I called it off... Am I being unreasonable?

LegacyUser

Hi. I recently started seeing a girl but today I called it off because I had no time to see her.

I've got a lot of college work to do during the week and at the weekends I have band practice and both take up nearly all of my time. When I do have free time I like to spend whatever I can of it with my friends.
I only get to spend time with my friends for about 8 hours a week now because I've got so much work to do and my friends are more important to me than any girl.

When I started seeing this girl I had no idea how much work I'd be facing in college. I know that I have band practice at weekends but I could have met her during the week. However assignments have been coming thick and fast lately and I'm keeping on top of things as best I could.

Anyway when I texted her saying that I think seeing each other is a bad thing for me right now having no time to spend with her she flipped. She called me selfish, said I was disrespectful towards her feelings and that I was a horrible person. I was very angry but instead of lashing back at her I kept my cool and explained that I have no free time etc. I would have said this to her face but she doesn't live anywhere near me.

She came back at me hitting me with things like "You're a horrible person" and "You don't even try to make time".
I have no time to give her as I have previously stated.

Am I being unreasonable here? Could I have made more of an effort in seeing her? I honestly can't see how I could have. I didn't want to keep this charade going any further making her think that I'll be able to see her every whenever she wanted so I thought it was necessary that I stop seeing her to avoid leading her on.

Am I in the wrong here or is she the one being unreasonable?

Thanks.

Silverfish

I don't think she's being unreasonable, she probably just really liked you, and might be upset and angry at being dumped. Most people won't just go '..Oh, ok..!' and walk away. They'll argue it.

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all either, you've no time. If you liked her enough, you'd make the time, and if you couldn't make time for her, there's no point stressing yourself to find it, or to give something else up to keep her happy.

You did the right thing, she'll be upset and angry but she'll get over it and realise it was the right thing.

Misticles

if you wanted to make it work you would find a way. but she should understand that you have a lot going on. even meeting her for lunch or something wudda been fine

Kirnsy

the fact that it was texted says a lot. imo shes hurt by the casual way the relationship was ended.

your reasons are fine but your method was not.

living far away is no excuse for basic manners.

Cool_CM

No matter what the circumstances and reasons behind it are, breaking up with somebody by text message is never cool

PCPhoto

IMO .... good choice ... you decided you needed to concentrate on what you enjoy most..... you chose college/band ..... they are more important to you (at the moment) and fair play.

I'm in the same situation..... have to decide do I want to go out and look for someone to be with (Currently single) ...or do I concentrate on what I feel is more important in my life .... my work and my career !!!

I'd rather spend a number of years clearing my debts than going out enjoying my life spending money on things I feel I could regret in the years to come..... it may sound selfish to her and her friends - but you are looking after what you think is more important....... YOU !!!

you did nothing wrong - you spotted that you didnt have time to do everything so decided band/college are more important.... and it would have probably irritated you if you spread yourself too thin and tried to do everything...fair play to you ...brave choice and in my opinion best choice !!

I do question your method ...by text !!! probably not the best way but sh1t happens. (I'm sure she'll get over it !!!)

LegacyUser

Hi OP here. Thanks for the replies. I should have clarified that I wasn't going out with this girl. It was only just a casual thing. I know saying it by text isn't cool but I was too busy with an essay to ring her. A text seemed easier.
Cowards way out I know and I apologised to her for saying it by text but she just texted back saying "go to hell".

It seems no matter what I do I can't make amends with her.

I try my best to please everyone as best I can but on this occasion I just couldn't. It was beyond my control. I know some people may say that I could just skip out on my friends for a little while but girls will come and go but my friends will always be around and have been. They know how much stress I'm under and know how to make me relax.

Cheers for the replies once again.

That_Guy

Totally agree with PCPhoto

jellie

itss not unreasonable to break up with someone or to "call it off". it IS unreasonable to do it by a text message.

a phonecall doesnt have to take that long. surely youre not so busy that you cant spare 5minutes. sure writing that text probably nearly took you that long.

but if you wanted to break up then youre perfectly entitled to do so & dont have to validate your reasons to her or anyone else.

Karen09

This girl obviously, felt something strong for you, however to be honest, I have to agree with you calling it off. I can not understand why someone would want to stay with someone if they didnt have much time for them. At least you could see that you were having these time-management issues and called it when you did rather than years down the line which would of crushed her completely, so give urself a break IMO you done the right thing

LegacyUser

you text her to apologise for telling her it was over by text???????????????

Stop the texting for the love of God and call the girl apologise like a man and explain to her you have no time for a relationship right now.

You are not wrong to end it but stop the texting - have some respect for her

John Mason

you did the right thing

you obviously arent that in to her, and you would have just been wasting her time and yours

carlybabe1

Hi op, I think that you were right about breaking up with her for the following reasons, If she had meant enough to you you would have made more of an effort to see her. Other things may have suffered as a result (not alwaqys good) but ultimately you would have chose to sacrifice those things without thinking about it too much. (I hope this is coming across right)
Because you weren't that serious about her you were right to split but defo wrong in you methods.
I imagine she already suspected that you weren't that serious about her, and when you more or less explained that she was last one your list of fun things to do (pardon the pun) you confirmed what she already suspected and thats why she's so angry, nobody likes to think they haven't had much impact on a boy/girlfriend.
Anywho, nothin more you can do other than apologise for the cowardly text, after that let her off

Das Kitty

Unregistered wrote: »

my friends are more important to me than any girl.

Well more important than this girl. Whatever the reasons you gave her or put down the real truth is you just didn't like her enough. The fairest thing to do for everyone was to end it.

No doubt there will someday be a girl that proves your above statement wrong.

Vegeta

I think you had good intentions but no matter how you justify it to yourself the text was a poor way to do it.

Feeling guilt (often comes from ourselves too) to spend time with a partner at the cost of things you enjoy in life is not a good foundation for a relationship.

anonymous_joe

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi OP here. Thanks for the replies. I should have clarified that I wasn't going out with this girl. It was only just a casual thing. I know saying it by text isn't cool but I was too busy with an essay to ring her. A text seemed easier.
Cowards way out I know and I apologised to her for saying it by text but she just texted back saying "go to hell".

It seems no matter what I do I can't make amends with her.

I try my best to please everyone as best I can but on this occasion I just couldn't. It was beyond my control. I know some people may say that I could just skip out on my friends for a little while but girls will come and go but my friends will always be around and have been. They know how much stress I'm under and know how to make me relax.

Cheers for the replies once again.

Most casual things matter more to one of the two.

You hurt her feelings, and clearly didn't like her. It happens. Just don't expect her to like you anymore.

smileysurfer

Firstly you should of called her or met up instead of saying it by text, a bit immature and cowardly imo.

You say you have band practice at the weekend?? ALL weekend?

You had 8 hours to spend with friends but you couldnt knock an hour off to spend with the girl you were supposed to be seeing?
If you really liked this girl then you could have spared an hour or two a week for her so it seemed that you werent really that into her.
Granted her response was a bit OTT but it shows that maybe she really did like you and your way of ending it upset her greatly.

Lollipops23

are you 14?no?then there's no excuse for the texting. a phone call would have taken 5-10 mins,i don't buy that you don't have that to spare.i'm a final yr student and i'm constantly busy but i find the time to do most of the things i enjoy,including seeing my OH.

I agree that if you really liked her you would have found the time. when meself and himself got together he was in a band and has a full time job, i was very busy in college and working part time. we both made small sacrifices in order to see eachother because we're mad about eachother.

i'm not giving out to you for not liking her enough-just be honest with yourself!!and man up next time you wanna dump someone!

smares

You obviously weren't that into her or you would of made time to see her,so you did the right thing for yourself