Whats going on?

LegacyUser

Been seeing this girl for 3 months. Since day one we've gotten on great and been so comfortable with one another it was like we've known one another for years.
Problem is we live on opposite sides of the country so only get to see one another weekends. In the beginning we'd see one another every two weeks and I assumed as time progressed she'd want to see me every weekend, but this hasn't happened. Shes happy with just every other weekend and while things are absolutely fantastic when we're together she can become quite distant during the week and not really seem to want to engage in texting or a phonecall.Sometimes shes really excited about it but mostly not.
We went away for a weekend together recently and never left one anothers side. When we came back, I stayed over at hers and left in the morning. Within 15 mins she called, asking me to come back cos she missed me. Then the rest of the week she went cold.
Can anyone give me any insight into what is goin on? Is she not really that into me? Does the spark die when we're apart? Its seriously messing with my head. We're both 30 so I assumed this kinda thing was behind me

Miss Fluff

Are you sure she's not already involved with someone? Where do you normally meet when you get together? Seems to me like you could be her bit on the side.

LegacyUser

Miss Fluff wrote: »

Are you sure she's not already involved with someone? Where do you normally meet when you get together? Seems to me like you could be her bit on the side.

No definitely not. She comes and stays with me whole weekends, I've been to hers a couple of times but its not practical cos she has a flatmate so hanging out on the couch or fooling around wouldn't be an option. I do have contact with her most days, its the fact shes kinda cold and seems disinterested sometimes that throws me. Its like night and day the difference between being together and not. Shes even told her boss at morning break that shes seeing someone, so I don't know how to read what shes doing.

star-pants

It does sound a bit odd, going cold yet when you're around she misses you if you leave for 10mins.
Is she normally a texty/phonecally person? Some people just aren't and thus it might be coming across weird.
Have you asked her can you see her the next weekend? or do you just wait until the allotted weekend?
You should also perhaps talk to her, explain you like her and that you're just a bit confused by her actions sometimes.

LegacyUser

star-pants wrote: »

It does sound a bit odd, going cold yet when you're around she misses you if you leave for 10mins.
Is she normally a texty/phonecally person? Some people just aren't and thus it might be coming across weird.
Have you asked her can you see her the next weekend? or do you just wait until the allotted weekend?
You should also perhaps talk to her, explain you like her and that you're just a bit confused by her actions sometimes.

It seems she varies between not being really into texting/talking to talking on the phone to me for an hour or more, I mean, in the past we've had conversations on more than one occasion that have lasted 3hrs+. We chop and change weekends as it suits but it invariably goes out to three weeks rather than coming back to one. Next weekend I'll see her thursday and friday, and shes coming to me the following weekend but thats the first time I'll have seen her two weekends in a row. Never came across anythin like this before and it sucks cos I really like her

Liam Byrne

I think you're both at "fault".

Confused Unreg wrote: »

In the beginning we'd see one another every two weeks and I assumed as time progressed she'd want to see me every weekend, but this hasn't happened.

Incorrect and unfair assumption, for a start. It's been 3 months, and the idea of long-distance relationships is to meet regularly enough and then make the most of the times you are together. In addition, "it's been 3 months", so it's STILL the beginning.....would you neglect your friends and other commitments after 3 months ?

Confused Unreg wrote: »

Shes happy with just every other weekend and while things are absolutely fantastic

All sounds fair enough to me so far....

Confused Unreg wrote: »

when we're together she can become quite distant during the week and not really seem to want to engage in texting or a phonecall.

Again, relatively OK.....some people text me a lot and while I'll engage on some occasions, there are times when I want my own space or am doing something - NOT the same as doing "SOMEONE", as suggested above - else.

Confused Unreg wrote: »

Sometimes shes really excited about it but mostly not.

Again, all normal, although the "mostly" now starts to shift my thinking away from you being clingy or making assumptions....

Confused Unreg wrote: »

Within 15 mins she called, asking me to come back cos she missed me. Then the rest of the week she went cold.

Wibbs or others here might have an opinion on that; it might actually be BECAUSE you came back (the stupid "at their beck and call is unappealing to some women" rule)

Confused Unreg wrote: »

Can anyone give me any insight into what is goin on? Its seriously messing with my head. We're both 30 so I assumed this kinda thing was behind me

Another assumption, for a start. Also, re what's going on is either:

a) your expectations and assumptions are different to hers, and she's blissfully unaware of them
b) your expectations are a little overpowering for her
c) she's "going with the flow" when ye're together, and then getting on with life when you're not

OR

e) she's my most unpredictable, hot/cold, headwrecking ex

....plus MAYBE the options that others have posted, but the above are possibilities too

Step back, see if it's your own head that's causing this, and that things are actually relatively normal. If that's the case, stop assuming and worrying.

And if it's not (and/or option e is the case), run before you lose your sanity !

LegacyUser

Liam Byrne wrote: »

I think you're both at "fault".

Wibbs or others here might have an opinion on that; it might actually be BECAUSE you came back (the stupid "at their beck and call is unappealing to some women" rule)

Just to clarify. I didn't go back. I have a life and a job too . Just told her that I'd love to but can't. Never been at a womans beckon call and never will :P

Liam Byrne

Thanks for clarifying, and good on ya!

I didn't mean to be too harsh with the above posts, but basically what I posted is essentially that there are a lot of possibilities, and (without being lousy) your assumptions and expectations are definitely a part of the issue.

How much ? No-one here could say.....you can't either, unless you suss it out with her.

But if it continues to bug you so much then it WILL fall apart.....regardless of whether she's sound and has different expectations or she is indeed a headwrecker.

I just wanted to post the above in order to counteract the "she's with someone else" posts; I can't say that's not true, but no-one here can say it is, either.

And regardless of whether or not it is, it will drive you demented if you have to second-guess.

So try and sound it out, and talk to her to see if she has different expectations....if it drives you insane then it's not worth it.

But if it's just different expectations then ye could yet be fine.

Best of luck!

Bottle_of_Smoke

You've gotten into a routine of weekends, so midweek is almost pointless.
Try break the cycle or just be happy with what you've got

cafecolour

How long had she been single when you started seeing her?

If it was a while, she may have developed such a satisfying/full single life that it takes actually a lot of time to adjust back into a relationship lifestyle. Especially a long distance one like that, where she has to take a chunk of time out (versus integrating you in with her life - ie bringing you out with the friends and such). And then when she's back away from you during the week, she gets swept up so quickly into the old habits she had before you were into her life.

I'm not sure I'm explaining this well, but it was me for a while. In summary - if she's been single for a while, 3 months of dating every other weekend is honestly not that long to really shake up ones habits.

LegacyUser

cafecolour wrote: »

How long had she been single when you started seeing her?

If it was a while, she may have developed such a satisfying/full single life that it takes actually a lot of time to adjust back into a relationship lifestyle. Especially a long distance one like that, where she has to take a chunk of time out (versus integrating you in with her life - ie bringing you out with the friends and such). And then when she's back away from you during the week, she gets swept up so quickly into the old habits she had before you were into her life.

I'm not sure I'm explaining this well, but it was me for a while. In summary - if she's been single for a while, 3 months of dating every other weekend is honestly not that long to really shake up ones habits.

Think you may have hit the nail on the head here. She had 4 long relationships, one after the other since she was 17. She has been single for the last 3 years cos she needed the break from the whole scene and her friends and work have been her life. Thanks for the helpful replies guys. Really helped me get my head round it