Boyfriend went into melt-down...

LegacyUser

Usual story-going unregged!
With boyfriend for nearly 9 years. Had a rough time but thought we had things on track.
Good few arguments recently about settling down/moving in/getting married etc.

Big question mark over his job at the moment. End of last week, things came to a bit of a head work-wise. Waiting for things to be finally decided this week.

At the weekend, we had a stupid argument about very little-he was late for something.

And he went into melt-down. Screamed at me-not just on one occassion either.

No matter what I said he was adamant-he wants out. He 'can't take this' can't take me' anymore. I'm 'too controlling'...

Not a word from him since. I don't want to tell too many of my friends etc as I can't handle all the judgements and i think he's entitled to a bit of time to calm down etc. HENCE... I'm here.... Asking you guys!

Please be gentle-stomach has spent the whole week turning....

*Honey*

I would suggest he's completely stressed about everything - worrying about moving forward in a relationship when money/job/future is so shakey is hugely stressful. He's probably reached the end of his tether with things. Try and make it light and easy for a while - de-stress the whole situation, just be for a while and allow things to cool down. 9 years is a lot of time to chuck away. Hopefully he'll calm down enough to be able to talk about things. There's no denying these are hugely stressful times for everyone.

Stheno

whattodo... wrote: »

Usual story-going unregged!
Good few arguments recently about settling down/moving in/getting married etc.


No matter what I said he was adamant-he wants out. He 'can't take this' can't take me' anymore. I'm 'too controlling'...

Not a word from him since.

imo it sounds like it's over from his perspective, if it was just a one off stupid argument he'd surely have calmed down at this stage and contacted you.

It might have been the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back.

One question, have you tried to contact him?

LegacyUser

nouggatti wrote: »

imo it sounds like it's over from his perspective, if it was just a one off stupid argument he'd surely have calmed down at this stage and contacted you.

It might have been the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back.

One question, have you tried to contact him?

Sent him a text cos I knew yesterday was decision day-well maybe more today. Just said I know what's happening today and I'm thinking of you.

easyeason3

I'd be more inclined to say it's over if he had said it in a calmer manner & if there wasn't underlying issues streesing him out.
I do think you need to talk to him about where you both stand.
It could be a thing that was done in the heat of the moment & he's deeply embarrassed by it now which is why he hasn't contacted you.

LegacyUser

easyeason3 wrote: »

I'd be more inclined to say it's over if he had said it in a calmer manner & if there wasn't underlying issues streesing him out.

See that was what my gut said....

philologos

OP, Just give him his space and his time. Every relationship has rocky times surely? I don't think it is as simple as that he just doesn't want to be with you any more. That was said in the stress of the moment.

tagoona

I'd say contact him and meet him for a coffee.
He'll probably apologise, if he has regained perspective.

Guys worry a lot about the future financial cash flow when it comes to getting married, gettting house, having kids etc.

The possibility of losing all source of income can be pretty devestating and causing massive anger/depression.

You can't just send him a text.
Phone him and hear his voice!

wicklori

You poor thing! Try to give him the time he apears to need. Chin up in the meantime...

Nickibaby*

You poor thing. It's not nice being shouted at and seeing our loved ones acting out of character. You have given him space which is good. Maybe tomorrow ring him and ask him if he would like to meet up for lunch?

It's good to give him space but it sounds like he needs support too. Try not to take it too much to heart, he sounds very stressed out.

CDfm

Do you mind me asking what ages you are?

Ya- it could be job stress and people often shout when stressed. Job loss/fears can be like a kick in the nuts.

Believe or not moving in to live with someone is very stressful for some guys.

Its more about the stage of life and expectations.

LegacyUser

CDfm wrote: »

Do you mind me asking what ages you are?

Ya- it could be job stress and people often shout when stressed. Job loss/fears can be like a kick in the nuts.

Believe or not moving in to live with someone is very stressful for some guys.

Its more about the stage of life and expectations.

We're both 30... Think you may have a big point...