How to rid the country of swampdonkeys and end the recession!

RonMexico

So I was implementing my own financial bailout plan last night by getting plastered in a few of my favourite bars when I came up with a truly genius plan. There I was, knocking back a double rum & vodka when an utter munter strolled in the door. It took my pickled head a while to process the sheer magnitude of its hideousness - shiny gold rags shrinkwrapped around a body that resembled a sack of spuds and a face caked in orange putty. I recoiled in horror as she heaved herself onto the seat next to me while she ordered a drink. Kicked wagons have to pay for their own obviously. Then I had to listen to the cow wheezing to the barman about some bollocks so I shuffled over to the corner to kill myself in peace.

Safe from the monster but unable to relax I had no choice but to plot the downfall of the unnatural creature and her ilk. Regardless of the booze the solution hit me in a moment of total clarity - followers of the Cosmic Jewish Zombie and other fans of storytelling might call it divine intervention or some bollocks like that. Anyway what we need to do is contact the Japs and tell them that Ireland is withdrawing from the international treaty banning the hunting and killing of whales for their blubber. Then boatloads of the crazy bastards can come over here on the condition that whales can only be hunted on land. They will need a little help to uncover the natural habitat of these strange walking whales so I will offer to provide intelligence on their whereabouts - places like the fat section at the back of Penneys and Pick N Mix stalls. I will also warn them that the leader of these whales is of such ginormous girth and magnitude that they will need a special harpoon to snag her. Thankfully Mary Harney is predictable in her limited movements so once they overcome their fear the sneaky Japs will take her no bother.

All that remains is to convert Dell in Limerick into a blubber processing plant and we can sell the produce worldwide for massively inflated prices. The Chinese will soon take notice and then we can move into a broader market with Dog meat, lots of that here too once you have the whales taken care of but skinny dogs will require a bigger hunting force.

To be part of this business plan please contact my Nigerian banker - Dr. Ode Buntu and we can discuss the buying of shares in this lucrative venture.

Diabhal Beag

No,that probably,Sorry, definetley wouldn't work.

Gauge

So edgy.

Saibh

Won't work, are you trying to replace Armin as AH storyteller?

RonMexico

Naysayers are the enemy - first on the list of targets. You are making this too easy :pac:

Horsefumbler

RonMexico wrote: »

So I was implementing my own financial bailout plan last night by getting plastered in a few of my favourite bars...

You're so awesome

asdasd

I don't know whether it is cool to like this guy, or not.

Is it mere fattist misogyny, or right-on ( yet out there) possibly ironic humour, and cool with the kids? I can't tell.

so I am withholding my Thanks, for now.

asdasd

asdasd wrote: »

Is it mere fattist misogyny

He didnt limit the whale killing to women only.

RonMexico

Would that be a fat orangey thumbs up by any chance? Also don't fall into the trap of believing that I am picking on the wimminz, I hate everyone equally but a diabolical schemer has to start somewhere on the road to glorious tyranny. I had to pick the big targets first. Like every villainous bastard I will reveal the rest of my plans in full soon. I need to acquire a fortified island base first though. The japs have some nice ones so hopefully I can bribe them with some choice blubber. Untanned hide is a rarity they treasure but I have yet to spot this mythical beast wobbling the streets...but when I do by god I'll be ready.

PS: Wimminz first I'm afraid we can't bump off Bubba Cowan and Lardass Lenihan just yet. I need them to guide our economy down the ****ter so that my wicked plan will gain widespread support.

phasers

tl;dr

I got as far as 'swampdonkeys'

RonMexico

Another fatty...laziness is a dead give-away. Your fcuked now.

Saibh

RonMexico wrote: »

Would that be a fat orangey thumbs up by any chance? Also don't fall into the trap of believing that I am picking on the wimminz, I hate everyone equally but a diabolical schemer has to start somewhere on the road to glorious tyranny. I had to pick the big targets first. Like every villainous bastard I will reveal the rest of my plans in full soon. I need to acquire a fortified island base first though. The japs have some nice ones so hopefully I can bribe them with some choice blubber. Untanned hide is a rarity they treasure but I have yet to spot this mythical beast wobbling the streets...but when I do by god I'll be ready.

PS: Wimminz first I'm afraid we can't bump off Bubba Cowan and Lardass Lenihan just yet. I need them to guide our economy down the ****ter so that my wicked plan will gain widespread support.

What kind of rum do you drink, just what to make sure I don't order any.

RonMexico

Rum with a vodka mixer. Clarity of mind guaranteed. Genius plans of tyranny are not.

thelordofcheese

RonMexico wrote: »

There I was, knocking back a double rum & vodka when an utter munter strolled in the door.

You need to learn the difference between a door and a mirror.

DemocAnarchis

thelordofcheese wrote: »

You need to learn the difference between a door and a mirror.

Oh snap!

RonMexico

thelordofcheese wrote: »

You need to learn the difference between a door and a mirror.

Bitter much :pac: You wouldn't be if you could distinguish between Full Fat, Low Fat and Fat Free.

dr.bollocko

RonMexico wrote: »

Bitter much :pac: You wouldn't be if you could distinguish between Full Fat, Low Fat and Fat Free.

I see your gambit. All who oppose you become the hunted. I'm not buying into this.

RonMexico

Damn you Dr. Bollocko, damn you to hell for rumbling my plan. :pac:

Can failed villains claim the dole

I need a drink.