Insecurities - keeping them under control without closing myself off.

LegacyUser

I've always been quite an insecure person and when i was younger I allowed my insecurities to become all consuming at times. As I've gotten older I've sort of gotten better about things. I've dated quite a few guys and I've been totally fine, my usual confident, funny witty self. I've come to realise over the years that I am an attractive girl- I'd even go as far as to say above average.

Now I've met someone that I'm crazy about(and he seems to be about me) and I find myself reverting into this quite, shy, afraid of her shadow type girl. I don't want to be this person and I know it's not attractive. I've even started feeling some jealous and paranoid feelings creeping in about other girls leaving him messages on social networking sites. I've managed to keep these under wraps for now but I'm worried they will start to surface and I really don't want to ruin the chance of this relationship developing.

I'm insecure about my body, I don't feel interesting or attractive enough. I find I'm comparing myself to other girls, and not being good enough.

Deep down I know I am good enough, I know I am as intelligent, attractive and funny as any of these girls. I know that he is into me in a big way. So why can't I drop these feelings?

I know it's toxic and will ruin the relationship if I don't nip this in the bud now - anyone any suggestions on how to overcome this???

Nervous Wreck

Sounds corny but I think the best advice is to believe in yourself. You say you're an attractive girl and you seem to believe it. People don't rate each others' attractiveness on looks alone. It's all about the confidence. As you already said, you're funny, confident, witty, pretty. Own these things. Look in the mirror, tell yourself these things out loud and smile! It's good to be confident and if you have that confidence inside, it'll really show on the outside.

As for other girls; you've already said he's well into you so don't worry about it! If my gf worried about the amount of girls leaving me comments, she'd be a nervous wreck (ho ho). Fact of the matter is, lots of my mates are girls and that's a good thing! You sound cool. Keep it up, he's lucky to have this chance with you!

LegacyUser

OP, I could be the male version of you!! I am literally the same. For years my friends have been telling me im a good looking guy, generous, fun, a great catch for anyone etc but I could just never believe them, I never rated myself. Deep down I always knew I had alot more to offer than most of my friends who were off pulling every weekend by telling women what they wanted to hear or out cheating on their girlfriends but I was always too shy or scared to do anything about it!

It was only the last 18 months/2 years that I start believing in myself. I joined a new job in a fairly large office and I just kept getting compliments from all the women and eventually I got more confident in talking to women I like and I thought I was over all my insecurities. I started dating a girl around the start of the year who was stunning and I was the envy of alot of the lads. She did all the chasing and it was all good but after about 4/5 weeks everything just hit me....I was that quiet insecure guy again questioning why she was with me, watching everthing I said incase it was the wrong thing.....Aaaggghhh I f*cked it all up as she lost interest and I dont blame her. I know exactly how you feel OP and Im sorry I cant really give you any advice except to just believe in yourself and dont let this mess up what could be a good thing like I did.

LegacyUser

OP Again, Thanks guys. Have made a decision to cop myself. Nervous wreck you're right he is lucky to have a chance with me so I'm going to make sure he realises that :-)