Not an alco - Just bored???

Communicator

Hi There,

I recently put up a thread on another board about the fact that I'd been drinking a bottle of wine every nite for a long time now. It all seems very normal to me, just open the bottle as I'm preparing dinner, drink a glass with dinner and finish it off after that. I've known it's a problem for a long time, but of course, kept turning to the bottle and swearing I'd 'fix' the problem tomorrow.

Like some of you here, AA is not for me - not necessarily because of the religious regions - I have faith etc but a family member drove us all insane with boredom over the years about AA and so, I have a very negative image of them. That said, I'm aware they have worked wonders for many and I respect them for that.

Anyway, I've been (almost) off drink now for two weeks - yes I suffered cravings etc and got headaches and bad moods but I had a bottle this weekend and didn't feel the usual guilt I'd been feeling with previous drinking 'sessions'. I enjoyed the drink and put it down before the bottle was empty etc.

So I'm wondering if I'm not an alcoholic after all??? On my sober nights over the last two weeks, I have been incredibly (and I MEAN incredibly) bored! Just so bored & lonely and having no-one to listen to me etc (I've one child). Life is good generally, own home, good job, good relationship although he's not around much (work) and I discovered that the main reason I'd been turning to the bottle of wine, was because I was bored. Bored, bored bored. So I know that I need to fill the boredom with something. I've drank many, many cups of tea/coffee over the past few weeks, read many books etc etc - and yes, my life has improved dramatically. I think if I do go back to drinking, it'll be the boredom that drives me there. Any thoughts???

zero_nine

Maybe you're not an alco, but a bottle of wine a night equates to moderate-substantial problem drinking. If you take it an average wine containing 700 ml and vol 12% this is amounts to (700 x 12% X .78 x 7)/10 = 45.9 Irish units (standard drinks)per week. The health risk for this level of
drinking is:



Copied from: http://www.acar.net.au

Specifically for woman also there is a greatly increased risk of breast cancer associated with heavy drinking.

I didn't read your other post so I don't know if you were facing any other problems with your drinking. If you're short on motivation for an alcohol free life I'd read Allen Carr's book. Its great.

Thomas_S_Hunterson

You're drinking for the wrong reasons. It's risky.

Communicator

Thanks for replies.

Yes I'm drinking for the wrong reasons and I've stopped. And I got Allen Carrs book. Amazing. Has helped me enormously over the past few weeks. I'm even looking at advertisements for alcohol, competely differently - wouldn't have even noticed them before.

So I agree that the drinking had become a problem. But I couldn't get a definition for an 'alcoholic' anywhere. No one could tell me if I was or wasn't one. Apparently it was up to me to decide, which I find amazing tbh.

So I've concluded that the main reason I drink is boredom. So I'm now trying to fill my 'boring' evenings with something else....Ideas please???

Communicator

zeronine, I see the stats you put up are for 1993. I'd be interested to see the ones for 2009 - I can only imagine that they have increased dramatically!

zero_nine

"Restlessness is discontent and discontent is the first necessity of progress. Show me a thoroughly satisfied man and I will show you a failure."
Thomas A. Edison

Its good that you're bored in a way, it can be used as motivation for doing new things. I personally love the gym, more than anything else. I wouldn't know enough about you to suggest anything, you are your own best counsel in this regard. What do your friends do with their time?

Allen Carr's book is great. Promises a lot though- didn't exactly work for me but I still agree with the vast majority of what he says.

What other books did you get?

Communicator

I'm a huge fan of positive affirmations so I got some books on those - unfortuantely, as a (single) mum to one child, I don't get alot of time to get to the gym (don't have the inclination either if I'm honest!!).

Yes the book was great, and like you, whilst it hasn't 'cured' me (if that's the right expression to use), it has certainly helped.

I've been chanting to myself - I release the need for alcohol and Alcohol no longer fulfills my needs. Working so far!

ntlbell

Communicator wrote: »

Anyway, I've been (almost) off drink now for two weeks - yes I suffered cravings etc and got headaches and bad moods but I had a bottle this weekend and didn't feel the usual guilt I'd been feeling with previous drinking 'sessions'. I enjoyed the drink and put it down before the bottle was empty etc.

So I'm wondering if I'm not an alcoholic after all??? On my sober nights over the last two weeks, I have been incredibly (and I MEAN incredibly) bored! Just so bored & lonely and having no-one to listen to me etc (I've one child). Life is good generally, own home, good job, good relationship although he's not around much (work) and I discovered that the main reason I'd been turning to the bottle of wine, was because I was bored. Bored, bored bored. So I know that I need to fill the boredom with something. I've drank many, many cups of tea/coffee over the past few weeks, read many books etc etc - and yes, my life has improved dramatically. I think if I do go back to drinking, it'll be the boredom that drives me there. Any thoughts???

Looking back over the other thread I don't think you're an alcoholic but I think you were abusing alcohol there's a huge difference.

At least you now know why and you need to something filling the "void"

I'd firstly sit down with your husband and see is there any middle ground where he doesn't work as much one or two nights a week.

Have someone take the child a night or two a week and take up something.

be it going to gym

call around to a friend for a walk or a tea and a natter or a drive out to the coast or something.

maybe start a course that you can do at nights

it doesn't really matter what it is as long as you do something

I think your giving drink far too much importance and over thinking the whole thing drink is not a bad thing living a boring lonely life will do a hell of a lot more damage to you than drink so I'd make a list right away of things you can do and start making some phone calls and try and keep yourself as busy as possible not so you don't drink but so you have some sort of a meaningful life

Communicator

I have to agree with alot of what you said. And you hit the nail on the head - unfortunately, we are not in a position currently where my partner can work less, he has to work more. so more lonely evenings at home for me. My family, to say the least, are useless when it comes to support for me or my child. But that's a whole OTHER thread - or a book, that I shall write someday!

I DO realise that my lonliness stems back to childhood - I know WHY I have the problems (in my head) that I have, and now that I finally know WHY I feel lonely all the time for example, I need to fix it. It's my mothers fault of course!!!! Just kiddin there, but you get the gist - difficult mother-daughter relationship etc.

Anyway, getting out really isn't an option in the evenings at the moment...I think I might just start that book though! Thanks again for replies - much appreciated.

ntlbell

Communicator wrote: »

I have to agree with alot of what you said. And you hit the nail on the head - unfortunately, we are not in a position currently where my partner can work less, he has to work more. so more lonely evenings at home for me. My family, to say the least, are useless when it comes to support for me or my child. But that's a whole OTHER thread - or a book, that I shall write someday!

I DO realise that my lonliness stems back to childhood - I know WHY I have the problems (in my head) that I have, and now that I finally know WHY I feel lonely all the time for example, I need to fix it. It's my mothers fault of course!!!! Just kiddin there, but you get the gist - difficult mother-daughter relationship etc.

Anyway, getting out really isn't an option in the evenings at the moment...I think I might just start that book though! Thanks again for replies - much appreciated.

That's fine, but try not to say well i can't do x y and z just try and look at what you can do.

You can do open university for example at home.

have one night a week where you invite some mates home from work for dinner.

There's no doubt in my mind you're going to get a pain in your bottom with reading soon enough when the novelty where's off so it's really about planning for that and avoiding falling back into the trap.

just concentrate on what you can do and not what you can't

i'd have a serious chat with your husband

your health and mental state of mind and well being is more important than any money he will earn for you and your child and your family.

I know it sounds a bit melodramatic but as you know yourself only too well how an apparently small problem can escalate quickly into a very big one.

Communicator

Thanks again for advice...sometimes I think I come on here just so someone will listen to me...my partner (not my husband) is not my sons dad which is also why I describe myself as a single mother. Yes, he;s a father figure to my son, but he doesn't really take an active role in his life.

You're right about my health & well being, being more important than money. But try telling the mortgage company that! Flippant of me I know, but the reality is he has to work (for now) extra hours...

anyway, no drink last night - watched some good tv and did some colouring - going back to my childhood! Had forgotten how much I used to LOVE colouring as a kid!!! took out the little fella's colouring book - it was extremely theraputic! I'd highly recommend it!

af_thefragile

I say you're bored cuz you've got nothing else to do.
Drinking used to fill a gap in your life, now that you left it you've left a void.
And now you've gotta find other things to fill that void with!

TV now days is absolutely ****e. Sitting at home one can get extremely bored and lonely. Its reasonable and i think has little to do with your drinking. Hence no you're not an alcoholic, you've just got nothing to do in the evenings-night time.

So you need to look for things to do. Rediscovering old hobbies is an excellent way. You do like to color so why don't you go out some day, bring home a canvas and some paint and well, paint something cool. That should keep you occupied! And once you've finished with it, it's gonna be lot more satisfying than the bottle of wine!
You could also spend time with your kid. Go out on a drive. Or just play games and such.

There are a million things you can do to fill your time. Million productive things that can be very rewarding!


Also a very good thing i herd once was what you send out returns and comes back to you.
If you keep blaming external sources for the problems in your life, thats exactly what's gonna get back to you and soon those external sources will start to control your life. You'll feel powerless and your life will feel out of control.
Blaming your problems on the bottle of wine, your partner, your family, your mother etc. will get you nothing good.
The change happens when you step back and realise wait, the problem is not outside, its inside of me. Then you can take control of your life and send out love and happiness. Once you do that, thats what will start coming back to you. Its not just some positive thinking, it actually has its roots deep in physics. Everything just being energy vibrations on the most basic level and the vibes you send out resonate through others and come back to you. So if you're sending fearful or hate vibes out towards people, you'll get the same thing back from them and instead if you send out love vibes, you'll attract back more love vibes resonating though the people around you.

Dunno if you needed that last bit... =p