Aparently I need a PR team or a change of attitude.

pisslips

So, I recieved a text message recently that said,''this is why the lads reckon your never gonna find a nice girl for yourself''.

I thought o.k., didn't know everyone was so concerned but also, damn really?never?

The problem seems to be my image and how I constantly taint it apparently or perhaps they're refering to something else. This text was in reaction to the previous night's act of bedding or more half-bedding some girl which in fairness was done in a super SUPER sleazy fashion.But it's hardly a big deal even if she had a boyfriend.

Things like this happen constantly though, well obviously I try to make them happen.

I tend to have tremendous craic on a night out and adventures, probably due to my lack of inhabition but I actually am an honest person who treats everyone with respect.

The problem is I can't be phoney, I cannot tell people I care about them and I don't complement people particularly if it's some girl fishing for re-assurance or compliment. I cannot be a salesman. I cannot implicitly show women ,'' I'm so popular, also lots of people respect me and look these women fancy me '', I don't know how guys can do these things with a straight face and women who see right through them can just accept it.
I find it very hard to just half-love someone within a few days or hours of meeting someone like other people seem to be able to do.


Most guys go out have the craic and do dirty sleazy shannanigans and theres nothing wrong with that. So why do i have to hide that or lie about it just like others do? Apparently I'm to stop doing what I want to do or else be some kind of phoney.

Do I need a PR team?

I would never have really cared before except that seeing as I've never gone out with anyone and now apparently I never will according to some friends. HOLY ****!

That's a bleak outlook.

prinz

pisslips wrote: »

So, I recieved a text message recently that said,''this is why the lads reckon your never gonna find a nice girl for yourself''.

I thought o.k., didn't know everyone was so concerned but also, damn really?never?

The problem seems to be my image and how I constantly taint it apparently or perhaps they're refering to something else. This text was in reaction to the previous night's act of bedding or more half-bedding some girl which in fairness was done in a super SUPER sleazy fashion.But it's hardly a big deal even if she had a boyfriend.

Things like this happen constantly though, well obviously I try to make them happen.

I tend to have tremendous craic on a night out and adventures, probably due to my lack of inhabition but I actually am an honest person who treats everyone with respect.

The problem is I can't be phoney, I cannot tell people I care about them and I don't complement people particularly if it's some girl fishing for re-assurance or compliment. I cannot be a salesman. I cannot implicitly show women ,'' I'm so popular, also lots of people respect me and look these women fancy me '', I don't know how guys can do these things with a straight face and women who see right through them can just accept it.
I find it very hard to just half-love someone within a few days or hours of meeting someone like other people seem to be able to do.


Most guys go out have the craic and do dirty sleazy shannanigans and theres nothing wrong with that. So why do i have to hide that or lie about it just like others do? Apparently I'm to stop doing what I want to do or else be some kind of phoney.

Do I need a PR team?

I would never have really cared before except that seeing as I've never gone out with anyone and now apparently I never will according to some friends. HOLY ****!

That's a bleak outlook.

They're probably right, given the apparent level of self-obsession. Be thankful you have real friends who tell it like it is.

Oh The Humanity

The problem is I can't be phoney, I cannot tell people I care about them and I don't complement people particularly if it's some girl fishing for re-assurance or compliment.

Often when people say the above or 'Im very blunt' or 'Im very honest' etc what it actually means is they are rude or offensive.

The person concerned sees themselves as a maverick and different but in a good way. You know the way we are all enthralled by ourselves, it can come as a shock to realise others dont see us through the same rose tinted spectacles.

Look at yourself objectively, I mean REALLY objectively, dont forgive yourself because you are yourself. Take an incident or something you said and imagine someone else doing it.

How would it seem then?

Being phoney is not the same thing as having a bit of descretion. There is a world of difference, if you are pi$$ing off your mates and driving people away then its because you may be coming accross as arrogant or embarassing. Only you can decide.

It not common for your mates to care who you bed, whether the girl had a boyfriend or not is no skin off their nose. So listen to what is actually being said and dont jump to the defensive.

As I say people who imagine themselves to be 'un-phoney' etc have often just not learned the unspoken rules that grease social interaction and become alienated, lonely and ultimately rejected by others.

The unspoken rules are there for a myriad of reasons. Nuances of interaction abound that you have to learn in order to maximise your own success and pleasure without ending up lonely and misunderstood.

Dudess

pisslips wrote: »

This text was in reaction to the previous night's act of bedding or more half-bedding some girl which in fairness was done in a super SUPER sleazy fashion.But it's hardly a big deal even if she had a boyfriend.

It is actually. And are you saying she has a boyfriend? In which case maybe stop being so selfish?

Things like this happen constantly though, well obviously I try to make them happen.

I tend to have tremendous craic on a night out and adventures, probably due to my lack of inhabition

So you whore around, sticking it into all and sundry pretty much indiscriminately? You're not exactly depicting yourself as much of a "catch".

but I actually am an honest person who treats everyone with respect.

Part B I'd have my doubts about.

The problem is I can't be phoney, I cannot tell people I care about them and I don't complement people particularly if it's some girl fishing for re-assurance or compliment. I cannot be a salesman. I cannot implicitly show women ,'' I'm so popular, also lots of people respect me and look these women fancy me '', I don't know how guys can do these things with a straight face and women who see right through them can just accept it.
I find it very hard to just half-love someone within a few days or hours of meeting someone like other people seem to be able to do.

Well amen to that, but you don't have to act the big man-ho either.

Most guys go out have the craic and do dirty sleazy shannanigans and theres nothing wrong with that.

No they don't. That type of guy is despised. You can have one-night stands without being "dirty" and/or "sleazy".
Just be more choosy about who you sleep with and consider her feelings, not just your penis. It's possible to have casual sex with someone you respect. Don't have casual sex with someone you don't respect.
And you'll actually survive if you go the odd weekend without ****ing someone - I promise.
Some girls might fall for the "I'm de maaaaaan" thing when they're 19 but they grow up.

pisslips

Well, I never implied that I didn't respect the girl.
Also, I'm not a man-ho, I don't sleep around much. When you say think about the feelings of the girl, how did I take them for granted she didn't express any form of negativity.

I definitely do not present myself as some sort of maverick, man-ho, far from it really.

In reality I hang back quite a lot and tend to rely on humour quite a lot and I definitely do not have much confidence with women.

I do appreciate the first two comments though, I am self-obsessed to an unhealthy degree and I can be arrogant and rude, sometimes it just comes through but I try desperately not to be, it's just thats how I see myself, it comes through.

Sometimes other people are so good at masking insecurity that you forget they even have them and before you know it your talking to them as if you were having a conversation with yourself.

Kimia

Dudess wrote: »

consider her feelings, not just your penis..

Very funny, and very true.

Totally agree. Carry on like this and you'll be the dirty, sleazy, oul fella in the corner of the pub looking at the young wans.

*shudder*

Do you want to be that guy??

pisslips

I'm sorry maybe I just don't get it.

Is it not equally valid to say to her,

''consider his feelings, not just your vagina''

?!?!?!?!

How am I being selfish due to her having a boyfirend, surely she is the one who is cheating.


Maybe this is my problem, I never realised that men have more responsibility than women.

Apparently women don't actually want to share equal social rights and responsibility as men.

Of course in reality they do, so thats absolute bull****, thats why I treat women like adults even if sometimes they want to be treated like children.

Woah, that was very defensive but it seems right.

I do believe that there are strong independant intellegent confident witty women out there who will ruin me someday.......hopefully but I definitely have to make more of an effort.

Kimia

Oh FFS

This isn't about her - did she post?

Yes, please make a sweeping generalisation about men and women.

You admitted you 'half-bedded the girl in SUPER sleazy fashion'.

That's not treating someone like an adult, it's treating them without respect.

Whatever, it's up to yourself how you turn out, I don't really care as it's only yourself that will suffer in the end. You obviously don't want help you're just being defensive and rambling on.

pisslips

O.K. fair enough I did come for advise.

The problem probably is that I do like me and my set up in general so it's probably not gonna be easy to change and I'd probably fight against it a lot.

Kimia

Ok well look, if you are happy with yourself and you are satisfied and fulfilled in your life and in your relationships, well then don't change.

If your behaviour is having a negative affect on your friendships (maybe this is what they were trying to say?) then if you want to maintain those friendships you need to have a frank talk with yourself.

You sound young - can i ask how old are you?

Dudess

Of course it's selfish of you to initiate things with this attached girl - this "she was the one being unfaithful" lark is a cop-out. YOU are the one who said you were extremely sleazy about it. And you certainly have implied you disrespect women by holding up seedy behaviour by men as the norm - we can only go by what you've posted yourself.

I do believe that there are strong independant intellegent confident witty women out there who will ruin me someday.......hopefully but I definitely have to make more of an effort.

Bingo. The statement implying you only use girls with poor self esteem to discard at will.

Terodil

pisslips wrote: »

O.K. fair enough I did come for advise.

The problem probably is that I do like me and my set up in general so it's probably not gonna be easy to change and I'd probably fight against it a lot.

at least nobody can accuse you of being insecure...

honestly, you need to take a step back and learn to put yourself into other people's shoes. Would you like to be the bf who got cheated on? no? surprise.

herya

Honestly I can't see where your problem is. I guess the only issue is that you can't have your cake and eat it.

If you're happy with your current lifestyle stick with it and screw what your friends say. It's your life and if girls are silly or horny enough to go with you it's their gain (or loss).

If you want to be in a meaningful relationship you need to change your approach completely and your friends are right here. PR team won't help as PR only glosses over the issues when you need to change it from the inside. All this PR or "I'm not a salesman" talk is just very very immature. You don't "sell yourself" to people you want to be close with. It's not about sales.

Either - or. The choice is yours. You can't stay the way you are and be taken seriously in any relationship. But you can stay the way you are and enjoy yourself as long as you have stamina and a supply of willing girls.

Communicator

I'm sorry, but your user name says it all for me.

Respect for women? I think not...Perhaps that's where you're going wrong.

LegacyUser

Look If you don't have anything nice to say then dont say anything at all to anyone noit just the girls.

Your mates are obviously fed up with you being rude and disrespectfull (not just to girls but to friends I would imagine if they have taken the time to text you)

You have every right to go out and enjoy yourself, have your own opinions, love yourself but you have no right to hurt other people.

I would imagine your firends have not text you just because of that one incident but there have obviously been numerous times you have annoyed them if they took the time to text you.

I think you should make a concious effort to have more respect for people and their feelings. There will be girls who cheat (this is not your fault) I think you just need to drop the sleze and stop saying rude things to people. When you feel like saying something "honest" just ask is it necessary for me to say this. Will the conversation or people invoiced in the conversation gain anything by me saying it. If the answer is no then dont say it.

Please try to make some changes or you may lose some friends

Hope this helps.

Kimia

Communicator wrote: »

I'm sorry, but your user name says it all for me.

Ewwww. I hope it's not what I think it is..

You don't seem to want to change, you just want us to call you the MAN. Or am i wrong?

Beruthiel

pisslips wrote: »

Do I need a PR team?

Your user name says more to me than a 10 page essay ever could.
In fact, I believe DeVore asked you to pick a different one so the rest of us no longer had to look at it.

I can tell from your user name that you have little respect for women, don't know where the line is and have lowered yourself several inches below it.
No bloke, with any level of decorum and cop on would ever have choosen such a nick name.

pisslips

Wow and I thought I was being defensive. Did I offend someone?



It's not like i'm like this 24/7, usually I'm normal, do some work and have a chat but every few weeks I need a kind of mad escape and i get in some crazy situation.

This is definitely not a ''you're the man'' thread.

It's not even remotely pride-worthy.

pisslips

pisslips wrote: »

Wow and I thought I was being defensive. Did I offend someone?



It's not like i'm like this 24/7, usually I'm normal, do some work and have a chat but every few weeks I need a kind of mad escape and i get in some crazy situation.

e.g. the drunk driving? (assuming you're the same person)

grow up and cop on, there's a diff between "i'm being honest" and being incredibly arrogant and offensive and to be quite frank you're extremely immature.

username123

pisslips wrote: »

Wow and I thought I was being defensive. Did I offend someone?

Your user name is an offensive term used to describe female sexual parts. How could you not have offended people with that choice of user name?

Im not really clear on what you want from this thread, you seem proud of your sexual exploits while describing a given situation as 'super sleazy', you seem to have little respect for women, you seem to think that people 'sell' themselves in a phoney manner in order to attract relationships, you cant see the connection with you being disrespectful by being with a girl who has a BF.

In short, you dont seem to be in touch with reality and your attitude seems to be one of immaturity and an inability to relate to women on any other level beyond a quick sleazy score.

Your perceived 'honesty' is probably just anti social offensive behaviour (if your user name is anything to go by).

Karen_*

pisslips wrote: »

Wow and I thought I was being defensive. Did I offend someone?



It's not like i'm like this 24/7, usually I'm normal, do some work and have a chat but every few weeks I need a kind of mad escape and i get in some crazy situation.

This is definitely not a ''you're the man'' thread.

It's not even remotely pride-worthy.

Look, you're just a person like everyone else. You aren't fascinating at all and no one cares whether you ever settle down or get a girlfriend. You're clearly offending and annoying your mates so either stop or get new mates. And look up narcissism.

kevmy

pisslips wrote: »

I'm sorry maybe I just don't get it.

Is it not equally valid to say to her,

''consider his feelings, not just your vagina''

?!?!?!?!

How am I being selfish due to her having a boyfirend, surely she is the one who is cheating.


Maybe this is my problem, I never realised that men have more responsibility than women.

Apparently women don't actually want to share equal social rights and responsibility as men.

Of course in reality they do, so thats absolute bull****, thats why I treat women like adults even if sometimes they want to be treated like children.

Woah, that was very defensive but it seems right.

I do believe that there are strong independant intellegent confident witty women out there who will ruin me someday.......hopefully but I definitely have to make more of an effort.

If a girl wants to cheat on her bf then thats her problem.

Knowingly bedding a girl who has a bf is not cool at all. If a girl came onto me who I knew had a bf she would get the short shrift. Sure she's in the wrong but if you know her situation you are also in the wrong. No-one ever said otherwise.

Now it comes down to one thing really. Do you feel you have to change to get the girl you want to spend your life with?
Would you act differently around her than you do to people/women on a night out? If you would then you really have to change because chances are you won't meet that girl in your office or while talking to mates, you will probably meet her socially. First impressions are important because it's usually all people have to go on. If your out acting a tit then no girl in her right mind would go for you in a relationship sort of way.

pisslips

bluewolf wrote: »

e.g. the drunk driving? (assuming you're the same person)

grow up and cop on, there's a diff between "i'm being honest" and being incredibly arrogant and offensive and to be quite frank you're extremely immature.

At no stage was I rude to anyone.I mean at no stage did I even say that I liberally throw out harsh truths at people let alone imply that I'm rude or ignorant to people.

I just said I wouldn't be big on complementing others.

I appreciate all the help guys. Thanks.

pisslips

pisslips wrote: »

At no stage was I rude to anyone.I mean at no stage did I even say that I liberally throw out harsh truths at people let alone imply that I'm rude or ignorant to people.

I just said I wouldn't be big on complementing others.

The wonderful thing is, you don't need to explicitly say something before people pick it up in your attitude across several posts.

banana66

herya wrote: »

Honestly I can't see where your problem is. I guess the only issue is that you can't have your cake and eat it.

What si the point in having cake if you cant eat it ????????????????

banana66

banana66 wrote: »

What si the point in having cake if you cant eat it ????????????????

It means wanting to have the cake even after eating it

banana66

bluewolf wrote: »

It means wanting to have the cake even after eating it

My cynical comment obviously went whistling right over your silly head

Eric Cartman

i get where your coming from man, id be quite similar, i wont lash a compliment on a girl unless its actually true , but i can see where your friends are coming from , my friends have told me the same thing "youll never get a girlfriend if you sleep with everything" etc... and i can see their point, but it depends on what age you are, do you really want a girlfriend ?

and for the posters saying consider the girls feelings, if this man is like me (i suspect he is on some level) then its kind of their own fault, i have never lied or implied to a girl that things will go any further than a once off, so if there still up for it knowing that i dont see the problem.

also i would consider myself less self-obsessed than you, try and work on that maybee, your post is coming accross a bit harsh.

the only problems i see with your attitude is :

1) too self obsessed, tone that down a bit
2) birds with boyfriends - seriously, theres plenty of single ones...
3) sleazy - you can still get away with whoring without being sleazy about it.

also you dont need to hide it, but keep it appropriate, not everyone wants to hear about your sex life, but if someone asks no need to pretend it was anything more than it was, a 1 night stand with a randomer

Oryx

pisslips wrote: »

At no stage was I rude to anyone.I mean at no stage did I even say that I liberally throw out harsh truths at people let alone imply that I'm rude or ignorant to people.

I just said I wouldn't be big on complementing others.

I appreciate all the help guys. Thanks.

I dont know if your last sentence was done with a sarcastic sigh.

Your username is rude a lot of posters here, theyve said so in this thread. All it does to me is to immediately write you off as a probable 18yo guy who thinks with his dick. Thats a harsh truth, but somehow I think you can take it.

You may not have implied you were rude, but your posts say, clear as a bell, that you dont care about people. You care about yourself. End of.

I say rip it up, do whatever the hell you like. What will happen is your friends will not continue to put up with it, women will avoid you like the plague, and as the effects of that sink in, you may develop the emotional maturity required to actually date a girl properly. Until then, I think its quite good that you have no social filter, cos people see who you are upfront and can react accordingly.

I dont want to wish you lonely, I hope you sort yourself out in a way you can be happy with, after all your personality is yours, it cant be changed just like that. Your behaviour could, though. You need to learn to blunt your persona a bit and learn empathy for people. Sometimes the only way to learn it is to feel hurt yourself, that may be what it takes.

pisslips

bluewolf wrote: »

The wonderful thing is, you don't need to explicitly say something before people pick it up in your attitude across several posts.

I don't know either I truly am rude but manage to hide it well in real life or else I'm not rude but come across as such from posts, I'm pretty confident people don't see me as rude, nobody has ever said it explicitly or intimated it.

And I do think I respected peoples replies even when they weren't even slightly constructive.I'm not really sure where you found the rudeness.

I guess either way I wouldn't call it a ''wonderful thing''.

Wibbs

banana66 call someone silly around here and you'll be taking time off from this forum. Indeed take some time to read the charter of this forum. Thank you.

Oh The Humanity

At no stage was I rude to anyone.I mean at no stage did I even say that I liberally throw out harsh truths at people let alone imply that I'm rude or ignorant to people.

I do appreciate the first two comments though, I am self-obsessed to an unhealthy degree and I can be arrogant and rude, sometimes it just comes through but I try desperately not to be, it's just thats how I see myself, it comes through.

So which is it pi$$lips!?

I get the impression you chop and change your self image depending on your audience. To a lot of the more astute posters on here you're easy enough to read. You are quite transparent. You want to feel big and clever about scoring some bird with a fella......so in the guise of looking for advice you come on here showboating about it....but its boring not exiting/edgy and wild as you imagine.

Anyone could do it any day of the week, all day long....but really...whats the point...its like falling off a log.

So as Karen rightly said, no one cares....

You seem to be trying to cherry pick your own qualities/traits depending on who you believe is observing you. Your self image seems shifting and unstable.

Work on turning the self obsession into self awareness. Stop throwing bouquets at yourself. You aren't a wild, unpredictable, exiting rebel.

I think you are a bit of a mixed up youngfella. As Karen said look up narcissism.

pisslips

Well everyone is a little rude or arrogant sometimes, i was just accepting that yes i probably am rude sometimes, just like anyone else.

Fine I'm probably not rude, I was just trying to be open to the possibility.

The fact that you seem to find many conflicting facets of my personality is hardly surprising seeing as I'm a human being with the complicated and irrational behaviour of a human being who might not fit some comforting generalisation or character group you've assigned.

You seem to think that I'm attempting to mislead by cherry picking character traits. However, I would hardly have mentioned that I can be arrogant and rude as if it were some amiable quality, I would be praised for, particularly here on this forum.

It's clear that you've formed some kind of superficial judgement which offends you as if you enjoy being offended. You can say that actually no, you don't really care that much but on some level you have to, to intiate a response. I have to say it only highlights your lack of emotional experience, that you can't recognise yet your own bias which I don't pretend to know or judge but clearly there is one since you react so off-balance.

I came here looking for advise, for a problem I couldn't define but something which I thought would seem obvious to the outside world.
This is why I'm trying to not lead people in any defined direction, this is why i'm giving you conflicting information that seemed true at one time or another because I don't want to be the one who leads other people in the direction that I want to hear.

Now I know that i'm pretty happy with who I am and am very self-confident and thick-skined. But I know enough to realise that my world is diverging all the time from the mean reality of the rest and I know that at the end of the day human beings are animals that share the same practical and emotional needs. So it's apparent to me that keeping in touch is a no-brainer.

It might not appear obvious to you for example that while a lot of my strength as a person comes from my ability to be dettached, it's an awfull feeling when the emotion and contact your sensitivity craves is dangling in front of you like a carrot on a stick except your the one holding the stick.

And so occasionally it might surface as an awkward mess, a release.

Nevyn

So you keep yourself detached, and cos you have a thick skin think others will do and do not empathise with people making curt, witty remarks which do not go down well as they are upsetting to people.

You need to stop putting a wall between you and others and you need to learn to be more considerate and learn how to empathise. That is why you don't have a gf, you think you are just being you and people can love you, loath you or leave you be as they like but tbh it sounds like at times you are being a dick.

Just because something doesn't upset or offend you doesn't mean it's that way for everyone else or it's fodder for general conversation when out in public.

Time to grow up a little and have more consideration for others and understand they are differnt from you and learn how to be around them or find people you can be your bad brash bold self with from time to time as your release valve.

A person can be just being themselves and being honest and forthright but if they are upsetting others and offending them then they are still being a dick, trust me I know form having been that person and I can be that way from time to time.