Am I a prick?

LegacyUser

Ok you'll probably all hate me for this but i just need some advise.

I worked with this girl for a couple of months. From the moment i saw her i knew she was the girl for me. I cant stop thinking about her. All day every day. But the problem is she was with her boyfriend for more than 6 years.

Anyway we got to be real good friends. To be honest i have never liked or got on with someone so well in all my life. I ended up getting another job offer and had to move county. So we all went out on a night out and i got drunk and mustered up the courage to tell her how i really felt for her. To my suprise she felt the same. We texted for a couple of weeks everyday until finally she came up to visit me. One thing lead to another and we hit it off.

Normally i would never do this. But from the stories she tells me her boyfriend is a total prick to her. Alot of stuff happened between them but im not going to bore you with the details. She tells me she doesnt want to be with him. She tries to break up but just cant. He gets too upset and she cant handle it, plus she still wants to remain friends with him after so long. 6 years is a long time with anyone so i understand this.

So after about 6 months of meeting up from time to time and texting everyday all day, everything is going fine. We decide to take a break from it as she is concentrating on her exams and wants to sort things out with her boyfriend. Then one night last week he finds out what is going on. He read one of her texts. Now i just feel like a total prick, what was i doing, im head over heels with this girls, but still i just dont want that to happen to anyone. Even if the guy is an a$$hole. She is in bits and i hate to see her like that but there is not a thing i can do to fix it. I dont want her to get back with the guy but she hates that fact that he is going to hate her forever now. So what do i do?

I dont even know what im asking to be honest, i just need to let it out and get advise on the matter.

oldboy

yes you are and you're a complete sucker too

you think this girl is worth it ??? how is she worth it when she won't even dump the guy so she stays with him and she is afraid of what he'll think for the rest of his life so is considering getting back with him because of that.

Has she been shagging the two of you for the last 6 months while this is going on ?? or just him ?? while she tells you how hard it is for her ??

she's carrying on like this over a guy she DOESNT love ?? what chance do you think you stand man ??

........and hopefully some guy comes along does it to you when you're going out with her and you'll realise what you ended up with.

Unregistered

Unregistered wrote: »

. So what do i do?

I dont even know what im asking to be honest, i just need to let it out and get advise on the matter.

Cut contact and move on?

Qualities which would NOT endear me to someone are:
1/ I can't handle the breakup
2/ I only cheat because he treats me badly, sob stories, etc
...etc.
Not to mention if someone is cheating on their bf with you, the most you'd be is a rebound if they eventually split up. They'd likely cheat on you too if you managed to make it to couple status.
Stop wrecking your own head and leave her to sort out her own self-created problems.

witnessmenow

I dont think you'll be wining soundest man of the year award this year ( dont worry there is always next year ), but I wouldn't call you prick over what happened, its not like yerman is a mate of yours or anything? She's way way more at fault for that situation than you, as i mentioned earlier it wasnt the nicest thing you've ever done im sure but realistically he is her problem, not yours.

LegacyUser

mate, you need to cop on! Give her an ultimatum, u or him, and make sure you know if shes the one. Otherwise, bail out now, no more dragging it out. For the record, half the women I know think their boyfriends are pricks, and the other half are married to husbands who are pricks. It tough on u cos ur into her, but if she cant make the jump, ur in a world of pain.
give her the choice, then live with it!

bluecell99

The old story.She cant break with him.Ho,ho,ho.Cant or does not want to?

Gather your self respect and realise you have been taken for a spin.

Are you a prick for what you did?Not necessarily if you thought there was a future and sound's like you really trusted her and thought that she was going thru the mill with her old man.You were there to provide sex,support and a thrill.

No I dont condemn or blame you but how about taking a reality check the next time?In other words dont get involved someone elses relationship or second guess whats happening.Or only act on what she wants you to know.

In your attraction and temporary happiness you suspended your good judgement and let it drag for six months.

Harsh lesson but who does'nt make mistakes?

That_Guy

You are a bit of a prick yes.

If you were going out with a girl you wouldn't like some other guy texting your gf and have him telling her that he's in love with her.

She's with somebody now. Even if he isn't a nice person it's not your place to say anything. It's their relationship. Not yours.

Move on and find someone else would be the best option for you.

easyeason3

Not really because she kept up the contact too. If you told her how you felt & she rejected you then you wouldn't feel like this & would have moved on.
However from what you have posted I'd say after being with her boyfriend for so long that things were gone a bit stale & the fact that someone showed an interest in her was exciting. You would be amazed by how many women & men do this simply to boost their ego, knowing all the time that it's not going to turn into something. Because if she did genuinely feel anything for you then she would have broken up with her boyfriend, regardless of how upset he would get.
Anyway I'd stay away from her from now on because it sounds like she thrives on attention.

this_is_oddd

being honest, you're not a total prick seeing as how you made this thread and regret it to some degree. But it was wrong. very wrong. She had a boyfriend.

on her side, she is a slut. I'm sorry to be so open about that but this whole "i cant break up with him because he wont let me" etc is crap. You dont wanna be with someone you dont be with someone.


I firmly believe in life there is what is said on the surface... and the real truth. Facts are truth. She slept with you but now she wants to continue with her boyfriend... aka one night stand.

I just hope her boyfriend has enough self-respect to dump her. If anyone cheats, be it the boyfriend or girlfriend they'll cheat again.

pikachucheeks

Unregistered wrote: »

I worked with this girl for a couple of months. From the moment i saw her i knew she was the girl for me. I cant stop thinking about her. All day every day. But the problem is she was with her boyfriend for more than 6 years.

I don't think you're a prick - you obviously have deep feelings for her, by the way you talk about her. You told her, despite the fact she was with someone, which some people might frown upon... but personally, I think it's good you did - it's good to be honest about your feelings, for the sake of your own sanity and peace of mind.

Yes, telling her made things complicated - but they wouldn't have been complicated if she hadn't reciprocated your feelings.

You're not a prick, but you are, seemingly, a slight pushover - you've let your feelings for this girl surpass your love for yourself;

She's claiming she wants to be with you, yet half a year later, she's still with her boyfriend, who she's been cheating on with you! - and playing you for a fool!

You can do better than being her bit on the side. If she cares about you, she'll end things with her boyfriend, like she should have ages ago, and be with you.

If not - then learn from the mistakes MANY single people have made when getting involved with a taken person; you get hurt while they go back to their little comfort zone.

Wurly

Ahh mate. Now come on.

You are not the pr1ck. She's the pr1ck.

She's treating you like a fool. And you are facilitating this.

Put yourself in her shoes - would you do this to you???

I know its hard when you like someone but really, you deserve better. Deep down you know you do. If you were happy, you would not be posting here.

I don't think she's the girl for you. How could you ever trust her or feel like she has your best interests at heart if this is how your 'relationship' started?

You need to close the door on this one.. The longer you leave the door open, the more you will hurt yourself. And you will miss all the other potential nice girls out there that would treat your properly.

This is the classic line of the bit on the side in marital affairs 'he/she promised that they'd leave their husband/wife'. 3 months turns into 3 years and still nothing.

I think you need to work on your esteem and self respect. Both must be running on empty if you are prepared to put up with this.

This will be hard but it will be harder in the long run if you don't get yourself out of this mess.

The best of luck.x

LegacyUser

No, I don't think you're a prick! When you're in love (or lust) with somebody it can sometimes prove too hard to control your feelings and actions when you're around them.

The girl in this situation should have ended the relationship with her boyfriend when she realised her feelings for you. In fact, if he was treating her as bad as she made out then she should have left him long before this scenario presented itself. If anything, she is the one who should be ashamed/feeling guilty of her actions. She went the wrong way about things.

It seems like you really genuinely like this girl so I hope she feels the same about you and doesn't mess you around. It's a bit suspect (in my opinion) that she wouldn't leave him and also that she's so distraught over the break-up. If it was me, I'd be happy it was finally out in the open so I could be with you (who I "supposedly" have such strong feelings for) without anyone else in the way. Although, maybe we're being a bit harsh on her... I suppose it's possible that she didn't intend on hurting him and is cut up at how she handled things.

However, what's done is done now and nothing can change the past. I can't see her continuing ANY sort of relationship with her ex at this point (whether friendly or otherwise). She betrayed his trust and went behind his back - I wouldn't want a friend like that, would you?

I think from your point of view, all you can do now is be there for her! And leaving the whole "ex" business aside: if things are meant to be (between to two of you), NOW is when it will all happen.

So, to conclude... (and sorry for the essay by the way!) my advice to you is not to beat yourself up over this! What happened re the ex will blow over soon and be yesterday's news. And be assured that you will find out fairly soon if your feelings for this girl are mutual or merely based on an impulsive fling.

Pyr0

I wouldn't say you're a prick really. It's not your fault you fell for the girl, yeah maybe telling her that night was an iffy idea but at the end of the day thats the way you felt, better out than in. It's her fault though for leading you on for so long, if she really wanted to break up with this guy for you should would have done it alreadly. I agree with a previous poster, just give her the ole "It's me or him, and soon" or else just pack it in, sure you may be all "but she was/is the one" but you'll get over that and find another "one".

Nitxteha

you are not a prick, but definetly innocent. You were "the other", she was "the cheater" and the boyfriend was "the victim". If you get together with this girl, think of the risk you are taking: she can always find an"other" and you can become "the victim" but she will still be "the cheater".

My advice is to learn from the experience and move on.

silvine

Sounds messy. She needs to cut ties with bf before you agree to do anything. Otherwise stay away.

Wibbs

Past actions all too often inform future actions. If she will do that to this guy, I would put a good odds that when she gets tired of you, youll get the dear john call and your replacement will be already lined up. Very common.

If I meet someone I look at how she engages with men she isn't interested in sexually, or how she has treated exes. It's a good indicator of how she will treat me when the time comes, as that's her default position(good advice for women too IMHO).

TBH? If I met a woman like as you describe her and I was sexually interested in her, I'd keep her at arms length and sleep with her. End of. I wouldn't consider emotionally investing in her, until she proved herself to me.

LegacyUser

Wibbs you have it down to a t. She has to prove herself to me now. Yeah i know all the stuff bout trusting her ect. But i like her so much i cant let go. She has only ever been with 2 people. Him and me.

I gave her the ultimatum. She's talking to him now bout the whole stuff so ill see what the story is. Said if you get back with him, we are done.

And as for the people who said ive no/low self esteem. Couldnt be more wrong. I never gave the full story and if i did id be here for a week typing. But i did realise i was loosing self respect. I just wanted to get it off my chest more that anything else.

Thanks for the replys.