Is husband neglecting me / taking me for granted??

LegacyUser

OK I am probably going to get slated over this but I have to ask. Is my husband neglecting/taking me for granted or am I over reacting?

Myself and my husband have been together for over 10 years (not married this long). We are both in our late 20's. Ayway lately I am feeling a little neglected but I need to know if I am over reacting before i mention it to him.

Lately he has been going out with the boys but not taking me out at all. I have no issue at all with him oging out with the boys and I think it is good that he does but I would like him to come out with me the odd night too. I asked him about a month ago to come out for a few drinks and he said he didn't feel like it (fair enough - I'm not always in the mood to go out either). I asked him again this weekend to come out for a drink and he said no again (not in a nasty way at all). In the meantime he has been out with the boys about 4 times over the last couple of months.

Also he has been going to many football matches both in Ireland and in UK and playing a lot of GAA. Again I have no problems with any of this apart from the fact these are all planned in advance and when I ask him about us going for a night away or a weekend or going somewhere even for a day he says we will wait and see and he will leave it until the night before or that day before deciding but the plans with friends are made well in advance.

On the few ocasions we have been out for an hour or so over the last few months we have gone to the pub where most of his friends drink and I have driven so we can get home (we live outside the town). This means he can have a pint and I dont have a drink (to be fair on this one some of the time I have offered not to have a drink other times he has ordered a pint and then asked me if I am drinking - bit late to decide who is driving once the pint is ordered - we cannot get taxis to where we live )

Anyway - am I over reacting or is he neglecting me or taking me for granted? Any suggestions

bubblewrap

He is being very unfair and it does sound as if he is taking you for granted. I know how it feels because I will invite my bf to the pub and he is like no we can't really afford it but if his mates ask, he is out the door like a bullet and will make a special effort. On the occasions I do get him out, he is sulky and telling me to hurry up with my drink.

It is horrible but I don't know what we are supposed to do...maybe go out ourselves with the girls without them??

Mr. Incognito

maybe go out ourselves with the girls without them??

Nail. Head.

LegacyUser

I do go out with the girls regularly but I want to go out with him from tme to time too. Surely we can do both?? I dont mind him going out with the lads coz I like going out with the girls but we are married and should be able to go out/away together every so often

Das Kitty

Unregistered wrote: »

OK I am probably going to get slated over this but I have to ask. Is my husband neglecting/taking me for granted or am I over reacting?

Myself and my husband have been together for over 10 years (not married this long). We are both in our late 20's. Ayway lately I am feeling a little neglected but I need to know if I am over reacting before i mention it to him.

Lately he has been going out with the boys but not taking me out at all. I have no issue at all with him oging out with the boys and I think it is good that he does but I would like him to come out with me the odd night too. I asked him about a month ago to come out for a few drinks and he said he didn't feel like it (fair enough - I'm not always in the mood to go out either). I asked him again this weekend to come out for a drink and he said no again (not in a nasty way at all). In the meantime he has been out with the boys about 4 times over the last couple of months.

Also he has been going to many football matches both in Ireland and in UK and playing a lot of GAA. Again I have no problems with any of this apart from the fact these are all planned in advance and when I ask him about us going for a night away or a weekend or going somewhere even for a day he says we will wait and see and he will leave it until the night before or that day before deciding but the plans with friends are made well in advance.

On the few ocasions we have been out for an hour or so over the last few months we have gone to the pub where most of his friends drink and I have driven so we can get home (we live outside the town). This means he can have a pint and I dont have a drink (to be fair on this one some of the time I have offered not to have a drink other times he has ordered a pint and then asked me if I am drinking - bit late to decide who is driving once the pint is ordered - we cannot get taxis to where we live )

Anyway - am I over reacting or is he neglecting me or taking me for granted? Any suggestions

I'd suggest telling him how you feel, say you think you might be overreacting a bit but you're feeling ****ty about it and you wish you could spend more time together. You're together 10 years he should be amenable to this. Whatever you do don't keep it in and get more and more pissed off until you explode some day. Get it out now and it will be nothing, leave it and it could become a massive row.

LegacyUser

thanks Das Kitty,

I was thinking of making us a nice dinner and sitting down and discussing this with him. We get on great and it really is just over the last few months. I just don't think he has noticed so I thought if I made a nice dinner and sat daown with him and explained that it was getting to me a little it might work.

I don't want all his time and attention - just a little and to feel as important as his other activities and mates.

prinz

Sounds to me like he is a bit.tbh he hould be putting making and keeping you happy before his mates and everything else. You seem reasonable and recognise the fact that he needs to have nights out etc on his own and with friends, but you have to tell him you want nights out with him, just the two of you or with friends etc too.It's not really too much to ask. There always has to be a home (relationship)/play/work balance. In this case from what you've said the 'home' seems to be dropping in priority, compared to his own 'play' time anyway.

Beruthiel

OP

You need to sit down and have a long, calm chat with your husband.
He clearly does not understand what is going on here.

Point out to him that no longterm relationship lasts without effort from both parties.
It's not something that happens by magic.
There needs to be constant effort.
There needs to be special 'us' times.
There needs to be moments where ye both are reminded why ye got married in the first place.
You normally won't get that by hanging around the house. You have to remove yourselfs from the distractions. A romantic weekend away in a hotel. A nice restaurant. A walk in the woods/beach. Whatever. This stuff needs to be done.

If these things do not happen every so often your relationship will wither and die due to laziness.

LegacyUser

OP he needs a good talking to this is not on at all