What sort of mother would I make?!

NewJob

Hi all,

I'm 29 and getting married later this year. It has always been assumed that we're going to have children, I *love* babies, and do feel broody when I see my friends having kids of their own. My fiance also would love children, and we're thinking about trying next year. I'd be terrified of leaving it too late and not being able to have any.

Anyway, in complete contrast to the above, I'm really not sure if I can see myself coping with children. I'm not very patient, and very intolerant of other peoples kids misbehaving. When I see kids throwing tantrums on the tv or in the supermarket, I can't even watch because it makes me angry and upset watching them. It's horrible!!! I could go as far as saying I don't even like children that much!! :eek: And I just don't know if these feelings are going to go away if/when I have kids of my own. I can hardly expect to turn into a different person after having kids can I? Should I just leave the babymaking until I'm older ... or consider not having any at all?

If anyone was in the same position as me and had kids in the end, please share your thoughts! I'd love some reassurance or some insight ... is it normal to want a baby but not really want a child?

Thanks in advance

dudara

I'm not a mother, but I'd imagine that your feelings are perfectly normal. The prospect of taking care of a new life would scare the hell out of anyone. Yet people manage.

A lot of the posters here are mothers, and I know we have some recent mothers. I'm sure that they'll be along in a while to give you their viewpoint.

upmeath

I have no children of my own but I share your sentiments when I see other peoples' kids throwing tantrums. I think the reason it makes me cringe is because I see it as bad parenting, the kids are being brought up to be loud, reckless, uncontrollable and selfish.
My thoughts are that my own kids will be raised to be mannerly, polite and will enjoy and appreciate life. Now I know some people are probably thinking "How is he going to do that, is he going to beat the living 5hit out of them?". The answer is no, some of you may think it's impossible to raise children tantrum-free but you're the parents who stop your kids from crying by feeding them. :rolleyes:
My parents and my aunts and uncles have raised all their kids (with one notable exception) to be successful, fun-loving, happy, outgoing people who are polite and mannerly, without so much as laying a hand on them. You need to assert control over your children from a young age, not give in to them too much, encourage them to succeed and love them.

Ann22

It's people who don't think about whether they'd make good parents before they have them who are more inclined to make the worst ones. I have two sons,I just love them so much, I thank God every day for them. They're good lads I could always tell them not to do something and trust that they wouldn't. I was never mad keen on children before I had my own, especially the bold ones-though I was only 20 when I had my eldest....I'd have preferred dogs:o. I find bold children very annoying- especially being cheeky and answering their parents back! :mad: I also hate to see parents being rough and abusive with their children, you see that all the time on buses etc...very upsetting.

Latchy

Some people have very low tolerence levels when it comes to babys and children and the least litte thing can annoy .
I think once baby comes along the natural mothering instincts kick into gear and come into play .As to how good or bad a mother you will be ,that depends on how much of yourself you can give to the child and while some baby chores can seem like a total nuisence to one mother ,are a complete joy to another .

AnnieB82

Hi there, I think I am pretty similar to you in that I can often lack patience and tolerance. I have a 9 month old and do love babies. Bratty kids annoy everyone - me included and I do sometimes think oh God what if mine turns out like that. I wont lie, it was/is very tough and there have been lots of tears ( from my side) and the odd bout of impatience/feeling I can't cope. I think most mothers who say they never had this would not entirely be speaking the truth. I'm pretty sure my son knows he's loved and I am consistent most of the time - which I hope is enough. I think it's only human to snap (by which I mean a curse or maybe just feeling very annoyed and leaving the room for a few mins.) sometimes. It will probably happen to you too, but it wont make you a bad mother. I have actually started to accept this about myself lately and I just work reducing the times when I need to leave the room for a minute. We'll see what happens when he hits the terrible 2's and can answer back though

martdalto

The fact that you're even thinking how you'd cope with it means that you are already on the way to making a good mother!

I'm a mother to 3 small (fairly well behaved!) children. And I am MUCH more tolerant of my own children than other peoples!!

Birdie086

I have a son who is almost. I am not a bit marternal, I have little patience but somehow I am managing to raise a fairly well behaved little boy on my own. Its been tough, had a kind of postnatal depression for the six months, but it is worth every bit it, even if it doesnt always feel that way. As others have mentioned the very fact that you worry about a good parent shows you care. You are also right not leave it too late, my aunt was 37 having her first and 41 having her second and was sorry she didnt start earlier cos she wanted more!

Beruthiel

NewJob wrote: »

I'm not very patient, and very intolerant of other peoples kids misbehaving. When I see kids throwing tantrums on the tv or in the supermarket, I can't even watch because it makes me angry and upset watching them.

Don't sweat it.
I also have no time for other peoples kids. I'm not very maternal.
However, Mother Nature makes sure that you think the sun shines out of your own kid's ass so that they survive. My one is still alive and I think I did a pretty good job at it.
You will be grand.

KittyeeTrix

Hi OP,
I was never that much enthralled by kids and I would never babysit as a teenager, I just really didn't care for all the goo-goo, gaa-gaa around babies.
Well here I am at the age of 34 with 4 of my own little "darlings"...
I wouldn't change it for the world. They range in ages from 7 to 15 and are all mannerly and very respective of me and their dad.
My 15 year old would have a little moody session every now and again but that would be the worst of it.
They all knew their boundaries whilst growing up and we avoided the temper tantrums because they learned from a very young age that they would not be listened to. I don't mean they didn't have tantrums, of course they did, but they grew out of them quickly..
My sister who was nuts about kids had a child who was so bold he broke her heart, she didn't know what was happening.
The problem with her was that it would upset her if the child was upset and so she gave into his every demand.
Disciplining my children never caused me any problems as I knew it had to be done for them to develop into the decent thoughtful kids they are now.

So to answer your question, I have no doubt that you will make a great mother.

LegacyUser

martdalto wrote: »

The fact that you're even thinking how you'd cope with it means that you are already on the way to making a good mother!

I'm a mother to 3 small (fairly well behaved!) children. And I am MUCH more tolerant of my own children than other peoples!!

i have to agree i have 2 small boys and i am the same

Oh The Humanity

upmeath wrote: »

I have no children of my own but I share your sentiments when I see other peoples' kids throwing tantrums. I think the reason it makes me cringe is because I see it as bad parenting, the kids are being brought up to be loud, reckless, uncontrollable and selfish.
My thoughts are that my own kids will be raised to be mannerly, polite and will enjoy and appreciate life. Now I know some people are probably thinking "How is he going to do that, is he going to beat the living 5hit out of them?". The answer is no, some of you may think it's impossible to raise children tantrum-free but you're the parents who stop your kids from crying by feeding them. :rolleyes:
My parents and my aunts and uncles have raised all their kids (with one notable exception) to be successful, fun-loving, happy, outgoing people who are polite and mannerly, without so much as laying a hand on them. You need to assert control over your children from a young age, not give in to them too much, encourage them to succeed and love them.

Read this recently and laughed:
Find a couple who are already parents and berate them about their methods of discipline, lack of patience, appallingly low tolerance levels and how they have allowed their children to run wild. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's sleeping habits, toilet training, table manners and overall behavior.

Enjoy it. It will be the last time in your life that you will have all the answers.