Meeting ex first time since he called a break

LegacyUser

Hi there, im just looking for some advice. I've been with my bf for over two years he called a break last week due to alot of reasons...............mainly cause he wanted to be single for a while. We have been talking since but, his mind seems to be made up. But, we had arranged to meet up tomorrow. In my heart, im hoping he'll see me and realise he's making a big mistake I know i may be deluding myself but i cant cope thinking that its over.
Basically, i want to know how i should approach tomoro, how should i act? In my head tomorrow could be make or break for us and i just dont wanna mess it up.
Any advice would be great.............thank u so much for reading

That_Guy

I'm sorry but a break generally means the relationship is over.

If as you say your bf wants to be single for a while then he's inevitably going to take a liking towards single life and then break up with you. I'm sorry. This is just from past experience.

It's not fair to be dragged along like this hoping against hope that he'll eventually get back with you. It doesn't always work out like that.

I'm just drawing from experience here and I hope I'm wrong. Best of luck.

MissyN

Don't drive yourself crazy putting pressure on yourself thinking that tomorrow could break or make the two of you. You do have to try to be strong though and expect the worst but if you get upset in front of him don't beat yourself up about it. Its still very very early days so you should just be yourself. If you feel strong enough to ask him can you try again then do that. Do you think you'll keep in touch if you don't get back together?

My bf broke up with me 4 weeks ago and I couldn't cope but we're keeping in touch and that has helped me. I know exactly how you feel now but you will feel better and stronger as the days go by. I swear you will but its gonna be bloody tough. maybe try to relax a bit tomorrow but expect it to be uncomfortable cos things are different now yenno.

Let us know how you get on. Best of luck. It takes time but try to keep positive sweetheart

PM me if you want to discuss more, I know what you're going through.

caeter

my heart goes out to you because the same thing happened to me a few months ago. then he asked me to get back with him only to break it off for good a few weeks later.

if he asked to meet with me now id hope id say no. was so heartbroken for months only really getting back to myself now so id be afraid id go back to square one. doesnt help that we are still in contact weekly even though its nearly 6 months since ive seen him.

if i were you id go because its still so fresh (sounds shallow but look great-dont over do it though if ya get me!) you sound like a lovely girl and its not fair he is doing this to you. i would advise though if you do end up breaking up try not to have contact with him for a while. this will only get your hopes up that you will get back together which is exactly what happened and is still happening to me. im hoping hel realise that he does want me but i think he would have realised that by now so i just have to cop on and deal with it!
maybe check the hidden signs n ask him to be honest with you why he wants to have a break (dont take the cliche its not you its me or what i got "im not worthy of you" crap)- could be a number of things is he depressed, maybe just see's you as a friend, commitment phob etc. depends on how old he is too.. 2 years is a lot to throw away (but its better than 10 years and then he calls it) but on the other hand maybe it is better to end things than to be on constant edge that he might do this to you again. or a suggestion to him would be neither of you contact eachother for about 2 weeks to take time out to think of things.

dont let him have all the power and call the shots. thats something ive learned for my next relationship.

best of luck and i hope it works out for you.

LegacyUser

OP here, Thanks guys for your replies..............been stressing bout it all day. Im so sorry you guys had to go through this heartbreak my heart does go out to ye. But, i must say you both sound incredibly strong something im not at the minute. I have built up tomorrow so much in my head that havent eaten all day i have butterflies in my stomach and everything.
Caeter......yes i have my outfit and everything picked.....dont want something like tat letting me down Caeter do you mind me asking why u and ur bf spilt up?

Missy N thanks for the support means alot.........do u mind me askin you if you still hold out hope of getting back with ur bf? Did ye go on a break before the breakup??

MissyN

OP Unregistered wrote: »

Missy N thanks for the support means alot.........do u mind me askin you if you still hold out hope of getting back with ur bf? Did ye go on a break before the breakup??

You will get stronger, even this time next week you'll feel a bit stronger. Its surprising how resilient you can be but I'm in bits at times too, don't get me wrong. Its hour to hour up and down with the moods.

At the moment I'm just hopeful that we can spend time together cos we have been great friends for years (we've been in touch everyday for the last 2 weeks but very very little for the first 2 weeks) and I need that contact with him and he says he needs it too. I can't allow myself to think beyond that. We didn't go on a break beforehand. Things were great, he said I love you everyday as always and then we had a small row and he told me he didn't feel the same way about me. The pain was extraordinary. I'll never forget it. I lost 10lbs in about 5 days and i'm slim so you can imagine how in bits I was. Awful.

Keep us posted !! And yes defo look pretty !!!

caeter

i dont mind at all, to be honest i have no idea why he called it to this day, i thought we were meant for eachother.. the one reason he gave dat stuck out for me was that he suffered from/ or says suffered from depression but i dont know if he did (id like to think he didnt coz its an awful illness) or he just went off me like the novelty wore off for him (he went through phases of liking different things, i think i mite have been one of those phases but just over-ran its course) i got that too i just want to be single. i dont think i was ever as lied to as much in a 20 minute space! so make him tell you the truth dont except that i want to be single lark.. you can PM me for more if you like for more.
we were great pals and i really miss that side. like MissyN said there is no way to describe the pain, extraordinary is the word. i had no appetite either, i went from 10 to 9 stone in about 3 weeks (my manager even called me into her office to see if i was eating) and basically felt like i was going mad or i was bi-polar the mood swings i was having. actually only last night i was texting a friend who went through the same thing a few years back and she said its way normal dont think your going crazy youl have up and down days (and hours). its the same as a death in a way.. im not glad MissyN wrote that its really hour to hour the moods coz it feels awful but seeing thats how other people react makes it feel like im not going mad either! i went out with one fella since well just on a date but it did not feel right was only a month after the split, but i was so cold to him polite but real stand-offish so needless to say i didnt hear from him again!! but glad i went boosted the self esteem a bit. if was now i went i reckon id be different but the split was still so fresh (i even started crying on way home from the date :rolleyes:).. time is a healer though, i remember feeling exactly the same way i do now over a fella i was with years ago and i wouldnt even look at him now. its just crap that times the healer though!

but you never know you might be fine, when i suggested meeting up after a few days he said no straight out so he had his mind made up. best of luck to ya, let me know how it goes (dont mean this to sound like a cliche but if he has any cop on at all he wont let ya go- the novelty of him being single for a while will wear off- be prepared to get drunken texts/phone calls off him begging for you back also). also he may have jealous friends that have talked or brainwashed him into it if they dont have partners. fellas can be worse than girls for jealousy. will be thinking of ya best of luck

thegame

im meeting my ex next sat we broke up 7 weeks ago but im not getting my hopes up,i just want to see how she is getting on and see if we can be friends as we were very close and were best friends as well.

im just going to play it cool and not mention anything about the relationship unless she brings it up.

best of luck op

Gyalist

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi there, im just looking for some advice. I've been with my bf for over two years he called a break last week due to alot of reasons...............mainly cause he wanted to be single for a while. We have been talking since but, his mind seems to be made up. But, we had arranged to meet up tomorrow. In my heart, im hoping he'll see me and realise he's making a big mistake I know i may be deluding myself but i cant cope thinking that its over.
Basically, i want to know how i should approach tomoro, how should i act? In my head tomorrow could be make or break for us and i just dont wanna mess it up.
Any advice would be great.............thank u so much for reading

While I hope that it goes well for you, I fear that you are teaching your boyfriend to treat you poorly. He is trying to both have his cake and eat it and you are actively facilitating him.

A break is the coward's way of breaking up. He told you he wanted a break to experience single life and yet you have been in constant contact with him and even organising to meet. The message that you are communicating to him is that it doesn't matter how poorly he behaves, you will always be his loyal poodle.

Salome

Who initiated the meeting? I'm guessing that it was the OP herself rather than the ex-BF.

pikachucheeks

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi there, im just looking for some advice. I've been with my bf for over two years he called a break last week due to alot of reasons...............mainly cause he wanted to be single for a while. We have been talking since but, his mind seems to be made up. But, we had arranged to meet up tomorrow. In my heart, im hoping he'll see me and realise he's making a big mistake I know i may be deluding myself but i cant cope thinking that its over.

My advice is to meet up with him, expecting the worst but looking your best!

Make sure you wear something you feel and look amazing in ; Something that makes you radiate confidence - so he can see what he's missing!

In terms of how you should act - be cool! - try and avoiding breaking down and begging for him back. Be honest and say what you need to say, but avoid being TOO intense!

Have yourself prepared for the fact he might say the relationship is over. Don't go there expecting a complete change of heart! If things do end, then it wasn't meant to be, obviously, and you'll find someone who'll appreciate you for you!

I'd also ask a mate to be nearby, so if the meet up goes badly, you're not on your own afterwards, upset, and you have someone to support you.


Good luck

scary_tractors

Agree with a lot of what pikachucheeks had to say.

OP, I really sympathise with you here as I have been in this position and it is an awful place to be. However, I would say not to lose hope - my bf and I went on a break (my idea, because I did want to be single for a while, we were together too young and going out 3 years). After a month of single life, I hated it but he didn't. He had a lot of other (family) stuff going on and wanted to continue "the break", whereas I didn't. Ended with him breaking up with me but realising a month later (and almost a stone lost for me) that it was a mistake. It took a long time but we have forgiven each other and we are stronger than ever now, four years later.

Meet him, don't get upset, look gorgeous (but not like you're trying too hard) and have someone nearby who will give you a hug afterwards if you need one. If he does want to get back together don't give in too quickly - he has made you suffer and you do need to make him realise that. Best of luck x

LegacyUser

Gyalist wrote:

you will always be his loyal poodle.

First thing......Gyalist.............im nobodys dog, I may be a girl wanting to be loved but, i also have a lot of dignity and self worth so dont worry i wont be a 'loyal poddle'.

Well Guys, i met the ex and im very happy to say he's no longer that. We talked things through, it was nervewrecking as hell, everything he said i was double guessing and over thinking. But, it worked out turns out he just cant be without me hehe i've never been happier to hear such words.
I wanna say thank you to all you guys, you have been such a help and great support to me and im very grateful.
For the ppl for whom i've dragged up old experiences for, thank you so much for your contribution and i hope each one of you is happy and content with the position your in now.
Kisses ppl xxxxx

thegame

I am the dumpee and my girlfriend broke up with me a month ago we were going out nearly 5 years and i had no contact with her i texted her today to say would she like to meet for lunch and be friends and i would like that from her.she said yes i would love to be friends but its a bit weird for me and i dont know why??

what do i make of this? now im confused

so im meeting her sat week now instead.so i am going to take advice from this post

star-pants

OP Unregistered wrote: »

Well Guys, i met the ex and im very happy to say he's no longer that. We talked things through, it was nervewrecking as hell, everything he said i was double guessing and over thinking. But, it worked out turns out he just cant be without me hehe i've never been happier to hear such words.
I wanna say thank you to all you guys, you have been such a help and great support to me and im very grateful.
For the ppl for whom i've dragged up old experiences for, thank you so much for your contribution and i hope each one of you is happy and content with the position your in now.
Kisses ppl xxxxx

Hun I'm so happy for you - I really really hope you two make a good go of things & the best of luck in everything. Means there's hope yet for some of us to be happy xx

caeter

hiya ah im delighted to read that!! obviously he a smart fella and realised what he could have lost!!
ur dead right in what you said your not being anyones poodle its something ya had to do so had no regrets in the future!!
best of luck to the two of yous- make him bring ya somewhere nice now this weekend!!
xxxxxxx

thegame

update!

ok im going to meet her saturday week instead and she said to me "im looking forward to meeting you for lunch".

how will i approach her on meeting her hug or kiss her on the cheek?? and should i play it cool and dont mention anything about getting back together?

missmatty

thegame wrote: »

and should i play it cool and dont mention anything about getting back together?

I thought you said ye were going to be FRIENDS?

Generally when a girl says she wants to be friends with an ex she means exactly that. Or am I missing something.

thegame

yeah i do want to be friends,but she keeps hinted at me and texts me all the time,but maybe friends is a good start