Worried about sleeping with new man

LegacyUser

Hi all,
I've been seeing a guy for over a month now.Im really attracted to him both physically and mentally. On the third date we went back to his and fooled aroud a bit and then the last time I met him (7th date or so) we slept together. We were both quite drunk at the time.

I feel a bit slutty for sleeping with him so soon.Im worried that he might think I jump into bed with all the guys I date this fast. Thing is Im not that experienced at all. Im in my late 20's and only been with 2 men,and I can count the number of times I slept with them on one hand. I havent any experience really in giving oral sex and im really unsure when it comes to actual sex.

I told my new guy that I wasnt that experienced and he brushed it off saying It didnt matter to him. However,it really irks me. I dont want to be a let down in bed. He's a nice guy, I feel comfortable with him and I want to sleep with him but In sacred he'll go off me big time when he starts to realise I dont have much of an idea what Im doing.

I want to be able to relax with him and enjoy the physical side of our relationship but I cant do this now when I am stressing about how bad I will be the next time we sleep together probably sober.Shall I bring up again how I am inexperienced and so am a bit nervous?Or is it best not to keep harping on about my inexperience as this may be off putting and just not say anything?

Thanks

LegacyUser

If the guy likes you he likes you. Relax, enjoy and communicate....Tell him what you'd like and ask him what's good for him..

To be honest it's more endearing when a girl you like is not too good in bed! (Initially;)

LegacyUser

First of all don't feel in the slightest bit slutty for sleeping with him after 7 dates! Thats a very respectful number if you don't want to come across as slutty. It also shows that hes very into you which is always a good thing.

He has already said it doesn't bother him so I don't see the point in bringing it up again.

If it makes you feel any better I always found inexperienced girls better in bed! They haven't got it into their head that "this is the way to do it right" instead they do what they want.

So just be yourself, relax and enjoy!!!

Terodil

Hi OP.

intimacy issues wrote: »

I've been seeing a guy for over a month now.Im really attracted to him both physically and mentally. On the third date we went back to his and fooled aroud a bit and then the last time I met him (7th date or so) we slept together.

First of all, congrats on finding somebody you clicked with.

We were both quite drunk at the time.

I feel a bit slutty for sleeping with him so soon.Im worried that he might think I jump into bed with all the guys I date this fast.

TBH I think the problem is more on your side than on his. I really don't think you need to worry, it's a non-issue. You both wanted it. Sorry for answering with questions, but I really think that you should answer these:
- What about him? Why do you think you're 'a bit slutty' and... he isn't?
- Would you still feel attracted to him if he judged you for agreeing to do something he wanted as well?

To be honest, I'm always a bit appalled at the fact that society (and girls themselves) consider girls 'slutty' for having sex while it's perfectly ok for boys. =/

I told my new guy that I wasnt that experienced and he brushed it off saying It didnt matter to him. However,it really irks me. I dont want to be a let down in bed. He's a nice guy, I feel comfortable with him and I want to sleep with him but In sacred he'll go off me big time when he starts to realise I dont have much of an idea what Im doing.

What kind of guy would he have to be to 'go off you big time' if he saw you were inexperienced?

God really, you're wayyyy overthinking this. (I know, I've been in your shoes.) Both partners in a relationship learn how the other works, if you're experienced or not can just give you a little head start. But even the most experienced people can fail spectacularly if they assume too much, usually in the way of 'it's always worked this way, it'll work again'. Communication (and observation!) are key.

If you're good at observing, you can try out things and see how he reacts. Thankfully with guys it's pretty visible. Observe his breathing, his muscles, his eyes. If you're not, talk with him. Ask him if specific things feel good to him or if you need to change your approach. He would be an absolute dork if he didn't guide you or thought any less of you because you asked.

Not asking and not observing, however, is a different thing You can only gain here really, your inexperience can work in your favour, actually!

I want to be able to relax with him and enjoy the physical side of our relationship but I cant do this now when I am stressing about how bad I will be the next time we sleep together probably sober.Shall I bring up again how I am inexperienced and so am a bit nervous?Or is it best not to keep harping on about my inexperience as this may be off putting and just not say anything?

Again, you really should not stress about inexperience. Firstly, as said above, experience would most probably not help you all that much to begin with. Secondly, most guys will find you cute for it and gladly help. If they didn't, I would really suggest you re-think your relationship with them, because IMO it would show a serious character flaw.

You can mention your 'inexperience' once again (since you were drunk last time) but don't overdo it. There's a difference between inexperience and insecurity (god I hate that word, but I can't think of anything else, sorry). Know that for *good* sex, anybody would be in your position, and their past experiences would be worthless. You don't need to (and shouldn't) put yourself down for a lack of something of doubtful relevance for your current situation. Just focus on what you are doing and talk about that.

Beruthiel

intimacy issues wrote: »

Im in my late 20's and only been with 2 men,and I can count the number of times I slept with them on one hand. I havent any experience really in giving oral sex and im really unsure when it comes to actual sex.

Why not just tell him that and ask him to teach you?
He might find the notion very attractive.

hussey

intimacy issues wrote: »

I feel a bit slutty for sleeping with him so soon.Im worried that he might think I jump into bed with all the guys I date this fast.

relax ... don't worry, there is no correct time for sleeping with somepne, other than when you (and he) wants to. simple as that.

he also slept with you, unless he's full of double standards he won't think that at all.

you seem to be worried, when he isn't, as Beruthiel said, why not ask him,

also practice makes perfect! First time sex can be very awkward as you are still getting to know the person physically. It takes time to figure it all out

Part of the fun about sex is practising!

I'd think it's rather rare that any couple, no matter how experienced they are from previous relationships, would have nothing to learn from each other.

Is he a good guy? I guess if you like him so much he is ... in that case, give him some credit and try to relax and enjoy yourself. As another poster said, your honesty about your inexperience is endearing.

It's OK to have a drink or two to relax if you're nervous next time but I advise you NOT to get drunk again, that's not the way to get through this.

Just wondering ... your username is "intimacy issues". Is it that THAT'S part of the problem, rather than inexperience?

In any case don't fret, relax and enjoy your new relationship and let the sex come naturally.

Faith

Girls are quite lucky when it comes to sex, in that inexperience isn't such a big deal as it is for guys. Generally, as long as you relax and just go with it, you'll be good. Do what feels pleasurable for yourself without second guessing. From guys I've talked to, girls are only described as "bad in bed" if they lie there like a sack of potatoes. Show some enthusiasm and you'll be fine!

As for oral sex, that's a little trickier. The main point is don't use your teeth! There's hundreds of websites out there describing the best way to give oral sex. Friends of mine found that they picked up useful information about basic techniques from watching amateur porn (although many will disagree with this).

Mostly, you just need to relax and believe that it will be good. Bear in mind that, when with a new person, it takes a while to get things right anyway. Often you'll sleep together several times before it's great. You need to learn each others bodies and what the other person likes, and previous experience is not that much of a help.

AARRRGH

intimacy issues wrote: »

the last time I met him (7th date or so) we slept together

7th date is definitely not slutty!

Regarding your worries... assuming you have a working vagina it's going to be pretty hard for you to disappoint him in bed...!

My advice to you is this:

DON'T KEEP TALKING ABOUT HOW INSECURE YOU ARE

Seriously, if you don't make a big deal about your lack of experience (which I'm telling you he probably won't notice) then there won't be any problem.

Just relax, have sex, enjoy yourself... and everything will be great.

Seriously, just relax and go with the flow. You have nothing to worry about.

LegacyUser

Terodil wrote: »

Hi OP.


Sorry for answering with questions, but I really think that you should answer these:
- What about him? Why do you think you're 'a bit slutty' and... he isn't?
- Would you still feel attracted to him if he judged you for agreeing to do something he wanted as well?
.

You know I never though of it like that. I dont think him 'slutty' for sleeping with me at all so I guess why would he?!


Thanks for all the replies,I think I am overthinking this a bit too much.I should just go with the flow and enjoy the experience.








You can mention your 'inexperience' once again (since you were drunk last time) but don't overdo it. There's a difference between inexperience and insecurity (god I hate that word, but I can't think of anything else, sorry). Know that for *good* sex, anybody would be in your position, and their past experiences would be worthless. You don't need to (and shouldn't) put yourself down for a lack of something of doubtful relevance for your current situation. Just focus on what you are doing and talk about that.[/QUOTE]

upmeath

Beruthiel wrote: »

Why not just tell him that and ask him to teach you?

Easier said than done, no? I can imagine it being quite daunting telling someone you're inexperienced.

OP I'd simply ask what he likes, give it a go and if you're still maybe slightly unsure or nervous then just ask if you're doing it right, he'll gladly instruct you on the finer points of what turns him on. Who knows, maybe you underestimate yourself and you're a lot better and more experienced than you had previously thought? Good luck!

Terodil

sorry to repeat myself but asking is only one option, watching is another! our body language is sooo expressive, if only you take the time to observe properly!