Lyrics for Perusual/Opinion-Giving ;)

Driver 8

Library Heart:

She’s in use, not being used
Shelves being perused
A library heart
Thumbed only near the start

She’s not his, at his worst
No longer close enough to hurt
A blind-spot route
She doesn’t want to see the truth

Meaningless flesh
Embellished with the hope he let fade
There to illuminate
But never to console in the shade

Convinced she’s over the rise
Not a consolation prize
She’ll dream just what she saw
Morning’s going to be hollowed out and raw

California Blue:

I felt dependent on the summer sun to be
She was resplendent, but increasingly numb by the sea
Moved to the coast, to make the most of our lives
Far from Albertan winds, unatoned, to survive

Another life, different responses, trees with all their leaves
My wife, self conscious, clothes with long sleeves
Made love in the evenings, mostly deceiving, same old winter lies
All we've wanted, still haunted, ghosts along her thighs

"Frost or sand, I trace with my fingers
More than I'll stand, the need still lingers"

Before My Eyes:

I wandered the streets of Rome
The morning after the fall
Entombed soldiers, buildings smoulder
No trace of you at all
I staked out the Coliseum
On foot on some romantic notion
You’re walled up in a museum
On view for a suggested donation
I’m sure you’d have been worth the wait
Darlin’, we were just too late

I traversed Gettysburg
Gun powder hung in the air
From the flood, tributaries of your blood
But you’re nowhere
Some Belgian girl plays you, re-enacting
Incalculable loss, and the pain that it’s exacting
I’ll do my best, to bear its weight
Darlin’, we were just too late

I sought you on a beach
Named for a Nebraskan town
Too few bullets to fell me, so sugar tell me
If you’re here you’ll make a sound
There’s just a void, silent as the grave
No chance to thank you for all you gave
Sugar, it’s for you, and you alone, I wait
I fear I’m just too late

---

Opinions?

Aridstarling

Just read the first one there, its quite good. I wonder about the length of some lines and whether they fit to melody but other than that its excellent.

I'll do the rest (and the first one properly) when my head is a little less fuzzy and tired.

Ger77

Simplify

Ger77

Not a huge fan of the references to places either... "The things I've seen!"

Driver 8

Without the place references, that last one doesn't really make much sense

donkeypop

Driver 8 wrote: »

Library Heart:

She’s in use, not being used
Shelves being perused
A library heart
Thumbed only near the start

She’s not his, at his worst
No longer close enough to hurt
A blind-spot route
She doesn’t want to see the truth

Meaningless flesh
Embellished with the hope he let fade
There to illuminate
But never to console in the shade

Convinced she’s over the rise
Not a consolation prize
She’ll dream just what she saw
Morning’s going to be hollowed out and raw

Okay, I think there might have been a good idea here where a girl is like a book being checked in and out of the library, not well-treated, getting shabbier has time goes on, but you still love what's inside that book.

You could refer to yourself as the "bookmark moving through her pages", you could use lines like "check her in, check her out, pick her up, put her down"...but above all you HAVE TO keep making references to the analogy. Check out Elvis Costello's "Everyday I write the book":

http://www.elviscostello.info/wiki/index.php/Everyday_I_Write_The_Book

***

As far as California Blue goes, "Hot weather going Cold is Passion cooling down" is a well-worn cliché and as such it would take a lot to make it stretch over the length of a song and not be twee.

***
As far as "Before my eyes" goes, what about an idea about a man moving through time, like a Forrest Gump character, trying desperately to change the course of history so that he would never meet his wife who had died?

Or you could try and write a song about as the husband in "The Time Traveller's Wife", a book by Audrey Niffenburger, which in my opinion would be a more interesting look at what would happen if some people could really move through time.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Time_Traveler's_Wife

I see there's a movie of it coming out soon.

Zenga

Ok il give it a go, im not sure how this will be recieved, the chorus is something ive taken a bit of time writing, the verses were wrote in the last 20 minutes so may be a little weak

Shoulder Chip

I stare at you in shock,
You know you were my rock
Is what I say

I know were great in bed,
But you keep messing my head,
Is your reply

So take this chip off my shoulder,
give me time im so much older, and wiser than before
Pick me up im on the ground, pick me up im feeling down,
give me a second chance once more.

Now youre gone im all alone,
Im like a dog, I aint got no bone
You cut me deep

I see you out on the town,
While im stuck in like a clown,
It better change

So take this chip off my shoulder,
give me time im so much older, and wiser than before
Pick me up im on the ground, pick me up im feeling down,
give me a second chance once more.


I meet you down the shops,
I say how I miss you lots and lots,
You cry and turn away

But now im over you
And you are over me
Time to move on now surely?