Boyfriend troubles...

LegacyUser

Hi everyone
Im so confused right now and would really really appreciate some help.
Well here goes... Around 2 months ago during a massive row with my boyfriend well we had been arguing constantly for a few weeks before that and to be honest we just werent really getting on with each other. Anyway during the fight an awful lot of hurtful things were said to eachother and although he didnt hit me or use any force it did come close. Well i was really angry with him the weeks after ended up breaking up with him for a week or two but we got back together again he really is a very genuine and good guy and we both had had too much to drink on that night. Anyway heres where it gets complicated in the last 2 weeks he has gone really cold on me seemed like he hadnt really much interest in us and last nite he broke up with me. His reason was that he could never forgive himself for what happened that night during our row and that i deserved so much better. He was in bits telling me and now im in bits i have told him that i forgive him and that it doesnt matter but he just says he cant get over it.
Please does anybody have any advice on how i can get him to come around i really hate seemed him like this and i just want him back.
Thanks for reading...x

star-pants

I would wonder if that is the true reason or if he's just using it because he knows you'll be more sympathetic about the breakup. (sorry to be cynical)
If ye were arguing so much maybe that was a sign things weren't working. He gave it another shot & still feels the same?

Latchy

star-pants wrote: »

I would wonder if that is the true reason or if he's just using it because he knows you'll be more sympathetic about the breakup. (sorry to be cynical)

That was what I thought as well and I dont want to appear cynical either .

Perhaps OP you can get together and explain to him it's all in the past ,then move onto a new chapter in the relationship .

stevelknievel

You probably won't want to hear this but I think he is using that as an excuse, to make the break up easier. I think if you were fighting for quite some time, then there were other problems. Whatever they were, I'd say they are the reason for the break up, not the big row you had. The best thing you can do now is not try to get him back, to let go and try to start fresh.
I'm sorry, and hope things get better for you

dblennon

Unfortunetly I agree with Star-pants.

He just dosen't see you in the same light, he probably believes it's his fault but when you got back together it must not have been feeling right.

Just IMO though.

LegacyUser

Thank you ye are all so kind even if thats not what i wanted to hear unfortunately.
I dunno just seems like he's throwing away something that could have been so good like for the last few weeks before he went cold on me we were really enjoying ourselves again. Ah i dont know maybe im just so upset and confused now i need a rant. This has just completely knocked me but we were going out almost a yaer an a half so i guess this is to be expected.
Thanks again!

Oh The Humanity

His reason was that he could never forgive himself for what happened that night during our row and that i deserved so much better.

Thats not the real reason. It doesn't make sense. If he wanted to be with you guilt wouldn't stand in his way.

So I reckon its just something kind but final he is saying to try to save your feelings and make himself look better.

For some other more global reason his feelings for you have changed. Dating back to a few weeks before the big row.

What happened a few weeks previous to the row when you noticed you were not getting on any more.....?

Do you think there might be someone else......? Is he at college or does he work....or out of work....what goes on in his daily life.....

meditraitor

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi everyone
Im so confused right now and would really really appreciate some help.
Well here goes... Around 2 months ago during a massive row with my boyfriend well we had been arguing constantly for a few weeks before that and to be honest we just werent really getting on with each other. Anyway during the fight an awful lot of hurtful things were said to eachother and although he didnt hit me or use any force it did come close. Well i was really angry with him the weeks after ended up breaking up with him for a week or two but we got back together again he really is a very genuine and good guy and we both had had too much to drink on that night. Anyway heres where it gets complicated in the last 2 weeks he has gone really cold on me seemed like he hadnt really much interest in us and last nite he broke up with me. His reason was that he could never forgive himself for what happened that night during our row and that i deserved so much better. He was in bits telling me and now im in bits i have told him that i forgive him and that it doesnt matter but he just says he cant get over it.
Please does anybody have any advice on how i can get him to come around i really hate seemed him like this and i just want him back.
Thanks for reading...x

The old ones are always the best!

He more than likely wants to break up with you and is using the old "its not you its me " routine

Kimia

I don't think that he's using it as an excuse.

I think he's horrified about how destructive your fights have become, and genuinely wants to break up with you so that you can both sort your heads out.

It's (sorry for saying it) probably for the best.

LegacyUser

Oh The Humanity wrote: »

Thats not the real reason. It doesn't make sense. If he wanted to be with you guilt wouldn't stand in his way.

So I reckon its just something kind but final he is saying to try to save your feelings and make himself look better.

For some other more global reason his feelings for you have changed. Dating back to a few weeks before the big row.

What happened a few weeks previous to the row when you noticed you were not getting on any more.....?

Do you think there might be someone else......? Is he at college or does he work....or out of work....what goes on in his daily life.....

Looking back on it over the last few days it was nearly always the case that it was me being snappy with him for no reason really and his jealousy of other guys when we were out particulary one of my friends BF who i will admit was always trying to be a little more than friendly towards me!

Were both in college spent a lot of time together it was only during the time of our easter holidays that he began to change when we barely spent much time together. Maybe i suppose he realised that he didnt have the same feelings for me any more and that was the best he could come up. Deep down tho i do think it could be true that the reason he gave me was the real reason he broke up with me he really was very hard on himself for it even up until the day we broke up.

Oh i dunno guess im just gonna have to meet him again and for another long talk even hate the thoughts of that tho

stevelknievel

Unregistered wrote: »

I dunno just seems like he's throwing away something that could have been so good

Good God I know that feeling. I think most of us do. It does get better though. Can I ask what age you are? Is this your first breakup? You don't want to try and change his mind. That tends to confirm in his head he made the right decision. Give him his space and he might come back to you i na few weeks. Hound him, and he'll become more distant. After your talk, let him know you are disappointed, but try to move on. So long as you don't work/go to college with him, your best bet is to try and avoid him for a few weeks anyway. Delete his number, email add, even your bebo/facebook account if you have to(a couple my friends needed to do that) to stop the drunken communication. It has to be a clean cut. You should try to be around your friends as much as possible, even if you don't want to be. It hurts more when you're alone, and it can lead to serious depression.
Good luck pet. It hurts now but it will get better.

LegacyUser

Just had to post another reply here iv never posted here before and i just think its amazing that all you people take time out of yere own lives to try and help me. Thank you so much i really really appreciate the generosity and kindness. x