Random thoughts

Hagar · 26-04-2009 12:51pm #1

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

A little necrophelia never killed anyone

A man went to a zoo. The only animal was a dog. It was a ****zu.

A religious war is like children fighting over who has the strongest imaginary friend

Anyone can quit smoking, it takes a real man to fight cancer

Before you insult a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, whern you insult him, you'll be a mile away, and have his shoes.

Being dyslexic has drawbacks. I once went to a toga party dressed as a goat

brb has lost all meaning... since when did brb mean "be back in 4 hours after lunch"

Bulimia: twice the taste, none of the calories

Children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children
Coffee just isn't my cup of tea

Depression is just anger without enthusiasm.

Don't drink water - fish have sex in it

Dyslexics Of The World Untie
Faith may move mountains but it was the whip that built the pyramids.

Five seconds later, I'm getting the upside of 15Kv across the nipples. (These ambulance guys sure know how to party).

Flatulence : An emergency vehicle that transports patients to the hospital after being squashed by a steamroller

For Sale: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britainica. Never read because wife already knows everything

Girls are like square numbers, if they're under 13 just do them in your head.

Give a man a match and he'll be warm for a minute; set him on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

God: An invisible friend for adults

He didn't know if it was a pistol in her pocket or she was just pleased to see him, but neither option looked good.

He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia

Hurricanes are like women: when they come, they're wet and wild, but when they leave they take your house and car.

I am going to call my kids Ctrl, Alt and Delete. Then if they muck up i will just hit them all at once.

I beat up a whte guy - got charged with GBH. I beat up a black guy - got charged with impersonating a police officer!

I cry during sex.... fncking Mace

I dream of a better tomorrow... where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives

I enjoy using the comedy technique of self-deprecation - but I'm not very good at it.

I like my women the way i like my coffee; Ground up and in the freezer

I miss you like a retard misses the point

I put the sexy in dyslexic.

I still miss my ex-girlfriend... but my aim is improving

I wish my lawn was emo so it would cut itself.

I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code.

I'd like to meet the person who invented sex, and see what they're working on now.