Decided to break up with gf

LegacyUser

I notice there's another thread up about the jealous gf, i have a similar situation.

I've just come to the realisation that I have to break up with my gf. We've been going out 2 years and and are living together.

I do love her and she has alot of positive qualities which are more than her bad ones but I realise that the relationship ultimately wont work out purely because she is too possessive. There has been a few incidents in the past.

1. Once I caught her going thru my phone bills and then rang some of the numbers to find out who the were another time she went thru my phone and did the same.

2. I caught her following me when I went on a night out without her.

3. She would turn up in the pub if I didnt answer my fone when i was out without her.

4. She doesnt like me to go out without her and there's always an arguements when it comes up. My friend is getting married soon and i just know that when I go on the stag it's going to cause an arguement which i have to say takes the fun out of it and also causes me anxiety.

5. The most recent one was when she turned up at an event I was attending because I didnt answer my fone which i had on silent at the time because I was at this seminar. She didnt cause a scene but it was very embarassing and also worrying that she displays this type of behaviour. At the time she played it off like she was in the area and decided to stop by.

Each time she promises that she'll change and wont do it again but at this stage Im just tired of giving second chances.

Can anyone advice the best way to break up? Its more complicated that were living together and its my place so i cant leave and she wont go without a fight.

Thanks for listening.

Beruthiel

There is no easy way to break up with someone.
Just sit her down and tell her it's over.
Give her the above list as the reasons.
It's your place so she will just have to leave.

What do you mean by she won't go without a fight?

Oh The Humanity

You really are justified here, especially since you have given her chance after chance.......

Really you just have to be straight. No more chances.

Do you feel she might get violent...?

Lollipops23

i think you've done all you can do.
it sounds as of she has deep-rooted issues regarding trust,but you've given her chance after chance.many guys would've run after any one of these incidents.

As mentioned,breaking up sucks and nobody enjoys it. but remember all the reasons you said here. and tell her she's got 3 weeks to find alternative accommadation, you don't owe her anything more than that.

LegacyUser

Beruthiel wrote: »

What do you mean by she won't go without a fight?

I mean, she will beg me not to finish it with her and basically refuse to accept my decision.

This is just so exhausting, the energy levels that go into arguing and explaining and convincing etc etc.

I just know she is gonna drag this out as long as possible, Im probably gonna have to call the guards to get her to eventually move out. Obviously I'll give her some time to find a place but she'll just drag it on as long as possible.

cafecolour

She sounds bat**** crazy. I'd get her out as quickly as possible. If you have the money, possibly put her up in a hotel for a week while she gets on her feet so she's not staying with you while looking.

If you think she's going to be really extreme - ie she's stalker, vindictive crazy. Then pack her stuff while she's out, change the locks, and tell her where you've booked her in. Tape record the convo in case she tries to accuse you of anything, or call the guards and ask if one of them would be present to escort out. This is obviously pretty harsh (though it'll get the message across), so I wouldn't do it unless you think it's necessary.

star-pants

Agree with the others, the only way is to sit her down and be honest and frank with her.
Give her your reasons and explain why.

Tbh, that behaviour wouldn't stand with me, so I do understand why it frustrates you.
Is there anyway she could move in with a parent or friend for a while?

the_syco

Unregistered wrote: »

I mean, she will beg me not to finish it with her and basically refuse to accept my decision.

Your place? Rent a room out to one of your mates after you break it off with her.

username123

Unregistered wrote: »

I mean, she will beg me not to finish it with her and basically refuse to accept my decision.

This is just so exhausting, the energy levels that go into arguing and explaining and convincing etc etc.

I just know she is gonna drag this out as long as possible, Im probably gonna have to call the guards to get her to eventually move out. Obviously I'll give her some time to find a place but she'll just drag it on as long as possible.

I think you HAVE to break uo - this kind of horrible paranoia ruins relationships.

On the moving out thing its easy, give her a date/time by which she has to be out. If she stays past said date/time change the locks while she is out and pack up her stuff and give it to a friend or family member for her to collect from.

Dont waste energy, have the conversation ONCE. Explain the reasons, give the date/time to leave and then close the conversation. If necessary go away for a couple of days to let her get her stuff out herself - but not if you think she will wreck the place.
Also dont have the conversation with any drink involved, do it on a morning and then go out for a while to let it sink in.

Beruthiel

Unregistered wrote: »

I mean, she will beg me not to finish it with her and basically refuse to accept my decision.

This is just so exhausting, the energy levels that go into arguing and explaining and convincing etc etc.

You will have to stay strong and not budge on your decision.

I just know she is gonna drag this out as long as possible, Im probably gonna have to call the guards to get her to eventually move out. Obviously I'll give her some time to find a place but she'll just drag it on as long as possible.

Find some place that she can go and stay in?

LegacyUser

I am going through a similar situation and am finding this thread really helpful.

LegacyUser

there're always two sides ofr a story. we only know yours. why do you think she is acting that way? do you act suspicious? are you concealing things from her? has she caught you telling her lies? there are plenty of other threads about cheating and signs for cheating etc.

whatever decition you make, you should be honest with her and tell her instead of announcing everyone else first.

as they said in another thread, trust is earned.

fenris

The other side of the story doesn't matter. The OP asked for advice and a sanity check of his interpretation of the situation, not to be judged.

A relationship with a bunny boiler is a scary thing that can leave you doubting your own sanity. Having been there, the best advice that I can give is that logic and discussion are of very limited use and you wil not really be free until she transfers her obsession else where. Make as clean a break as possible, her rehab is not your concern. Above all do not engage no matter how crazy things get and warn your friend regarding the coming storm!

The next target of my particular BB learned from my experience and told her that he was going away to join the French Foreign Legion. She maintained a daily diary for a considerable period while expecting that he do the same, so that they could swap when he got his first leave in 2 years time.

pikachucheeks

I think the best way to break up with her would be to just be honest, with a little bit of sugar-coating, to somewhat spare her feelings!

The truth does hurt, but being lied to, or not getting a proper reason is SO much worse.

She's likely to try and make you reconsider, so do ensure you're firm with her - sit her down, say your piece and then tell her that your decision is final and you've made up your mind.

She's obviously going to be upset, so be compassionate. but hold your ground at the same time!
Don't let her cry her way back into the relationship.
If you're certain you want to end things, then put your mind to it and do it.