Erectile Dysfunction - first time ruined

LegacyUser

Ive been going out with my girlfriend for some months and I love her very much. We're both 18 years old. Recently we decided we were both ready to go all the way (both being virgins), and last night was D-day. However, when the moment came, when we were both naked on her bed I noticed my erection had gone down. I stayed calm and continued with some foreplay. Once it was finally back up I put the condom on but found I was losing the erection again.

Obviously, this was very upsetting, leaving me feeling very embarrassed. Holding back the tears I eventually told her I didnt think Id be able to do it. Thankfully we love each other very much, and she told me she loved me and that it was ok, that she was nervous too. I had to take the condom off and get dressed again feeling pretty ashamed and embarrassed. I feel I ruined what should have been a really special expression of love.

Im feeling pretty down at the moment, and feeling like a pretty useless boyfriend who cant even make love to his girlfriend despite the fact that even thinking about her would usually get me aroused. Despite being nervous about my first time I didnt expect this to happen to me especially when my first time was going to be with someone im completely comfortable with and love.

She said at least we tried and that next time would be better. However Im not sure I even want to try again, I feel Ive lost enough dignity the first time. And whats to stop it from happening again?

Otis Driftwood

Performance anxiety dude.Ye have been together for quite a while and are both virgins so obviously this is something ye have been building towards for a while.The nerves got to you,thats all.You are able to get it up so thats not the problem.You just need to try and relax more.Next time maybe share a bottle of wine together(dont get soused!) before heading to bed.And count yourself lucky to have such a great and understanding GF too!

LegacyUser

The EXACT same thing happened me mate. And since then I have discovered it is quite a common problem.

Ned the Shed is correct. This is pure and simple performance anxity.

1) Don't worry about it. If you can get an erection on your own there is nothing medically wrong with you, you just have nerves
2) As you and your lady become more comfortable and confident around each other, this will pass.
3) In your head this is the be all and end all of everything and it's all Oh my GOD what will I DO!!?? Relax. You are lucky enough have a nice girl who understands. She's nervous too! Imagine an older lass who's been round the block asking you what the hell is up with you!!

My advise to you is to avoid tents/ back of cars/ alleyways for sex until you become a bit more experienced. You need lots of time alone with her and no pressure. Give her a backrub, have a shower together, or just lie there and hold her and chat.

And it will happen

LegacyUser

Me again, just noticed you say 'first time ruined' in your title. Well most of the old hands on here will tell you that the first time is RARELY the best time, and for most people it is a fast, rough, fumbling anti climatic moment that leaves you wondering what the bloody hell all the fuss was about.

But you can look forward to it getting better and better


just enjoy your time together and quit yer worryin'!

LegacyUser

Girls perspective!! DO NOT WORRY!! it happens!! it happened to the guy my first time! it is just performance anxiety ye should just stay playing around and when yer not really really nervous about being naked with each other it will happen.... just have some fun dont be pressuring yourself it will happen... its a natural thing!! you'l be fine!!

zero_nine

Happened to me too. And two of my friends. Happens to nearly everyone the first time, especially if they're in a loving relationship and the stakes are high. You'll get over it. But other than that, it is something that you can get over on your own. Condoms can be a problem, because they ruin the flow. Consider other contraception in addition. Maybe ask her to put the condom on for you, that I heard helps. Stay in tune with her body.

Talk to your doctor if you lose hope completely, because he has stuff that has a guarenteed success rate.

Also, don't worry about ruining the first time. First time is at best average anyway, as noone can relax. Ignore movies that imply otherwise.

prinz

At least you'll always remember it. Probably look back in years to come and get a bit of a giggle out of it. A lot of us were drunk and don't have a clue how it went good, bad or indifferent...

Nervous Wreck

Give yourself more of a chance as well. Nothing ruins the mood quite as well as fumbling around with a condom and trying to get it on. Most men go half-limp in the interim anyway, as we have exceptionally low levels of concentration.

Your gf sounds AMAZING. You're very lucky and, by the sounds of things, so is she. Relax, have fun, work together. As prinz said above, many people don't get the chance to do it right the first time; count yourself lucky that you're gonna have TWO stories about your first time!

CaptainSkidmark

happens all the time mate, and the oul pre-mature ejaculation which happens a lot also.

you could be drunk and either nothing will work or its over too soon or so on.

its very common.

personally i like to have a drink or too before i do it unless its someone im very comfortable with

Taltos

Yup - just relax.
This is probably one of those things that happens to the majority out there - know from exp.

Great advice above, esp around getting her to help you put on the condom .
Worst thing you can do is worry about this - that will just set your head in a spin. Hopefully knowing that this is a really common exp will help.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replys guys and gals, they've really helped!

I dont feel embarresed about it anymore, knowing thats its quite common. We've discussed it now which has really helped. Anyway we've decided to wait another month or two till the summer holidays (after exams etc) and give it a try again, without worring too much about lasting a certin lenght of time, preforming well etc.

I think we just need to spend a little more time naked together and get more comfortable in that vunerable state. A lot of the nerves from the first time came from being naked in front of the other for the first time, and I suppose worries about what the other will think about their body etc etc

If the same problem arises again Im not going to get upset by it, just continue enjoying ourselves without going the whole way. No biggy, it'll happen when the time is right!

Anyway thanks again

LegacyUser

im an 18 year old guy and the same thing happened to me on my first time with a girl. it sucked i thought something was wrong with me i have never been more embarrassed. i researched it and thought the only way out was viagra but after reading this i feel a bit more confident. un lucky for me, i dont have a great girlfriend like you, but there is a girl and i can tell that the situation is going to arise in the near future. she cant keep her hands off me! anyways, so is getting comfortable the most important thing? i geuss i haven't spent alot of time completely nude with a girl and i feel the same thing is going to happen again. ive gotten over the depressed part of a failed erection, ive accepted that it happened and i know i can get through it with this girl i just need more assurance