Has my husband lost interest?

LegacyUser

Hi
I don't know to start really but the problem is that while my husband used to psend a lot of time away, and now he's around more we don't spend enough quality time together. I make all the suggestions to do things and he just says he doesn't mind. A few times he'll start a petty argument and make a big deal out of it so he can sit and watch sport all day.

A friend of mine and her husband spend every living moment together. It feels like I must rub him up the wrong way. We're married 2 years by the way. When we argue he doesn't apologise, he doesn't try to make it up. I hate to focus on the bad points but it sometimes feels like he doesn't want me around. I've tried talking to him and asking what's wrong and i'm told everythings fine.

I have to initiate sex and it's been that way for the past 2 months or so. He's interested and doesn't push me away but won't initiate it himself. I just want him to invite me somewhere, Ask me to do something with him, write me a little note a bit of romance, cook me dinner some night just something and I don't know how to express that.

Sorry I don't know if I'm even making sense. Does anyone have any feedback or advice? Thanks

star-pants

You say he used to spend a lot of time away - did that mean ye only had the odd weekend together or?
Just if that was the case, and now you're around 24/7 he may not be used to it. (not excusing him) But it might be that it was special to see you at intervals whereas things have changed because ye are both together all the time.
Have you tried bringin him out to dinner? Out for a romantic walk? Things like that?

Qprmeath

Have circumstances changed job wise. Is something else bothering him? Men tend to bury a lot of stuff rather than confront issues

LegacyUser

Hi thanks for answering. He used to be away a lot on weekends and we would only see each other once every third weekend or whatever but circumstances changed. His job is safe.

So maybe he's not used to seeing me all the time? Obviously we live together but you know when you're working and on the go during the week.
He thinks i'm over analysing things. Am I?

I love him to pieces and we do have fun but he can be very introvert and I get frozen out. It's happened for entire weekends sometimes. It leaves me wanting him to cuddle me, kiss me, hold my hand anything... but surely you shouldn't feel like this when you're married? I mean we're supposed to be secure knowing we've tied the knot.

Anyway rant over I appreciate your responses. I just want feedback on how i'm feeling.

star-pants

You're correct in thinking that you should be comfortable being around each other / being intimate, even just holding hands. Do you feel you can't do that?
May I ask if you guys lived together before getting married? If ye hadn't spent a good bulk of time living together it might be an adjustment period. Would he be working the weekends he was away? Or part socialising? Might he be missing that?

Sorry for so many questions - I'm just seeing if we can figure out why perhaps he's seeming off. You've said this to him and he's said you're over analysing? He feels happy enough with how things are?

LegacyUser

No he played sport but he's not planning to continue after this season, meaning he has a lot more time off. He's just very independent and can be stubborn.

We were gong out a year and a half when we got married and we moved in together pretty much after 2 months of dating lol so nice n slow. He is just the way he is. I can't change him and I don't want to. He's the type of person that doesn't his own thing and i'd love him to include me more but he doesn't.

He'll come in the evenings and watch telly in a diff room, go on the lap top do his own thing and I'll go into him and give him a cuddle and lie with him for a while but the point is it doesn't bother him that we're watching separate things. So I thought we should do more on the weekends... now he says that I'm putting too much emphasis on it. That we should just do what's natural. that we shouldn't waste money on the cinema etc etc One thing we do, do together is go to the gym or pool, we watch one program each week together. But should we do doing more? Are other couples more romantic? We make our own dinner etc. Just wish he made a little bit more of a fuss of me I can't explain it properly lol

LegacyUser

Oh I should've said also that he thinks we fight a lot and isn't 100% happy. He says he doesn't have the answers though. I got very upset today and he did come over and hold me and said I analyse things too much and he hates seeing me upset. We made up and it was lovely but then the same things happen again and again. I just want us to enjoy being together

Salome

I don't think it's healthy to compare your relationship with your husband to your friends' relationship with theirs. Everyones relationship is different. You'll drive yourself mad if you do. Some couples do spend every waking minute, some don't - there's no correct way of having a relationship.

Unregistered

Unregistered wrote: »

He'll come in the evenings and watch telly in a diff room, go on the lap top do his own thing ... it doesn't bother him that we're watching separate things ... One thing we do, do together is go to the gym or pool, we watch one program each week together ...We make our own dinner etc.

Are you guys flatmates?

YES, you should be doing more (romantic) things together! You don't need to compare yourselves to other couples or measure how romantic different partnerships are, but YOU clearly want more intimacy and/or romance in your OWN relationship. You're not over-analysing, it's quite simple. He wants to do his own thing rather than what you want to do!

I guess you could tell him that you want at least one "date" night a week to make it as straightforward as possible for him to understand what's going on in your head/heart and I suppose he could do his "own thing" the rest of the time but ... I dunno, he seems to be quite self-centred.

togster

OP everyones relationship is different. You are not over-analysing things if you feel you are not getting what you want.

I would say he is right on one thing. It should be natural.

Word of warning: Over-analysing a relationship can kill the magic and ultimately the relationship.

Take a step back and relax. If you love him and he loves you it will work out.

LegacyUser

Thanks so much for your messages. He asked me to the gym yesterday and we ended up doing that going clothes shopping and good shopping we even helped each other choose outfits for work etc. Was a good day. I think he thinks I put too much pressure on him to come up with ideas for spending time together. How do you let someone know you'd like them to do more romantic things? I don't want to over analyse things - just wish he'd make a bit more of a fuss... Am I doomed to constantly look at things this way????? Argh

star-pants

That sounds like a good day. Maybe he does feel under pressure to come up with things. But shouldn't always be down to him - why don't you plan something romantic? that way he know's what you like and might give him ideas for future.