Poem, any comments appreciated

ilikerashers

The silencing stick

In the back of the upstairs of nanas house, 3 bathrooms stood side to side,
a short stairs fell between quiet landings to the doors, one male one female and a bath through no marking.
The blue toilet had a cold plastered back wall and stank of old waste,
well worn laminate wallpaper clinging to its shanks and rough ragged carpet driven to discolour through use.
An illfitted door hewn together by sideboard proudly jarred in an unclosing stubborn frame, enough to not expose and enough to make known when it was in use.

The pink toilet was a mysterious booth of printed flowers and luxury,
A fluffed faux-hair mat pushes white fibres through cold toes and a freshener with wild flowers flaking from its plastic cover wafts a tiny reminder of fragrance.
The notion of its use was never even pondered, fear of an unseen scolding, an unseen user that would arrive to drive you away eventually.

A mold coloured bathroom to the left of these held a ringed bath, cracked at its base revealed hollow within, an old sink with rusted plughole.
Tinted water trickles from its hot tap, from memory always only lukewarm and with force opened.
A slimed stick runs from the mouth of the cold to the drain, wrapped in a thin film of water. No bedrooms nearby to hear the dripping yet still subdued for its tired patter.

A corrugated plastic sheet lets the only light into the room, mossed and obscured now. I could never see the yard below from the window anyhow.


Thanks for reading.

Matt Holck

had some time sitting and observing every groaten crack

to be honest
the colors all started to mix then blur
the detail had encrusted and buried itself in more detail

pauline fayne

Hi , you give us a lot of detail (which you obviously have a good eye for ).
For me that is a starting point . If I am writing something I would write down all my impressions -as you have above - and then cut out every unneccesary word . I know it is hard to discard a good phrase or line but you can always use them again in something else ! Good luck with your writing.