Would you give her/it a smack?

Dave147

Evening all,

Was in the pub Sunday evening last when the following situation arose, was playing chess with a good friend of mine, really enjoying the game and was winning, he's a very good player so was concentrating hard!

Anyway I noticed a group of girls had come in and sat nearby, not the most desirable, then another one girl came down with her pint of budweiser spilling it all over the place.. I recognised her from around the place and know for a fact she's a bit of a junkie, and a scumbag/skanger. She came down and immediately took interest in our game of chess, spilling her pint all over the place and trying to fiddle with the pieces and asking can she take over and trying to suggest moves..

I asked her nicely if she would mind leaving us be and sit with her friends, and she started to get stuck in me, calling me a "spastic" and a "hairy"?!?! I just looked at her and told her go away nicely again, to which she got aggressive and motioned to hit me, I budged slightly. Anyway barman came down and asked her to leave, but right before she left she threw a slap and hit me in the face. I got up and motioned to go for her, but I decided against actually smacking her one across the face, for one reason I own the bar we were in and don't want her knacker friends coming around and two, she's a girl?

So what would you here have done in my situation? I did shout at her a bit, but I drew the line there and felt it was my best move. Opinions please, the more humorous the better

gurramok

Check her out?

brummytom

While she's sleeping, leave a knight's head in her bed

DanGerMus

Was she hot?

TheInquisitor

Drop the hand! She clearly likes it rough

Dave147

brummytom wrote: »

While she's sleeping, leave a knight's head in her bed

Haha, got a good laugh off that, very good!

Check her out????

Karl Hungus

Find the most humiliating way to bar her from the pub.

Royale with Cheese

Dave147 wrote: »

So what would you here have done in my situation?

This.

Dave147

DanGerMus wrote: »

Was she hot?

Yeah very, I have a pic of her here..

seanybiker

Tough call.
The boss in a place I used to work caught a knacker stealing stuff one day. He caught her and brought her over to where his office was. Just before he opened the door to the office the little bitch spat in his face.
He gave her such a slap across the face, that her head went back and hit the wall behind her. I dont know how I didnt piss meself, there might actually have been a few drops. He was a legend of a boss.
Anyways. I think you been the owner, it was probably better that you didnt hit her.

Senna

Had this problem loads of times in pubs i worked in, its all about suttely, give her a kick in the shins or escort her out the door accidentally tripping her once she gets out. If you do it enough you can make it all look innocent.

Sam Vimes

does your bar have a sound proof basement?

Random

How does whether the person is male or female make a difference in terms of giving them a smack?

Just kick them out. Those people aren't worth the effort.

humberklog

Dave147 wrote: »

calling me a "spastic" and a "hairy"?!?!

Maybe she was being clever and you mis-heard her and she called you Spassky?
Never underestimate a skanger.

Mr.Lizard

She came down and immediately took interest in our game of chess, spilling her pint all over the place and trying to fiddle with the pieces and asking can she take over and trying to suggest moves..

That's not how it happened at all! Luckily I was there with a camera to video the whole thing ....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rA8YpHQHBd0

herbieflowers

chess in a pub? Madness.

Black Swan

Check(her)mate?

Do Wan

you should have thrown your deck of dungeon and dragon top trump cards off her.

chess in a pub, i mean honestly

markok84

Give her three sickly sweet doses of methadone a day instead of smack.

bobbly

did you get her phone number?

KeyLimePie

men can't hit women, it's just a fact of life

Local-womanizer

Whos pieces did she try to fiddle with,your mate or yours?

Local-womanizer

Random wrote: »

How does whether the person is male or female make a difference in terms of giving them a smack?

If a male was fiddling with my pieces I wouldent be best pleased.I would have a bit more paitence for a female though.

TheKnowledge

You should have offered to buy her a drink before she got aggressive. then put eye drops in it. she'd have to leave after ****ting herself!

seanybiker

KeyLimePie wrote: »

men can't hit women, it's just a fact of life

Yes they can. Their just not supposed to. Like women shouldnt hit men.

KeyLimePie

seanybiker wrote: »

Yes they can. Their just not supposed to. Like women shouldnt hit men.

Then just cause someone smacks you doesn't mean you gotta smack them back

andrew

Chess...in a pub?! You must've been having one crazy knight.

seanybiker

KeyLimePie wrote: »

Then just cause someone smacks you doesn't mean you gotta smack them back

Not all the time alright. If a fella hit me id smack him back no bother. Woman I would have to think about it.
Calling her fat might work better, normally hurts them more .

Dave147

Alright alright, enough with the knight puns! As for that video evidence, it's clearly a forgery as I moved c4 with white not e4.. But very good find all the same..

I should have poured her pint all over her, I would've gotten away with that

Ann22

What a scumbag!! Fair play to you for keeping your temper.

Mr.Lizard

andrew wrote: »

Should've punched her in the chesst.

For rooks sake.

Anyway that's enough pawns from me for now. Knight!

brummytom

I would give you some advice, but I'm only a rookie bishop,, I've got no experience with women

brummytom

Mr.Lizard wrote: »

For rooks sake.

Anyway that's enough pawns from me for now. Knight!

Damn

andrew

Mr.Lizard wrote: »

For rooks sake.

Anyway that's enough pawns from me for now. Knight!

...down with that sort of king.

Dave147

Lads, I was really bequeen a rook and a hard place :pac:

Ahah, I've out punned you all!

brummytom

Well we got pawned (I've never understood that word either)

Fizman

OP, you should have just followed my lead!

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=58121812#post58121812

brummytom

Dave147 wrote: »

Lads, I was really bequeen a rook and a hard place :pac:

Ahah, I've out punned you all!

Well my pawn's finished now,, so I guess I'll be rook-king off.

Good knight

Dave147

Fizman wrote: »

OP, you should have just followed my lead!

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=58121812#post58121812

Haha, you're a fcuking hero! If I was in *that* situation with my girlfriend and ANYBODY tried to lay a hand on her then I'm going to smack them right in the face, I got one slap off this tramp, anymore and I may have retaliated with more than words. Nice story, glad you got your hole :P

994

Do Wan wrote: »

you should have thrown your deck of dungeon and dragon top trump cards off her.

chess in a pub, i mean honestly

Maybe they like to imagine they're in a Parisian café.

KeyLimePie wrote: »

men can't hit women, it's just a fact of life

More like a fact of OPPRESSION!

Fizman

Dave147 wrote: »

Haha, you're a fcuking hero! ....Nice story, glad you got your hole :P

Thanks man.....thats how I role! :pac:

Dave147

994 wrote: »

Maybe they like to imagine they're in a Parisian café.


More like a fact of OPPRESSION!

Or maybe we like to engage our brains in more than the footy on the TV, we like to have battle on the chessboard and get an awful lot of satisfaction out of playing.. You should try it sometime, but don't get into a real fight during the game like me :P

Holsten

Yes, she hits me, I hit her.

Local-womanizer

Fizman wrote: »

OP, you should have just followed my lead!

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=58121812#post58121812

Thats positivly brilliant!

If they are willing to hit you,they should be willing a hit back.

I mean,wimmin fought long and hard for equal rights,I am doing my duty hitting them the sme I would hit a man:pac:

seanybiker

Fizman wrote: »

Thanks man.....thats how I role! :pac:

I bet superman wears Fizman pyjamas to bed. And if he doesnt he should.

nitrogen

We definitely need a thumbs down button.

Local-womanizer

nitrogen wrote: »

We definitely need a thumbs down button.

Turn your monitor upside down and click the thumbs up button:pac:

Quazzie

I'd hit anyone that slapped me male or female.



Quazzie is an equals opportunity assailant