Work placement woes

d1widdhair

hi. im doing my work placement for college at the moment and i'm desperately homesick. its in a different country where i dont speak the language and despite being very excited about it before i got here now i feel i've made a huge mistake. its only 3 months but i dont think i can stick it out. i miss everything about ireland and have been crying constantly since i left. if i went home i would have to redo the placement somewhere in ireland and i know it has happened before but i feel like id have let everyone down. despite this i cant sleep, i find it hard to eat. and i have no interest in exploring the country, making friends or doing my job here. its only been less then two weeks but i am in bits. honestly, what would you do?

star-pants

Firstly don't ever feel you're letting anyone down by making a decision that's better for you.
I understand homesickness, I really do. I went to college in Galway for 4 years (I'm from Dublin) and I'd never been that far away from home for that type of length of time. Away from my family and friends. I used to go home every weekend, and I'd cry on the bus back to Galway every sunday evening. I'd cry during the week sometimes because I felt lonely. Eventually I cut back how much I went home, as I knew it was just refreshing my feeling of being away. That did help things after a while, I socialised a bit more and that too can make you feel less homesick. Things did get a lot better once I started to focus on my life there -- as much as I missed home. I would call/text most days to keep in touch and keep in the loop and it didn't seem as bad.

Another homesick story is when i went to Australia with a friend of mine. Again, halfway round the world, and we weren't having much luck on the job front. So boredome combined with limited funds and being so far away, I was so so homesick, I would cry and sometimes not sleep/eat. In the end I had to weigh things up, go home and feel better, or stay there and feel miserable. The last thing I wanted to do was to let people down, I'd told so many I was going to Australia for a job and people were supportive. I didn't want to come back 6months early with my tail between my legs (as I saw it).
But in talking to my mother & dad, they said they were proud of me no matter what, and would prefer me to be home & happy, than away and miserable. I went home after 4 months of being away.

I'm not saying go home, and I'm not saying to stay. But I do think maybe you should talk to your family, explain how you feel and they will be supportive. Perhaps give yourself a week or so to try and impliment things that will improve your time over there. Try and socialise, try and talk to others/make friends. See if that makes any difference. If it doesn't then - as you said, end of the day, you can relocate. It's not the end of the world, you won't be the first or last person to feel homesick & need to change.

Honestly, it's actually fairly normal to feel that way. But maybe just give it one more shot before you leave.

Redpunto

3 months isnt a long time but if you are feeling that bad then you might need to come home - talk this through with someone that you trust before making a decicion

Dont worry about thinking your letting people down - im sure your friends and family just want you to be happy and would feel awful if they knew how you feel.

missingtime

Well for me, I've never really been that far away from home. Well I was in Philippines for 3 weeks but I had 2 friend there at the time.

I missed my then girlfriend something rotten but, and I'd like to think this, if I was in your position I'd try to stick it out.

What country are you in? Surely there is an irish bar somewhere

Hobbes

Homesickness is real and can happen regardless of where you are.

1. I recommend trying to get your hands on stuff that is related to home and you. Music, books, DVDS, blankets, toys, etc. Deck the house/apartment with them. Common items to home can help lower the level of home sickness.

2. Make common foods that you normally eat at home. Get your family to send stuff (Tayto is a big deal for some, teabags for others). Food can be a big deal, especially if you move to a country with a very different culture. If your foodstuffs is classed a specality, then there will be a store related to it. From there you can find people from Ireland.

3. Keep in contact with people at home either by phone or Webcam (webcam is better).

4. Study the culture of the host country. A lot of the little things is what will put you off base if you are not aware of them. If you are aware of how someone from the host country will react it can make it less stressful for you when it does happen.

The homesickness does go away. But you need to be active in your host country. Don't just sit at home feeling sorry for yourself. Find something parttime that you like that goes on in the country, if you did it at home then helps more (eg. sailing, rock climbing, learn a language, find a bar, etc).

For me it was weather was a big deal for me, took me a long while to get used to it, and felt more homesick during winter time. For my wife it was food. Once she found foodstuffs in Dublin that were similar to her home country the homesickness dropped dramatically.

Banter Joe

People typically adapt to whatever reality they're in at a particular time.

While it might seem unbearable at the moment to be away from all of these things which were the norm, that feeling will pass. And, it will get steadily more bearable with time. I say this from experience.

I don't mean to be harsh, but it sounds like you're feeling sorry for yourself a bit too much. You seem to be re-enforcing the idea that you've made the wrong decision going abroad, and that everything is bad about the place you are currently, rather than looking for the positives.

Nothing works out perfectly. If you had stayed in Ireland, maybe you'd be regretting the decision not to go abroad. What I'm trying to say is, just because you're finding it difficult is no reason to think you've made the wrong decision. If anything, it's a great oppurtunity to prove your own strength. In three months time, if you stick it out, you'll be able to feel proud that you overcame this challenge, that you asserted your independance.

Do all those things Hobbes mentioned above, and it won't even seem like you're away from home after a while.

If you go at things with a positive attitude even for a short while, you'll feel stronger, and everything will seem much easier. Now is the time to stop crying, accept reality, and not let this homesickness beat you.

tfeldi

Make the best of your stay abroad. Join a sports club or sign up for a language course. That way you get to meet people who are also new to the place. You know that you have to get over your homesickness. See it as your personal challenge. You might regret not taking this opportunity.

Hazys

Id say stick out if you can. Worst case scenario is you have a sh1tty 3 months and its not the end of the world because at the end you know you get to home to your family and friends.

To help you try and get your family or friends to visit even if its only for a weekend if feasible. If you get your parents to call out in a month or so, u'll have something to look forward to and by the time they've visited your nearly there. Maybe you could go out an research what restaurants, pubs are good to bring them too, it might something to concentrate on instead of missing home and you may meet other people to hang out with.

Id defly recommend going to the gym, join some random class if they have them in english or something, anything to take your mind off home. Like someone else said there's irish pubs everywhere in the world maybe head out for one or two and relax, maybe end up talking to some other irish folks to get a piece of home. If you dont feel all that comfortable going out maybe you could use the 3 months to catch up on reading or something.

Twitter

Hi OP, I really feel for you, having been in the same situation. My advice, and it's only advice as ultimately you do your own thing, is to stick it out. But not just resign yourself to having 3 months of drudgery ahead of you. Get up in the morning and decide to grab your situation by the balls, if you'll pardon the expression, and just squeeze every bit of excitement, fun, education etc you can out of this.
My first extended period away from home was 6 weeks in France at the end of first year in college. I counted every day how long it was til I'd be home. Then in September after that I was due to go on my Erasmus year. Off I headed to Germany. Counted most of the days til Christmas, came home, sat like a miserable sap in Dublin airport on the day I was due to go back and considered just getting the train home again. Then I had an enlightening thought. I just said, shag this, I'll go back, give it a go, and if I really hate it, then I'll come home. Roll on a few weeks, having acknowledged to myself that I was in control and that it was no big deal if I couldn't hack it, I couldn't have been happier. I settled in and July rolled round, when I was due to go home....I had grown so fond of the place that I took a year out to stay on!
So, while it is probably inconceivable to you at the moment, you could grow to love your current abode. The other thing is, if you're anywhere remotely close to home, like somewhere in Europe, someone of your family/friends could visit for a weekend....the only good thing to be said about Ryanair!! Also, being based somewhere that isn't an island is an excellent opportunity to do a bit of travelling and exploring. Make a conscious decision to learn a new phrase/try a new food/ find out a fact about the city every day. Start a blog to keep your family/friends up to speed.
I really believe that this could be a wonderful experience if you embrace it fully. I also fully believe that you're no less of a person if it's just not for you and you pack up and go home. x:)

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

Personally i dont think there is anything wrong with going home if you heart is telling you its what you want,

Dont stick something out if you hate it, if you can make a better situation for yourself at home go do it, dont worry about the consequences, but it sounds like you just need to trust whats right for you,

Making this decision is also a learning curve, putting yourself first and trusting whats right for you,


There is no failure in going home to what you love and what gives you love and strength but i think you would be failing yourself if you stayed.

Manny7

First try not to worry about - practically everyone goes through the same feelings when they're put into a new situation; I did Erasmus years ago and hated the first month or so, by the time my year was up I loved it so much I nearly had to be dragged back to Ireland.

I don't know how much help it will be (maybe just to realise these feelings are completely normal), but if you google the Satir Change Model this describes the stages people go through when confronted with a change in their life (I know it sounds like some dodgy self-help thing but it's widely accepted in the business world and can be applied to anyone). You've moved from the status quo at home into the chaos stage - "state of utter confusion; expectations are not fulfilled; things seem to be totally out of control". What I found helped me to move out of this stage was to think about what I'd be doing at home if I were there - seems counter-intuitive as it might make you miss home more, but I mean really think about it. Going for a few drinks with friends? So you won't be at those drinks, there'll be plenty more in future. What's really going to change at home in the 3 months you're away? Nothing compared to the experiences you'll have if you can conquer your homesickness.

I think tfeldi has the right idea - make it a personal challenge to get over this and enjoy the rest of your time away; I still look back at my Erasmus days as some of the best of my life, and yet I would have given anything to come home in my first month there. Things will get better if you make the effort, plenty of good suggestions to get you started in the posts above.

Permabear

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d1widdhair

thank u all for d encouragement. i have persuaded my parents to fly over and my bf in the next month, n try n stick it out. i know il regret it if i go home.

star-pants

d1widdhair wrote: »

thank you all for the encouragement. I have persuaded my parents to fly over and my bf in the next month, and try and stick it out. I know I'll regret it if I go home.

That's good You can get through this and you'll be so proud of yourself when you do!