Is being single that bad?

LegacyUser

Hi,

I've reached that point where all my mates are married with kids but I'm still in singlesville after a number of failed relationships. Sometimes I get the pi$s taken out of me as i'm the last one left single but that doesn't really bother me.

Thinking about my situation i've tried doing the pro's and con's of being single myself but i end up siding with different answers regularly. Being single i can do what i like, watch sports all weekend, go drinking, go away, leave the washing up to build up till it actually NEEDS to be done etc. But then sometimes i miss the companionship of having a girlfriend, someone that relies on you, needs you there for them and of course, the sex.

At age 30 ( with a kid 7 from previous relationship), how long do i have until i reach the stage of, man look at you, your ** and your still single!!! And is being single actually that bad???

star-pants

Seeing single as being bad is only if that's how you feel.

If you're currently very happy in your lifestyle/yourself then no single isn't bad.

But it's also not bad to want companionship either. No point forcing it though, if you want it in time, you'll get it.
Personally I want to have a companion to grow old/not grow old with. That's just me, I'd like to share things with someone close. But not everyone needs/feels that. Some are just as secure in their single lives.

easyeason3

No single isn't that bad once it's what makes you happy. By what you have written I don't know whether you like it or not but I'm a firm believer that you shouldn't live your life by what others have or don't have.
If you meet someone & it works out then once you're happy & she's happy then it's happy days.
Just don't settle for second best or end up in a relationship because you think you should be in one.
Let it happen naturally.

brendanuk

I dont think its that bad. Live your own life and judge it by your own standards.
Wouldnt go out and grab someone off street just to be in a couple

LegacyUser

easyeason3 wrote: »

Just don't settle for second best

I have done this a couple of times and as soon as i get to the point of "its a relationship" i instantly look to get out and kick myself for getting into that situation again.

Also my last G/f was an ideal match, good looking, a lot of the same likes but very jealous. In the end i couldn't make that work and i ask myself. If i cant make it work with someone that you could deem perfect for each other, whats the chances that i'm going to get struck by lightning twice and meet some as well matched again??? Will I just end up settling for someone to be with someone??


Thanks for the replies.

star-pants

unreg op wrote: »

as soon as i get to the point of "its a relationship" i instantly look to get out and kick myself for getting into that situation again.

Why do you sabotage a good relationship? Why do you kick yourself for 'getting into that situation again' ?

LegacyUser

unreg op wrote: »

( Just don't settle for second best) I have done this a couple of times and as soon as i get to the point of "its a relationship" i instantly look to get out and kick myself for getting into that situation again.
Thanks for the replies.

I end up getting with someone for the sake of it or because its convenient, not because of reasons like i'm head over heels about the girl. And i kick myself because I know i shouldnt be doing that.

star-pants

op here wrote: »

I end up getting with someone for the sake of it or because its convenient, not because of reasons like i'm head over heels about the girl. And i kick myself because I know i shouldnt be doing that.

Well, unfortunately only you can change that -- don't just go for someone cuz they're there. Wait until you find someone you like, who you connect with, and you might experience better then.

MagicMarker

I love being single, it's just so much less hassle, and cheaper!!

Of course there a pro & cons to everything, but to me the pros of being single far out weigh the cons. I can't see myself wanting another relationship for the foreseeable future.

silvine

No it's not.

And I'm in a five year relationship.

Lobelia Overhill

I'm in my 40s and "still" single. I'm happy enough, I know loads of people who got married and had kids before they were 30 and are regretting it now, I've travelled various places around the world and can please myself as to what I watch on TV, when and what I eat for dinner and all that sort of thing.

metaoblivia

You know, OP, I think it depends on the person and how they look at it. If you're happy with your life, then that's all that really matters, whether your single, married or somewhere in between. There are so many ways to live a rewarding life. Don't let society trick you into thinking there's just one.

Munster_Gal

It's not that bad being single. Although 4 weeks ago I would have said it was.
I've gone from having to consider my ex and his 4 year old son in all my decision making to being able to do what ever the hell I want
If a relationshiop feels right and you're in it for the right reasons then brill but if not.......
Don't be stressing over it. What's for you won't go past you

crackity_jones

To answer your simple question with a very simple answer: No; being single is not that bad.

For many it's the only life for them and they lead excellent and fulfilling lives.

I'm in a similar situation to yourself in that I'm in my early 30s and single. Most of my friends and siblings are married and having kids. I have on occasion wondered if I should be making more of an effort to meet someone and settle down with them but this is probably a reaction to people querying why I'm still single at my age. I'm happy as I am and I don't see that changing anytime soon.

An ex-girlfriend of mine once told me that if she was still unmarried at 30 she would consider herself well and truly "on the shelf". This really took me aback as she was someone with lots going for her and not someone who struggled to meet people. Perhaps there's a mindset in this country that you are a little odd if you're still footloose and fancy free past 30. Hardly a thought confined solely to these shores. On the other hand American relations of mine tell me that being single at that age is nothing at all to get worked up about. They're prepared to wait as long as need be to meet someone. The age they do that at being irrelevant.

I'm in my 40s and "still" single. I'm happy enough, I know loads of people who got married and had kids before they were 30 and are regretting it now, I've travelled various places around the world and can please myself as to what I watch on TV, when and what I eat for dinner and all that sort of thing.

There's a real element of truth in this. While my friends would never openly admit that they regret getting married they often express envy and a little jealousy at the freedom the single people in the group have. Believe me, there will come a time in your life when you'll look back on your single years with more than a little nostalgia. I'm not disparaging marriage in any way; it's a truly great thing to meet someone you like and settle down with them and spend the rest of your lives together but for now make the most of this time and do those things people in relationships rarely find the time to do.

And as easyeason3 advises, never settle for second best. Getting into a relationship simply because you think it's the right thing to do is potentially a one way trip to hell. I know, I've been there.

NewFrockTuesday

On the other hand American relations of mine tell me that being single at that age is nothing at all to get worked up about. They're prepared to wait as long as need be to meet someone. The age they do that at being irrelevant.

Ive found this too. Theyre alot more chilled out about he whole thing...but then again they dont have the Irish Mammy demanding 10 grandkids. Its almost a dereliction of duty here if youre not married and sprogging by 30. The only pressure I have ever felt in being single has come from family.

I think there are up days and there are down days. Some days Im delighted to be leading the life I am and then others i walk in the door to silence and I think it would be great to tell some one about something I saw or heard. Just sharing over the dinner table stuff I suppose. The little things you get so used to that seem to be the things you miss most when alone.

Having said that, self indulgence after years of sacrafice is just friggin marvellous!

And as with everything, lonliness passes and the sun shines again. Dont worry about the future. it will take care of itself.

kdave

Being single especially after 30's is not a bad thing at all.It shows that you are not bogged down or you refuse to be encapsulated in what that state tries to portray as the social norm.
'unplugging' yourself from the 'system' of relationship pressure is a vital and essential trait in individual development.Look at Plato's allegory of the cave,even at the Matrix films in which plato's allegory serves in some ways as a blueprint, and you can see parrallels with them and societal pressure put on individuals to follow on what society see's as the social norm, and the freedoms and power an individual achieves when they break their chains.

AnonoBoy

Isn't it better to be on your own and happy than to be going through the motions in a relationship just because you feel like you should be?

LegacyUser

Im 27 and in a kinda similar situation, albeit a bit younger but still. Sorry to be negative but I think its kinda bad. I havent got out with someone in years, and am the only one of my friends left single. I am starting to feel it at the weekends, just little things like all your friends just chilling in with their girlfriends etc.
Not to mention it isnt nice having no one to confide in really, or no one to take care. Sex to me is a novelty when I manage to pull at the weekend or whatever. To all my friends its just another part of their life.
There is also just the simple feeling of being with someone you are crazy about that you miss out on.


I know all this is very negative, because in fairness there is positives to being single, not to mention, I have one mate who seems unhappy in his relationship, always moaning about it, but has now moved in with her so its hard to say. He often did say he envys me and he genuinely seems to mean it when he says it.

Silverfish

This thread is a year old at this stage, so I'll close it.

kdave, don't drag up old threads please.