Is she a best friend or potential?

LegacyUser

hi, i'm a bloke, she's a girl. been best mates for two years because we like each other. slightly co-dependent. so, now she is going out on the pull, making plans without me and i am really jealous. thing is i did it to her. would sleep with her and then be with someone else a day later. it was grand. we were mates! knew it annoyed her, but really didn't care, shes a mate, she had to stay around.

But now... she's at the same thing. talks about who i score. hate when she brings it up.Hate her talking about other guys. hate the thoughts about her being with another guy. but yet still don't want to marry her but want her for me all at the same time. i think she;s great, i am attracted to her, get on so well, always enjoy myself being around her and when she is around i don't want anyone else to be there. she knows me so well. i would tell her anything.

but now she is changing. she seems to not want to be around me as much. why.? i miss her all the time and she doesn't miss me. why.? we are best mates. look out for each other. i know boundaries have always been crossed.always crossed. never really been platonic but we love each other. every other girl is only alright in comparison.

do i have feelings for her. i don;t know what to think.

are we actually mates. what do i do?? just move on and let her. i always messed up. is it too late. i always want her around. is this just a friendship or something u can build on.

star-pants

Unregistered wrote: »

would sleep with her and then be with someone else a day later. it was grand. we were mates! knew it annoyed her, but really didn't care, shes a mate, she had to stay around.

This line stood out to me. You guys got intimate, got closer and you made it seem like it meant nothing (to a degree). That you weren't interested in anything more. Perhaps she was? And you being with someone else after, and 'didnt care' showed her you weren't interested that way. So she began to accept it and move on.

It sorta sounds like you want what you can't have, you don't want her with anyone else, but you didn't want her either.
You need to have a good think about how *you* feel and then you could approach her about it. That or let it go. It's up to you

Mr. Incognito

That. was. Hard. To. Read.

Anyway, you had your cake and were eating it too. Now the shoe is on the other foot. I don't have much sympathy for you mate. Your ego is shot because your convenient f-buddy has decided that you've had enough chances to get your sh*t together and now she's away scoring other chaps.

Too bad, Me thinks you blew it. Me also thinks if you had her tomorrow you wouldn't be interested. Meh. Egomaniacs, I preferred the cartoon.

ManOfMystery

Mr. Incognito wrote: »

That. was. Hard. To. Read.

Anyway, you had your cake and were eating it too. Now the shoe is on the other foot. I don't have much sympathy for you mate. Your ego is shot because your convenient f-buddy has decided that you've had enough chances to get your sh*t together and now she's away scoring other chaps.

Too bad, Me thinks you blew it. Me also thinks if you had her tomorrow you wouldn't be interested. Meh. Egomaniacs, I preferred the cartoon.

+1

You took her for granted to be honest mate, and the thing is, you still haven't had a big realisation that she's the love of your life - it sounds like you would still do the same thing tomorrow and end up hurting her again.

My advice - do her a favour and leave her to enjoy her life. Playing games with her is unfair.

ellie1

thing is i did it to her. would sleep with her and then be with someone else a day later. it was grand. we were mates! knew it annoyed her, but really didn't care, shes a mate, she had to stay around.

She didnt in fact have to stay around at all, did she?

If you treat people badly, it will come back to you in some shape or form.

I think you should leave this girl alone to get with her life.

prinz

Mr. Incognito wrote: »

That. was. Hard. To. Read.

Anyway, you had your cake and were eating it too. Now the shoe is on the other foot. I don't have much sympathy for you mate. Your ego is shot because your convenient f-buddy has decided that you've had enough chances to get your sh*t together and now she's away scoring other chaps.

Too bad, Me thinks you blew it. Me also thinks if you had her tomorrow you wouldn't be interested. Meh. Egomaniacs, I preferred the cartoon.

Exactly.The OP had a friend, he was sleeping with, yet it's only after she moves on that he asks 'is this something that could be built on?'. Lordy.

LegacyUser

Looks like Karma has just come and bit you in the ass. Sorry mate.

You probably hurt her a lot. Girls get hurt easily. Then you used the friend situation to your advantage and had your cake.

But this happens in life.

she has finally seen sense, that you are not worth the time. Girls are loyal so she will still be your mate. You just lost the convenience, respect and probably pedestal.

Hopefully you have made her realise what she wants in a guy.

And maybe you have learned to grow up a bit and learn how to treat your mates.

you realised too late. Why did you not give it a shot earlier when ye were getting in on all the time anyway. what would ye have lost??

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

would sleep with her and then be with someone else a day later. it was grand. we were mates! knew it annoyed her, but really didn't care,

From posting here, I hope some of the replies open your eyes. I'm a girl and if a male 'friend' treated me the way you treated her, they'd be long gone. You do sound like an A+ ass.

Unregistered wrote: »

do i have feelings for her. i don;t know what to think.

If you did have real feelings for her, then you'd treat her right and actually know you DID have feelings for her. My guess is that you're just jealous and selfish (you did say you couldn't see yourself marrying her etc- I'm not sure if this is because you never want to get married or you just don't see a future with her. If it's the latter, then please don't mess the girl around any more)

Unregistered wrote: »

are we actually mates.

mates shouldn't treat each other like that. Ye sound like yer better off without each other (you did mention a co dependency thing).

Wibbs

I work on the principle that there are two sides in every situation.

Unregistered wrote: »

Looks like Karma has just come and bit you in the ass. Sorry mate.

And possibly her too.

You probably hurt her a lot. Girls get hurt easily.

So do young and not so young men. Women don't have the monopoly on getting hurt.

Then you used the friend situation to your advantage and had your cake.

You could also argue so did she. Did she bring up stepping it up to another level? Not from what the OP has posted. Was it all his responsibility to do so? Don't get me wrong I think he acted like a class A tool for rubbing his other conquests in her face. Well out of order.

But this happens in life.

True enough.

she has finally seen sense, that you are not worth the time.

Eh where do you get that from? They were/are mates, they pushed the boundaries of that and probably due to lack of communication it went no further. Plus his need to shag others of course.

Girls are loyal so she will still be your mate.

Utter tosh frankly. Some of the most outrageously disloyal human beings I've ever met have been women and would only keep mates around to further their own egos. In fact disloyal women would outnumber disloyal men I've known, especially romantically. Does this mean I think women are disloyal and men are loyal? Nope, it just means I look at reality and realise that it's down to the individual not the gender.

You just lost the convenience, respect and probably pedestal.

Again you could say the same from her side. Only she's doing what he did and looking further afield.

And maybe you have learned to grow up a bit and learn how to treat your mates.

Not shaging them for start I would say.

you realised too late. Why did you not give it a shot earlier when ye were getting in on all the time anyway. what would ye have lost??

Why didn't she raise this point too? There are two of them in it. Its possible that this recent behaviour is her raising the point. She may have been overly subtle in the past where he just didn't see it and of course if he's getting free milk, why buy the cow kinda thing.

If it was me I would just come out and say it. Tell her that you would like to see if you would work as a couple as you work really well as friends and the sex part is in place. I personally wouldn't mention you're jealous. If she's looking for an ego boost it'll just give her one and not much else, if she likes you and wants to give it a whirl it won't add to it so leave that bit out.

Short answer; state your case.

messygirl

do you want to continue shagging or do you wan to be mates or do you want ot be more? depending on what you want this can be rectified but it will need a bit of commuication

if you decide you want o go out with her then ye break up later on chances are your friendship will be kapput

if she starts going out with someone else chances are new bloke might not like you if he knows what ye were doing together

ye both played games, you knew it annoyed her but you slept/kissed other women and talked about it anyway which seems a little unfair,