Please explain heaven

LoveDucati2

Just a few quick questions to the eternally retarded morons [...]

robindch

LoveDucati2 wrote: »

Just a few quick questions to the eternally retarded morons

You had your warning, now take a week's gardening leave.

Zillah

"Please explain heaven" is not a question.

Fanny Cradock

Maybe I'm not the most objective, but what is going on with some people on both forums of late?

5uspect

LoveDucati2 wrote: »

Just a few quick questions to the eternally retarded morons who want to go to heaven.

Just for the craic I'll play God's advocate.

Where is it?

[Possession by Holy Spirit]
It exists outside this reality. Just because it doesn't fit into your narrow materialist view doesn't mean it can't exist. It's a spiritual dimension where the non-material soul exists. It is everywhere and no where because it doesn't require any physical place, just like God.

How many can it hold safely? (in 1 million years there could be 500 billion in there)

Consider the number infinity. You can divide it up many times and it is still infinity.

As they are all dead is it kinda like Zombie heaven or are they ghosts?

Oh please! Zombie's are for adolescents obsessed by death, filth and decay. Your soul is perfect, immortal and pure. God created you in his image. Death is just a way to release the light.

If they are ghosts how do they recognise each other?

They don't need eyes or ears or material senses. They will be at one with each other and God.

Do priests work there?

All those that accept Jesus as Saviour will sit bu his side in his kingdom as equals.

What do the dead do all day?

You're confusing your mortal grasp of time with the infinite universal love of your God. Time has no meaning in heaven.

Can you have a job, get paid?

Why would you want material gain in perfection? Every pure desire you have is in God.


[/Possession by Holy Spirit]
gah, I feel all durty now!

Whats the entertainment and censorship like?

Bowling on Tuesdays, poker on Thursdays. As long as you don't mention Zeus you'll be grand.

Can you leave if its crap?

No, cos its perfect.

5uspect

Fanny Cradock wrote: »

Maybe I'm not the most objective, but what is going on with some people on both forums of late?

I guess the increased coverage of Christianity in the Easter season pisses them off.

seanybiker

all this atheist against religious people is really getting on me wick. Im atheist but I dont feel the need to go annoying people by going on about it. Same as the religious people going on about it all the time. Horses for courses. Each to their own etc.

Fanny Cradock

5uspect wrote: »

I guess the increased coverage of Christianity in the Easter season pisses them off.

Then I apologise to all the intolerant on behalf of those who hold different beliefs.

We are sorry

Stercus Accidit

Fanny Cradock wrote: »

Then I apologise to all the intolerant on behalf of those who hold different beliefs.

We are sorry

Just stick to the rapping lads, its what you're good at.

Fanny Cradock

I'm an Irish Caucasian; I don't rap. Not sure what your point is. Unless...

Zombrex

seanybiker wrote: »

all this atheist against religious people is really getting on me wick..

excuse me? :eek:

Zillah

Fanny Cradock wrote: »

Maybe I'm not the most objective, but what is going on with some people on both forums of late?

Those from After Hours have forgotten their place; they're starting to think they have something worthwhile to say about religion and been finding their way into more specialised forums but not actually integrating.

I for one welcome our new illiterate... nope, still can't do it.

Genghiz Cohen

Zillah wrote: »

Those from After Hours have forgotten their place; they're starting to think they have something worthwhile to say about religion and been finding their way into more specialised forums but not actually integrating.

I for one welcome our new illiterate... nope, still can't do it.

Hurrrrr Durrrr.
Resession is de gubbermentz fault rebel revolt, i'm helping by typing.
Im sick of the polish/romas/italians/resssions/bills,
Yore ma is an atari jaguar.

kiffer

Zillah wrote: »

Those from After Hours have forgotten their place; they're starting to think they have something worthwhile to say about religion and been finding their way into more specialised forums but not actually integrating.

I for one welcome our new illiterate... nope, still can't do it.

Welcome to the Internet and the Eternal September...

There have been a few religious topics posted in AH and of course this leads to high spirits on both sides of the divide over there... and we get the back lash over here.

Today's date is 5,702 September, 1993.

Zillah

I find it a little ironic that I left out the word "have" from a post in which I called others illiterate.

Beruthiel

Please explain heaven

robindch

Fanny Cradock wrote: »

what is going on with some people on both forums of late?

A full moon outside
Can make one upset inside,
The full moon will pass.

bnt

David Byrne had it right, I think:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5zNdMc6wGtU

Heaven is a place where nothing ever happens.

Fanny Cradock

robindch wrote: »

A full moon outside
Can make one upset inside,
The full moon will pass.

5-7-5

More please!

The Mad Hatter

Fanny Cradock wrote: »

5-7-5

More please!

Atheists' haikus
They're not worth very much
Written in English

studiorat

to explain one's self
in seventeen syllables
is very diffi..

dlofnep

5uspect wrote: »

Just for the craic I'll play God's advocate.



[Possession by Holy Spirit]
It exists outside this reality. Just because it doesn't fit into your narrow materialist view doesn't mean it can't exist. It's a spiritual dimension where the non-material soul exists. It is everywhere and no where because it doesn't require any physical place, just like God.



Consider the number infinity. You can divide it up many times and it is still infinity.



Oh please! Zombie's are for adolescents obsessed by death, filth and decay. Your soul is perfect, immortal and pure. God created you in his image. Death is just a way to release the light.



They don't need eyes or ears or material senses. They will be at one with each other and God.


All those that accept Jesus as Saviour will sit bu his side in his kingdom as equals.


You're confusing your mortal grasp of time with the infinite universal love of your God. Time has no meaning in heaven.


Why would you want material gain in perfection? Every pure desire you have is in God.


[/Possession by Holy Spirit]
gah, I feel all durty now!

Bowling on Tuesdays, poker on Thursdays. As long as you don't mention Zeus you'll be grand.


No, cos its perfect.

Makes sense to me! I'm sold.

Zamboni

5uspect wrote: »

Just for the craic I'll play God's advocate.



[Possession by Holy Spirit]
It exists outside this reality. Just because it doesn't fit into your narrow materialist view doesn't mean it can't exist. It's a spiritual dimension where the non-material soul exists. It is everywhere and no where because it doesn't require any physical place, just like God.



Consider the number infinity. You can divide it up many times and it is still infinity.



Oh please! Zombie's are for adolescents obsessed by death, filth and decay. Your soul is perfect, immortal and pure. God created you in his image. Death is just a way to release the light.



They don't need eyes or ears or material senses. They will be at one with each other and God.


All those that accept Jesus as Saviour will sit bu his side in his kingdom as equals.


You're confusing your mortal grasp of time with the infinite universal love of your God. Time has no meaning in heaven.


Why would you want material gain in perfection? Every pure desire you have is in God.


[/Possession by Holy Spirit]
gah, I feel all durty now!

Bowling on Tuesdays, poker on Thursdays. As long as you don't mention Zeus you'll be grand.


No, cos its perfect.

As long as they've got cigarettes in hell...

Zillah

To follow the crowd
How unlike an atheist
Let us go herd cats

Dave!

As I was going to St Ives
I met a man with seven wives
Each wife had seven sacks
Each sack had seven cats
Each cat had seven kits
Kits, cats, sacks, wives
How many were going to St Ives?

kiffer

Dave! wrote: »

As I was going to St Ives
I met a man with seven wives
Each wife had seven sacks
Each sack had seven cats
Each cat had seven kits
Kits, cats, sacks, wives
How many were going to St Ives?

I've always hated this "riddle"...
Did you over take them (a single man will most likely walk faster than a woman with a sack o' cats) or were they coming in the other direction? Were they simply sitting by the road? Do we count the cats? What about the cat's flees?

St. Ives is a nice looking town and on any given day I assume that there are quiet a few people going/coming to/from there even if it's just for their shopping...

From the information given we can only know for sure that one person (you) is going there... unless you are not telling the truth... Tell me Dave! (if that is your real name) have you ever even been to Cornwall? let alone St Ives!?

Also as far as I'm aware polygamy has been against the law for sometime in England, so where did he get all these wives? Seven wives is excessive ... and also means a possible seven mothers in law. Are they even his wives, or the wives of other men? Did he tell you they were his wives? or did you just assume that they were his? Are cats in sacks like cats in boxes? both alive and dead, in a state of quantum superposition? I know my cat would be bloody furious if you stuck it in a sack with 6 other cats and 49 kittens... are the cats alive?

Are the women strong enough to carry the sacks?

AH HA! Cats have a mass of between 2.5 and 7 kg, lets say the average is... 4 kg...
at 7 weeks kittens generally have a mass of at about 1 kg.

so each sack has a total mass of ~77 kg...
Each woman has 7 of these sacks... for a total of 539 kg... assuming the sacks themselves are of negligible mass...

looking here we see that even the strongest women don't lift anywhere near this much...

So we can rest assured that these women are not going anywhere any time soon with those cats. Also the noise would be awful... unless the cats were dead...

Fanny Cradock

kiffer wrote: »

I've always hated this "riddle"...
Did you over take them (a single man will most likely walk faster than a woman with a sack o' cats) or were they coming in the other direction? Were they simply sitting by the road? Do we count the cats? What about the cat's flees?

St. Ives is a nice looking town and on any given day I assume that there are quiet a few people going/coming to/from there even if it's just for their shopping...

From the information given we can only know for sure that one person (you) is going there... unless you are not telling the truth... Tell me Dave! (if that is your real name) have you ever even been to Cornwall? let alone St Ives!?

Also as far as I'm aware polygamy has been against the law for sometime in England, so where did he get all these wives? Seven wives is excessive ... and also means a possible seven mothers in law. Are they even his wives, or the wives of other men? Did he tell you they were his wives? or did you just assume that they were his? Are cats in sacks like cats in boxes? both alive and dead, in a state of quantum superposition? I know my cat would be bloody furious if you stuck it in a sack with 6 other cats and 49 kittens... are the cats alive?

Are the women strong enough to carry the sacks?

AH HA! Cats have a mass of between 2.5 and 7 kg, lets say the average is... 4 kg...
at 7 weeks kittens generally have a mass of at about 1 kg.

so each sack has a total mass of ~77 kg...
Each woman has 7 of these sacks... for a total of 539 kg... assuming the sacks themselves are of negligible mass...

looking here we see that even the strongest women don't lift anywhere near this much...

So we can rest assured that these women are not going anywhere any time soon with those cats. Also the noise would be awful... unless the cats were dead...

Of course the women could have carts. Anyway, I would have said the answer was one. But hey!

kiffer

Fanny Cradock wrote: »

Of course the women could have carts. Anyway, I would have said the answer was one. But hey!

Yeah... I thought of carts while I was in the car driving into town but nothing is mentioned about carts so we cant just automatically assume they have them... Even if they have carts, 500 kg of cat is pretty awkward to lug around... So they would be travelling slower than a single person . Allowing Dave! to over take them, meeting them even though they are travelling in the same direction...

"One" is one of the most sensible answers .. but a slightly better answer is "at least one, but we don't have enough information to blah blah blah".
See paragraph 3.

Also the man with seven wives may not actually have his wives there with him...

Galvasean

Genghiz Cohen wrote: »

Hurrrrr Durrrr.
Resession is de gubbermentz fault rebel revolt, i'm helping by typing.
Im sick of the polish/romas/italians/resssions/bills,
Yore ma is an atari jaguar.

Those poor swans

Fanny Cradock

kiffer wrote: »

Yeah... I thought of carts while I was in the car driving into town but nothing is mentioned about carts so we cant just automatically assume they have them... Even if they have carts, 500 kg of cat is pretty awkward to lug around... So they would be travelling slower than a single person . Allowing Dave! to over take them, meeting them even though they are travelling in the same direction...

"One" is one of the most sensible answers .. but a slightly better answer is "at least one, but we don't have enough information to blah blah blah".
See paragraph 3.

Also the man with seven wives may not actually have his wives there with him...

They would need some bloody big carts!

Anyway, the only person identified as going to St. Ives was the traveller; he simply said that he met the others on the way.

O'Coonassa

Fanny Cradock wrote: »

I'm an Irish Caucasian; I don't rap. Not sure what your point is. Unless...

Many Irish in Caucasia this century? How does being from there preclude you from rapping?

darjeeling

Fanny Cradock wrote: »

Anyway, the only person identified as going to St. Ives was the traveller; he simply said that he met the others on the way.

Who went to St. Ives?
I don't know; you don't either.
So it is with God.

DamagedTrax

is heaven like st. ives?

kiffer

DamagedTrax wrote: »

is heaven like st. ives?

Yes, in that we can't actually work out who is going there with the information avialable.

kiffer

Fanny Cradock wrote: »

They would need some bloody big carts!

Anyway, the only person identified as going to St. Ives was the traveller; he simply said that he met the others on the way.

Read the last two lines of the rhyme ... The question can be taken as "cats kits sacks wives how many are going to St. Ives?"

"One" would not be correct unless Dave! is a cat, kit, sack, or wife...

karen3212

Oooh heaven is a place on earth. Yes, yes, you know it!

Handsome Bob

LoveDucati2 wrote: »

Just a few quick questions to the eternally retarded morons [...]

You expect people to entertain your questions when the first thing you do is blatantly insult them by calling them retarded morons? I suggest for future reference that you learn some etiquette and manners before you try to challenge someone.

Fanny Cradock

kiffer wrote: »

Read the last two lines of the rhyme ... The question can be taken as "cats kits sacks wives how many are going to St. Ives?"

"One" would not be correct unless Dave! is a cat, kit, sack, or wife...

You might find this of interest - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/As_I_Was_Going_to_St_Ives#Answers

LZ5by5 wrote: »

You expect people to entertain your questions when the first thing you do is blatantly insult them by calling them retarded morons? I suggest for future reference that you learn some etiquette and manners before you try to challenge someone.

I'm guessing that the question was simply a vessel to float the insult upon.

kiffer

Fanny Cradock wrote: »

You might find this of interest - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/As_I_Was_Going_to_St_Ives#Answers

Bloody wikipedia, takes the fun out of everything.

blogga

Heaven is an imaginary state of being which it is believed will be given to the imaginary souls of those who believe in the tenets of various religions for following those tenets strictly during their lives. For particular strands of the Islamic faith heaven involves a large number of virgins being available to the lucky one; for Christianity is the achievement of the beatific vision i.e. an eternity spent in contemplation of god.
For me, heaven is my garden on a May morning between 4 to 7 a.m. I prefer that to all the other made up stuff of all the religions of the world.

DamagedTrax

blogga wrote: »

For particular strands of the Islamic faith heaven involves a large number of virgins being available to the lucky one

sounds like my kinda place

ALLAH ACKBAR!!!!!