romance at work

LegacyUser

I just got a job in an office, it's not my dream job, but there seems to be good opportunity to grow if I can stick it....ok advice is...I met this guy in work, he's cute, and I was wondering what other ppls experience of work relationships were like? I'm not lookign for anything serious, I'm just out of a longterm and have no desire to start anything, i wanna be single and enjoy it for a while...so I was thinking of just scoring him...would it be awkward in work if that happened, or if we became f/buddies, is it possible and to keep it casual and end it, without repercussions? whats other ppls experiences?

*Honey*

Generally speaking, I'd say it was a bad idea. Business and pleasure don't make friendly bed fellows, especially if it goes sour.

prinz

*Honey* wrote: »

Generally speaking, I'd say it was a bad idea. Business and pleasure don't make friendly bed fellows, especially if it goes sour.

+1 all over that...

Nervous Wreck

I made a work colleague casual f/b thing work before. I eventually ended it and we're still really close mates.

Currently am my OH's supervisor and we get along grand! Howwwwwwwever, we're in a very very relaxed work-place where everyone is just mates... So that's pretty damn different from an office job.... So I dunno. This probably wasn't very helpful actually.

star-pants

Well, if you're not *that* interested then why go for it? And possibly make things awkward?

Or if you quite like the idea, wait and suss out the workplace, see what the atmosphere is like and if this type of thing might stand out a mile or be yesterdays news if something happened.

curious15

seriousli you shouldnt risk the awkwardness if your not that interested in the first place thats just stupid

MagicMarker

Just started in a brand new job and you want to bed a colleague?

Now that's just dumb.

Basically, whether you like it or not (and whether it's true or not), everyone will just think you're a slut.

LegacyUser

I was with a girl from work for around 3 months and I ended up falling for her. Thing was she was only interested in a bit of fun as she was only out of a long termer and well it wasnt that awkward in the end. It could have gone bad but we were both mature about it and I accepted her decision. We ignored each other for a few days or so while I sulked that she wasnt as interested as I was but that was about it, I copped on. It is tough having to see her every day knowing I cant have her but sure thats life, ill get over it. Id say go for it if you want but just be careful cause I have seen similar situations turn bad.

LegacyUser

magicmarker that's fairly harsh, I'm pretty sure bedding a guy after a serious monogamous 5yr relationship does not make me a slut.....

as for other ppls comments that if ur not that serious why go for it...cos like any human, I've been used to regular sex, would like some more, don't want to score someone from a pub (seriously, wouldnt' that be more sluttish?) and thought hey, he's good looking, nice and why not....

It might be awkward, but it's opinions like this...that getting off with a work colleague would prove i'm a slut...that makes for office gossip...and if it's ppl like that, that I have to worry about...feck it, ur not worth worrying about, its idle gossip

deise gal

My thoughts are no. Simply because i have been there done that. Its the awarkedness,not wanting others to find out etc is the worst.

STUBBORNGIRL

Take it from me you do not want to go down that road! i slept with a guy from work - pretty hot,had a great working relationship but now its all gone!! Down the drain -Im sure people in work have noticed that we dont speak to eachother and its horrible! i hate it - going into work everyday having to live with that awkwardness! I havent mentioned it to anyone in work as i dont want it getting around and i couldnt trust anyone! i cant be sure who he has told and i am paranoid wondering if he has some of the lads told!

So if you have a good relationship with this guy and all you are looking for is sex then i suggest you get yourself down to coppers and pick up a good looking guy from there that will give you your fix!!!

Im not saying that relationships in work do not work but if all you are looking for is sex then work is not the place to look for it!!

Dimitri

Its a tough one to call and it all depends on the type of collegues you have. In the last place i worked and the current one it was like a carrosell where everyone had one go wiht everyone else in their age barcket. But I've friends working who have done the bed a hot guy/girl at the christmass party and were were labelled bastard/slut forever more, i'd say if ya really want to go for it than hold off a while and get a better feeling for whats hot whats not there. If its not cool and you still want to than do a damn good job of sussing the fella out, many of us hate to say it but were just as bad with the gossiping and the bitching, and if he can't get his hole without acting like a half decent fella than i'd say let it go and find someone else.
As an aside i hate the term slut why cant two people have sex and leave it at that without being labelled derogatorially (sp?), it really pisses me off whats the problem if no one is getting led down the garden path?

LegacyUser

exactly, that's what I don't get....maybe I'm naive, but surely two grown ups can ****, and not let it get out of hand??? I'm not looking to date the guy...I'm not talking a 3mth relationship, but then again, I've never worked in such a closed-minded office atmosphere where ppl gossip so much....I don't want a reputation, I don't think he'd spread rumours or what have u...esp cos i'm not looking for more than a brief fling...

such a pity that a good opportunity should go to waste over ppl labelling one another in narrow minded environments

LegacyUser

stubborn

are you sure it wasn't just a bad choice of guy??? the same happened to me, I hooked up with a guy I'd been friends with and we stopped talking to one another after, cos I didn't want to sleep with him... doesn't mean all guys are like that?

personally, I'm just not attracted to guys at nightclubs, you can't get to know ppl there

Nevyn

In an ideal world yes, but we don't live in one and you have be professional in work and with your co workers.

Terodil

Don't!

It might be awkward, but it's opinions like this...that getting off with a work colleague would prove i'm a slut...that makes for office gossip...and if it's ppl like that, that I have to worry about...feck it, ur not worth worrying about, its idle gossip

What you need to realise here is that by your choice, you start mixing professional and private life. If your current job isn't perfect, you will want to start earning a rep asap so you can rise out of it. However, if you start f*cking around with people from work then it WILL come back to you, and it WILL impact your professional reputation. Mind you, I don't agree with all this 'slut' talk when girls have one night stands or brief flings, but I would react exactly the same way to a guy doing it. Human minds have curious workings, and people will keep what they sense, see or hear at the back of their minds and interpret your professional performance accordingly. It's not something they do intentionally, most of the times, but the way human perception works.

While love life can be left behind with little traces (e.g. by moving etc), it's not that easy with your professional track record. It's going to follow you around for the rest of your life, in the form of your CV, work assessments etc.

Ultimately it's your choice, of course. But if I were you, I would stay the hell away from him and find some other cute boy to f* around with.

star-pants

Unregistered wrote: »

exactly, that's what I don't get....maybe I'm naive, but surely two grown ups can ****, and not let it get out of hand??? I'm not looking to date the guy...I'm not talking a 3mth relationship, but then again, I've never worked in such a closed-minded office atmosphere where ppl gossip so much....I don't want a reputation, I don't think he'd spread rumours or what have u...esp cos i'm not looking for more than a brief fling...

such a pity that a good opportunity should go to waste over ppl labelling one another in narrow minded environments

No offence, but you've just started working there & first thing is wanting to bed one of your collegues. And then you say that they're close minded, a little unfair perhaps?
Working in an office atmosphere where you see people every day & even arguements between certain people can make it difficult, I really wouldn't want to chance messing around with someone just for a fling. I'm not saying that you'd get a rep, but what if he turned you down and then wouldn't talk to you anymore? Or he wanted more & you didn't? Or you wanted more and he didn't? It all creates bad atmosphere for you and others to work in.
So unless you're happy enough to take that chance, then I say leave the fling for some other guy who you don't work closely with.

Shivers26

In general, I would say no. Its not really a good idea to start something with a work colleague. What if he wants more or you do and the other just wants to keep it casual, you still have to look at each other every day then.

I was great friends with a guy I used to work with. We used to go out every week in a group and we were always flirting etc etc andyway one week one thing led to another and so started a very strange 'relationship'. We were never officially in a relationship but would see each other every day, go out a couple of times a week and I would stay over at his a couple of times a week. We would often say how much we liked each other. However, he was also friendly with his ex-girlfriend who lived abroad. Every day nearly she would ring him at work (I sat at the desk facing him) and he would be blabbering on to her for ages but then I would overhear little comments like 'remember what I was telling you about last night'......in the end I was getting hurt so I started pulling back big time and going home along after nights out! I met my current partner and we started seeing each other and I was very happy, then suddenly the guy in work started saying he loved me, WTF! He couldnt say it when he had me. His loss in the end. I was promoted and made a sharp exit from that particular office

Moral of the story : Dont sh1t on your own doorstep.

Shivers26

Sorry, just an additional note - other people we worked with didnt know what was going on. Neither of us told and we kept it very discreet so this is also possible but it depends on the individuals involved.

Saucey-Susie

if you are just looking for something casual, why with someone in work? its gonna get awkward and messy and people in work will be talking about you. especially being new there. keep work as work. if you are looking for a f/buddy, my advice is make work the LAST place you look!

Terodil

Shivers26 wrote: »

Sorry, just an additional note - other people we worked with didnt know what was going on. Neither of us told and we kept it very discreet so this is also possible but it depends on the individuals involved.

Maybe. Maybe they were polite and didn't let you know that they knew.

Such things have a way of transpiring.

_blank_

It seems to me that you've already decided to do this guy.

So.

In the words of the great Nike gods.

Just do it.

Now, you can either tell him before you do the deed that it's going to be a casual thing, and he might be all over that, just down his alley.

But, what happens if

A. You fall for him and actually want a longer term thing, but he tells you no dice. Will you be calling him names for riding you and not wanting more?

B. He falls for you and wants a longer term thing, could you handle that?

It's a new job, so think about the consequences, it's not very easy to find another new job if you can't handle the heat after doing the guy.

barbiegirl

Can be done but only if BOTH of you are aware from the start that it is casual and you are BOTH grown up enough to not let it impact work.

I've dated guys I worked with, in one case we lost a great friendship for a one night snog fest (i.e no sex) cause he couldn't handle it, but in two other cases I had long term relationships. In fact married to one of them now :-)

Seriously though I liked all three guys and wasn't adverse to longer term dating if it felt right. If you really only want casual and don't want a reputation, then don't s**t on your own doorstep. It's obviously not what you want to hear but you asked for opinions.

LegacyUser

I have to say i dont get the majority of posters resistance to a thing with someone from work. Surely doing something with one person doesnt generate a 'reputation', doing things with many people anywhere will get you a reputation, cannot single out work for this.

People talk about 'your own doorstep' and not to do anything on it...but er surely that applies to any group you are a part of. If thats your attitude then you cant do anything with someone in your circle of friends, any club you are in or any other organisation because if it goes wrong etc. So according to that we all can only do things with total and complete strangers?

I dont know about the rest of you but thats not how it works with me. Doing something with someone from work is perfectly fine in my book. You spend a lot of time during the week with people from work, sometimes even more so then your friends and other halves so its quite natural that attractions develop and things happen.

LegacyUser

OP, dont mind all these people saying dont do it and saying you will be labled a "slut". Its only one guy we are talking about, its not as if our lining them all up for a go!! Just go for it id say. You can deal with the consequences after!!

I have seen both sides of the coin on this one, some people get with each other and it goes sour and the atmosphere is awful after and I have been on the other side and been with someone myself. We never set any ground rules, I just went along for the ride so to speak. Fell for her but she wasnt interested. Thats fine, we dealt with it like adults and just went back to being friends. Maybe we werent exactly as friendly as we had been before but you cant really expect that I suppose.

Also lots of people in work knew about it but she never got branded a slut and all the girls still think im a lovely guy so so much for being branded for the rest of our working lives!!

zxcvbnm1

Unregistered wrote: »

I have to say i dont get the majority of posters resistance to a thing with someone from work. Surely doing something with one person doesnt generate a 'reputation', doing things with many people anywhere will get you a reputation, cannot single out work for this.

People talk about 'your own doorstep' and not to do anything on it...but er surely that applies to any group you are a part of. If thats your attitude then you cant do anything with someone in your circle of friends, any club you are in or any other organisation because if it goes wrong etc. So according to that we all can only do things with total and complete strangers?

I dont know about the rest of you but thats not how it works with me. Doing something with someone from work is perfectly fine in my book. You spend a lot of time during the week with people from work, sometimes even more so then your friends and other halves so its quite natural that attractions develop and things happen.

The difference with work is that you cannot avoid then in teh future iof things go wrong.
With a circle of friends you can limit how much you have to see of someone. Not so with work.

And that is the main problem.

IF things go wrong/awkward you will still have to see this person every day.
That's why people advise against teh whole work thing.

I'm not saying you shouldn't do it - i've done it myself i.e. had a f/buddy from work.
She was more interested in me than i her and things got kind of awkward - but not hugely so either to be fair.

Teh point is though that if things do get awkward - and they might - then there is no where to hide from teh person.
SO keep that in mind.

Salome

Shivers26 wrote: »

Moral of the story : Dont sh1t on your own doorstep.

+1

LegacyUser

The place I work there was a guy who was going out with another girl form the building ,she was a pretty plain kind of girl .Anyhow at the christmas he got talking to a very attractive girl from another part of the building and he ended up leaving the party with the other girl .

The original girlfriend dumped him but they worked stuff out and got back together . A month later lady at christmas party tells him she's pregnant he dumps original girlfriend(even though the're living together and engaged ) and moves in with chrismas party girl.

You can imagine what the tension is like there.