Overweight parents

LegacyUser

Hi there,
can you help me? basically my parents are both quite overweight. I am the eldest of three siblings, (Im 23) the youngest is 12. I am definitely a natural worrier and maybe as the eldest in the family I feel a sense of responsibility towards the others. I am worried about my parents being overweight because I am worried that they will have a heart attack or something and die young. It's really getting me down, it upsets me so much, anytime they get fatty food like supermacs or whatever I just get so mad and I go all quiet and need to be on my own. But I havent said it to them because I don't know how to say it. I don't know if I don't say it because I am too scared to bring it up, or because I will offend them, and because really I don't know HOW to say it!! They are great parents, we are a close family and they have always provided for me and supported and been there for me. They will both be 50 this year. My dad also has drinks at home a few evenings a week, and this really pisses me off too. I'm not sure why, its not like he is an alcoholic, but I don't understand WHY he has to drink. I never just sit at home watching tv with a glass of wine, and I like to drink as much as the next person.
Anyway sorry for long post. Has anyone been in similar situation? Am I overreacting. Please advise, I am driving myself mad and those around me can tell that I am in a pissy mood!

p.s. I dont live at home, but am home now for Easter so that is why it has been on my mind so much now.

MagicMarker

whatotdo wrote: »

They are great parents

This is all that matters, what they eat or drink and when they do so is their business, not yours.

LegacyUser

MagicMarker wrote: »

This is all that matters, what they eat or drink and when they do so is their business, not yours.

OP here, no I don't agree with you. They are part of my family and I love them. It is my business as I don't want them to be eating themselves to an early grave. It is definitely my business. I just don't know how to approach the topic.

*Honey*

To be honest, you sound a little judgemental of them - how overweight are they? I agree it's not ideal to be overweight or to get takeaway for dinner but it's not the worst thing in the world either. It could be that they don't have the money to go to dinner or whatever and they're "treat" is getting a takeaway (I imagine this is going to a be pattern in houses all over the country in this cliamate). It would be best for them and you if they ate well and exercised and all those good things but we all know that ideal is pretty hard to find. Do they have any medical conditions at present that stems directly from them being overweight? Are they happy people? Are they good parents to you and your siblings?

As to your Dad drinking, it's perfectly normal for someone to want a few beers once or twice a week - as long as he's not downing 10 or 20 cans a night, I don't think you should worry. He probably just enjoys it.

Your comment "I'm not sure why, its not like he is an alcoholic, but I don't understand WHY he has to drink. I never just sit at home watching tv with a glass of wine, and I like to drink as much as the next person." says a lot to me about your attitude regarding them.... it doesn't really matter what you do, what you like .... they are different, they enjoy other things and they're allowed to. Just because you don't do it, does that mean they shouldn't either?

Your folks are adults - they make choices and decisions for themselves. You may not like some of those decisions. I'm sure they probably don't like all your decisions or everything you do. You need to see them as adults in their own right, not just your parents.

dudara

I understand your concern, but I feel that it is somewhat misplaced. You possibly need to stop focussing on your parents to the extent that you do. They are adults and it is their choice.

It is somewhat judgemental on your part to feel that you know better and I think that this is something that often affects the early 20's child. A lot of people at that age post here in PI with some issue concerning their parents.

Focus on yourself and stop worrying so much about your parents. They could die in a car crash tomorrow and all the non-fat food in the world, or your worring would have helped. Try to not let worry overtake you.

Wagon

whatotdo wrote: »

My dad also has drinks at home a few evenings a week, and this really pisses me off too. I'm not sure why, its not like he is an alcoholic, but I don't understand WHY he has to drink. I never just sit at home watching tv with a glass of wine, and I like to drink as much as the next person.

So? He likes a few drinks, what's the harm? Just because you don't like it doesn't mean everyone else should hold the same opinion as you

p.s. I dont live at home, but am home now for Easter so that is why it has been on my mind so much now.

Look mate, people will do things you don't agree with. It's their choice.

Zamboni

You'd get a much better response in the Fitness forum.

You're right to worry.
They're your folks and you'd rather have them around than not.

There are plenty of things you can do without actually saying anything.
Go shopping with them and show them healthier alternatives.
Buy them fitness equipment for birthdays and at xmas.
Go walking with them or get them out and about.
Have them over to yours and cook healthy foods.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

i am in my twenties, my father is over weight and has had a heart attack already. my mum has high cholestorol. everyday i get frustrated with them, i am lucky that i dont live at home as i cant bear to watch it anymore.

i told them if i was abusing drugs they would interfere coz i was damaging my body and killing myself so in a sense they are doing the same..... abusing food and lack of exercise etc.

fact is parents wont listen, we are their kids after all and what do we kno. it breaks my heart but i have tried everyting in the book and nothin works,i never go for dinner with them and try and avoid ever having to eat in their presence.

its not fair for people to come on here and tell us, they can do what they like, if kids had that attitude to their parents, even when the kids are of adult age, it would be considered highly disrespectful. its like sayin...mind your own business.

all i can say is give me the strength to accept the things i cannot change, the courage to change the things i can and the wisdom to know the difference. we cant do anything about it.....fact.....but we will be left with the guilt when they go before their time...fact.

very hard not to be filled with resentment towards them but i wish u all the best.

star-pants

MagicMarker wrote: »

This is all that matters, what they eat or drink and when they do so is their business, not yours.

Zamboni wrote: »

You're right to worry.
They're your folks and you'd rather have them around than not.

There are plenty of things you can do without actually saying anything.
Go shopping with them and show them healthier alternatives.
Buy them fitness equipment for birthdays and at xmas.
Go walking with them or get them out and about.
Have them over to yours and cook healthy foods.

I agree with both of these.
On one hand, it's their life and they'll live it how they feel like, whether you agree or not.
On the other, of course you want what's best for them as they would for you.

I think Zambonis' suggestions are good ones, you don't have to directly say anything, but you can encourage them. Maybe see if one or both would join you in a class of sorts, even a dance class you could get them in to? Joining them for walks and things are other good ideas. There's no harm in gently nudging them in the right direction.

Jimbo

You sound like a worrier.
There's no need to be concerened with your father having a few drinks at homw. If he enjoys them and they help him relax, they're probably doing him more good than harm.

With regards the fatty foods etc., without referring to their weight issues, could you not just comment on the unheathiness of such food when they are eating it in a lighthearted manner. Try not to get in an argument with them but just let them know that you are concerned about their eating habits.If you are close to them as you say they shouldn't take offense.

miss no stars

Firsly, I wouldn't worry about that sort of drinking. As long as it's 1-2 glasses of wine a night it's hardly excessive or worrying behaviour. Maybe he just likes to sit and relax.

secondly, I WOULD worry about their weight. Why not just say outright that you think they're fantastic parents, you love them to bits and because of that, hate to see them putting themselves as risk. Just say outright that you're worried to bits about them and for their own sake it would be a good idea to get down to a healthy weight for their height, frame and age.

If that doesn't work, you tried. Not much else you can do. Dropping little hints could be seen as snide and be greeted with a very defensive attitude.

LoanShark

MagicMarker wrote: »

This is all that matters, what they eat or drink and when they do so is their business, not yours.

I think it is very much the OP's business, They are family and the op has every right to be concerned about them.. And they are very lucky to have a child that is concerned abut them too..

If the OP ,Maybe in some way tried to get them to do somthing active with him/her, Like going for a walk in the park or on the beach and then trying to subtle way bring in healthy food into the house, Or Maybe have one of those health programmes on when they walk into the room and let them see what damage is happening to others, It might make them think.. Get your younger siblings to help out too, get your youngest (if it is a boy to get your dad out for a kick about) (If it is a girl get her to take your mam out for a walk)..

But there are ways to get through to them...I agree they are grown ups and they can do their own thing BUT,it is nice to have them around...

cafecolour

Wine, especially red wine, has been proven to DECREASE your chances of having a heart attack - so the wine is a good thing for him, as long as we're not talking a bottle a day.

The best way to encourage your parents is not to confront them directly, but announce YOU are going to trying eat healthier and exercise more, and encourage them to join as a family thing. Then cook healthy dinners for the whole family, go on walks and get them to come (get the whole family to come even). Even if they only do it when you do it at first, it will help. Now, don't aim too high, or you'll burn yourself out - I'm talking 1-2 meals a week and 1-2 walks a week. Not only will this lead them by example, but it will give a good role model for your younger siblings, and it will help keep you healthy as well.

Finally, one of the proven killers worse than obesity is stress. You seem prone to it - work on it now (the exercise is a great way to start) so you're not giving yourself a heart attack in 30 years.

LegacyUser

OP here again, thank you sincerely for all your replies. I think I have been overdoing it with stressing about them. I am also really stressed in other areas of my life so I guess it just makes everything seem worse. I am not living at home, or even close so I can't go on family walks etc. but whenever I am home I can do the same thing. I appreciate the advice all. Thanks