New to dating! Need help/advice

shreksaurus

Considered posting this in Pi but changed my mind and posting here instead.

Have been single for a few years and joined up to an online dating site a few months ago.

Got chatting to a guy and have just been asked out on a coffee date and hopefully meet this weekend. And i'm absolutely terrified.

Scared that I'll say something stupid and silly. Scared of sounding lame. Scared that my mind will go blank and cant think of anything to say or talk about.

So need some help/advice please on what to do, and on what not to do. What are good topics to talk about. I'd have no problem taking about my job - its not an everyday kind of job - so i'm thinking that might be a good thing to talk about. But I cant just talk about my job.

Jules

you will probably get more replies in RI and not PI.

Moved from tLL.

southofnowhere

shreksaurus wrote: »

Considered posting this in Pi but changed my mind and posting here instead.

Have been single for a few years and joined up to an online dating site a few months ago.

Got chatting to a guy and have just been asked out on a coffee date and hopefully meet this weekend. And i'm absolutely terrified.

Scared that I'll say something stupid and silly. Scared of sounding lame. Scared that my mind will go blank and cant think of anything to say or talk about.

So need some help/advice please on what to do, and on what not to do. What are good topics to talk about. I'd have no problem taking about my job - its not an everyday kind of job - so i'm thinking that might be a good thing to talk about. But I cant just talk about my job.

Keep an open mind!

It's natural to be nervous, but I reckon if you go in with a plan and pre-determined topics etc it could all go to pot a lot quicker than if you just go in with a positive attitude.

What have ye chatted about online so far? Has that flowed naturally?

No doubt there will be awkwardness, nerves etc (he'll be bricking it too - don't forget that) but just try your best to relax and treat it for what it is, just a coffee. Not a job interview!

Your aim should be to have fun and get to know someone a little better. And if in doubt ask questions - we all love talking about ourselves!

Latchy

Just be yourself OP .It is likley that he will be just as nervous , if not more than you .Going to a place with some relaxing background music may help .

Stheno

southofnowhere wrote: »

Keep an open mind!

It's natural to be nervous, but I reckon if you go in with a plan and pre-determined topics etc it could all go to pot a lot quicker than if you just go in with a positive attitude.

What have ye chatted about online so far? Has that flowed naturally?

No doubt there will be awkwardness, nerves etc (he'll be bricking it too - don't forget that) but just try your best to relax and treat it for what it is, just a coffee. Not a job interview!

Your aim should be to have fun and get to know someone a little better. And if in doubt ask questions - we all love talking about ourselves!

+1 if the chats online have been ok, then you can follow up on those, then you have neutral things like news, sport, tv/movies you are interested in, all sorts.

Try to relax and see how it goes, if you are very nervous suggest a time limit, e.g. you need to meet a friend an hour or two later. And honestly he'll be as nervous as you are. One small tip I'd give you is to be confident in terms of what you are wearing, i.e. be happy wearing it, it's one less thing to worry about for yourself.

Good luck!!

Pinky Pixie

Don't worry OP if you have been chatting him online you are bound to have enough to talk about to fill at least one date. Don't discount yourself too, if he has been chatting to you so far he obviously finds you interesting enough to ask you out.

I think you should be excited. I may be one of the few but I love first dates. You both are unsure and all a first date is, is really a chance to have a laugh and see if there is a spark.

I have been on quite a few dates in my time so here is my best advice...

• Go mid-week so if its not going as planned it is easy to make your excuses and leave without looking rude.
• Don't try out a new outfit. I think it's best to something you know you look great in.
• When you meet him first smile and kiss him on the cheek. That will relax him from the get go and stops it feeling interviewy.
• Don't contantly ask questions in the lulls in conversation. Simply say for example that your going to a gig at the weekend. Hopefully that will give him the chance to ask you questions, so he doesn't feel so nervous either. I find if the other person is relaxed then I'm relaxed.
• Body language says a lot. Try to sit up confidently and not fidget.
• Offer to pay, guys love the whole treating the lady in the first few dates so don't insist on paying half if he wants to pay for everything.

If I think of anymore I'll post them up. But they are the main ones which I go by. Good luck (not that you need it) and let us know how you get on

poindexter

tell him you're a wee bit nervous, once you get it out there then it's done. it will flow, don't worry about it

shreksaurus

Thanks for your replies. Read them all yesterday. Was busy in work so didn't get a chance to reply.
He asked me for a coffee last weekend for sometime during the weekend. He gave me his number. We texted back and forth. Texted him wednesday to organise a meet up for coffee for the weekend. I didnt get a reply back. I'm a patient person, but for the love of god. A day and a half has gone by. 5 days since I last heard from him. He seems to be messing around. Thats guy number two that has done that, that is showed interest and then nothing.

I'm on plentyoffish, and another poster was here yesterday on PI having similiar problems being ignored. Is that kind of messing around only happening on pof. Wish I could name and shame him here but I wont.

Who needs a man when I've my dog - shes honest, loyal, reliable, and good looking. I love her and she loves me back.

SarahSassy

shreksaurus wrote: »

Thanks for your replies. Read them all yesterday. Was busy in work so didn't get a chance to reply.
He asked me for a coffee last weekend for sometime during the weekend. He gave me his number. We texted back and forth. Texted him wednesday to organise a meet up for coffee for the weekend. I didnt get a reply back. I'm a patient person, but for the love of god. A day and a half has gone by. 5 days since I last heard from him. He seems to be messing around. Thats guy number two that has done that, that is showed interest and then nothing.

I'm on plentyoffish, and another poster was here yesterday on PI having similiar problems being ignored.

Let him off and dont boost his ego by contacting him again.

He could be looking for ego boosts but also maybe in a relationship already and he cant meet you. Either way it was a lucky escape for you.. Next...

myusernameis

yeah thats preety annoying and mean to keep you waiting, i really dont think there is no excuse not to reply these days, there is always webtext and some network providers provide IOU's. Yeah, i would just forget about him unless he had a genuine reason not to reply. Yeah i found that too with pof, you get chatting and everything and then nothing! argh! but yeah forget bout him, dont even look at his profile.

shreksaurus

Well hes time to login and look at his profile, so he definatiately has time to text but I'm not getting anything. If hes out of credit or something he could simply write me a message on pof.
Christ he has my phone number. Hope he doesn't harass me

Otis Driftwood

Screw him,his loss.

SarahSassy

shreksaurus wrote: »

Well hes time to login and look at his profile, so he definatiately has time to text but I'm not getting anything. If hes out of credit or something he could simply write me a message on pof.
Christ he has my phone number. Hope he doesn't harass me

Remove his number from your phone and the memory of him from your head. He seems to be a messer...

myusernameis

just delete him, hes not worthy of your time, hun.

Pinky Pixie

Seems like a coward to me, he was obviously too afraid to meet you in person. You were nervous but at least you are willing to try new things. Your way better off without a guy with no balls:)

shreksaurus

Thanks for the replies and for cheering me up. I liked hearing from him and getting his messages. I was so honest in my profile and messages sent to him. Sent him some personals too. Its beyond me how someone could do such a thing. As in to text back and forth, initiate chats sometimes, suggest meeting up and then nothing. Hes a pig. I deleted his number from my phone.

Salome

Been there, done that a couple of times when I was single. I thought that things were going great but when it came to meeting, it was a dead end. Probably married or definitely cowardly IME.

You've had a lucky escape, he's shown his true colours. Don't be discouraged though - there are lovely men out there. You just gotta wade through the shyte ones to reach the good 'uns.

Good luck OP.

LegacyUser

A real man would never ever do that to a girl.