficult to say 'I'm on the XBox honey, I'll come in to you later' or whatever. [/QUOTE]

TheGirlfriend wrote:

Sometimes I think you love that xbox more than you love me!

:D:D

Milkey Bar Kid

I daydream alot of the time when my g/f talks to me . once i say yeah and no and um hum at the right times she doesn't notice. I thought everyone does that.

Latchy

The probelm I use to have with one particular (elderly) relative is that he would turn up as usual and find me in the middle of something ie , housework ,cooking , finishing something on pc or worst of all , be on the phone and expect me to just drop everything like ' hey I've arrived ' .

Then he rambles on about nothing in particular for about an hr . Well No sorry ,If I am discussing something with somebody on the phone , be it business or personal chat or I'm up to my eyes in it , you wait and he does .

togster

It's very common amongst men. I used to do it alot. OP if your boyfriend is aware of it, thats half the battle. Practice will help.

On the other hand alot of women get caught up in their emotions. Which can be equally as detrimental.

Just because it's normal, doesn't make it right.

biko

It also depends on how much, and in which way, you are talking. My gf, bless her, has a habit of talking to herself when I'm in the room and I don't pay much attention but suddenly she has said something addressing me and I never copped the difference.

LegacyUser

some guys have a tendency to lose the ability to engage in deep meaningful convos over the course of a long relationship.its up to both parties to seek methods of keeping the spark alive.
if that fails tho make him a nice meal and give him oral sex.

silvine

Seems harmless to me. Ever seen Scrubs??

vibe666

i do the same thing all the time.

we've actually made a bit of a joke out of it.

whenever herself says something to me along the lines of "but i told you that last week", i always reply "not when I was listening you didn't". then she punches me in the face and we have a good laugh about it.

well, maybe not that last bit.

LegacyUser

Hi, just to say thanks for the replies. It's good to see that it seems to happen to other people too. I'm glad I haven't had a major argument with my boyfriend over it, as it's probably just part of him!. All is good.

bangersandmash

[quote=[Deleted User];60004283]Well tell them you're busy, don't let them keep talking. Manners cost nothing. It's not that difficult to say 'I'm on the XBox honey, I'll come in to you later' or whatever. [/QUOTE]
That's a little simplistic. Unsurprisingly not everyone will react well to being told you're busy when they're speaking.

There are many people who assume that as soon as they open their mouth, everyone around them should automatically stop what they're doing and listen. That's equally rude and inconsiderate. The same people often find it difficult to comprehend that some people take time to think things over rather than saying whatever happens to be on their mind.

pisslips

I think everyone does it probably women too.
I find it's often because i visualise everything, so if your explaining something I need a picture of it, I can distracted then and run off on a tangent.
I need to spend hours organising my thoughts aswell, sometimes things are out of place, you have to put them back before you forget what you were thinking about.
Also women seem to be able to think about more than one thing at the same time. I can only conscentrate on one task at a time.

twinkle_toes

i used to have that problem of me talkin to a blank face and nothing registering. i just gave up talking. i have friends and free vodafone to vodafone calls and texts. am not stuck for someone that'll actually listen. and is there a single relationship where xbox isnt womans worst enemy??? piece of home-wreakin sh*t

LegacyUser

I do it from time to time with my b/f but only really when he's ****ing on about football or something. If we're having a discussion about something important, or I can see that what he's talking about really excites him or he can't wait to tell me something, of course I'll listen!

I don't think its mean or disrespectful or anything. Its just something that probably happens when two people spend a lot of time in each other's company.

Feck, I'm sure my b/f does it to me too!! And who can blame him, who seriously wants to hear me rant on for 20 mins about what's happening to Roman in Home & Away eh!?

cafecolour

As many have said, I do it myself as well, to everyone.. I don't intentionally, and it's not even just if something isn't interesting - it's like a switch flips and just mentally jump elsewhere, and forget to jump back for a while.

G-Money

I do this all the time. Whether I'm talking to someone or in a meeting at work or something my mind drifts off and I start thinking of other things. It can be just something really stupid like what I'm going to make for dinner or what I need to buy on the way home. The odd time I will think of a funny joke that I've heard and that will make me smirk.

I wouldn't worry about it too much if I were you.

estar

that happens to me frequently. its probably why we are still together!!!!

as long as he listens to the important things thats all that matters to me.

upmeath

wonderingwhy wrote: »

I've become a bit insecure over it, wondering if he's just not that into me?

Don't worry OP, it could be a problem on his part. He may suffer from ADHD, it could be only very mild and thus far undiagnosed but being easily distracted could be something worth looking into.
Or there's something else going on in his mind (bear in mind I said something else, not someone else! ) Is he under pressure with work/exams at the minute, even sport, or is there anyone unwell at home?
Ask your OH about these, and be supportive. It's not any fault of yours but try to get to the bottom of what's going on in his head when his concentration lapses. It'll be a great help for both of you.

Bob Z

sorry what were you saying?

idontknowmyname

don't worry about it- i'm a girl and 27-I do it a lot. I don't mean to stop listening but I just can't focus long enough and just zone out- I get a glazed look in my eyes. My sister is always giving out to me about it!
I was out in the local nightclub with a friend, we were chatting away and mid conversation I just walked away as I'd seen someone I know- he reckons I've an attention span of two minutes, I'm awful!

It's gotten me into trouble in job interviews, one guy started waffling on and I zoned out, next thing I hear is 'so what would you choose, option A or option B', I was like uh oh! managed to blag it though and got the job