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Another silly little poem

  • 17-04-2009 11:00pm
    #1
    Richy165
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 33 ✭


    Hi all, again. I wrote something today and thought that I'd stick it up here rather than just leaving it in a notebook. There's no particular rhyme scheme or formal structure and the topic is rather mundane, but I hope you enjoy it. If anybody comes up with any sort of sub text from it then I'd love to hear your thoughts.

    Sodden soil that still fights the turn of the pitchfork
    Too many roots
    And weeds left to grow too long
    Beside the wall, the wheelbarrow waits attentively
    Decorated with medals of rust and dried cement.
    They always have a punctured wheel
    that squeaks and squeals with every push.
    Imperfections that add character.

    Clumped boots at the back door.
    A drink after the job is done.
    Sunday tomorrow.


Comments

  • #2
    Affable
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,212 ✭✭✭Affable


    Richy165 wrote: »
    Hi all, again. I wrote something today and thought that I'd stick it up here rather than just leaving it in a notebook. There's no particular rhyme scheme or formal structure and the topic is rather mundane, but I hope you enjoy it. If anybody comes up with any sort of sub text from it then I'd love to hear your thoughts.

    Sodden soil that still fights the turn of the pitchfork
    Too many roots.
    The weeds were left to grow to long
    Beside the wall, the wheelbarrow waits
    Decorated with medals of rust and dried cement.
    They always have a punctured wheel
    that squeaks and squeals with every push.
    Imperfections that add character.


    Clumped boots at the back door

    A drink after the job is done.
    Sunday tomorrow.

    It's good, atmospheric and simple. I like that style. Could add in a little more about the guy working.


  • #3
    deepriver
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 346 ✭✭deepriver


    i like the analogy of medals in relation to service, yea its good but kinda bread and butter stuff, nothing that would make you think to deep


  • #4
    Matt Holck
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,706 ✭✭✭Matt Holck


    I would not generalize the wheel barrow
    They always have a punctured wheel
    that squeaks and squeals with every push.
    Imperfections that add character.

    with a punctured wheel
    that squeaks and squeals with every push.

    this picture is earthier with out abstractions

    I understand this is a style preference


  • #5
    pauline fayne
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 125 ✭✭pauline fayne


    I agree with Matt . I like this poem but would leave out the imperfections line.
    All the best....


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