Just a silly little poem

Richy165

Hi, this is my first post/thread, so I thought that I'd put up a poem that I wrote today. I don't usually write poetry, as you'll soon be able to tell, but there's no harm in trying new things. I know that a lot of people can be rather vicious on this forum (the amount of vitriol and spite that anonymity allows is remarkable) but please bare in mind that ,at the end of the day, it's just a poem. I'm not trying to reinvent the literary wheel here and I didn't read any of those works recommended by Godspal, mostly because it's a lot of over intellectualized **** (that's not an attack on Godspal, just her reading list)

The Ant and Grasshopper


In Aesop’s fable,
the Ant was adept
He saved what he scavenged,
without falling in debt
But, here’s the true story
and in this reportage
Grasshoppers run banks
And the Ant has a mortgage.
From a comfortable branch,
He watched the Ant slaving.
And drank his champagne,
No notion of saving
“Winter’s not coming,
Your pension’s secured
There’s plenty to borrow”
The Grasshopper assured
His life was quite easy
His work was like play,
He’d just sit at his bureau
spending money all day
Soon the bank had no money
As he’d dropped the ball
They were now posting losses,
they’d squandered it all
“We may be in trouble”,
Grasshopper told Ant
Who'd since lost his job
At the construction plant
The market turned cold
Along with the weather.
Recession kicked in,
They were in it together
The times became lean
And It only got worse
The ant was in trouble
as money was scarce
But a last minute bailout
Saved the grasshopper’s job
And he kept his bonus
Not bad for a slob.
The Ant lost his home
to a judicial foreclosure
And out on the cold streets
he died from exposure
So, the banking grasshopper
was able to crawl,
From the dead business tiger
that he had helped maul
And from this short tale
There’s much to be learned
That the downtrodden workers
Are the first to get burned
While some work like ants
Some sit reclining
And view hard earned wages
As just pocket lining

joeystrider

Ha! I like this. Simple and clear. And unfortunately funny.

pickarooney

Very nice, write some more!
If I could offer one piece of advice it would be to consider 'mere' instead of 'just' in the last line. No particular reason, it just scans better for me. Also, there are a couple of places where you could drop the 'The' in front of Grasshopper and it flow a little better.

MrMatisse

v gud!

skybluejay

This is gooood, really good. And I never post, so consider yourself singled out for special praise

Richy165

pickarooney wrote: »

Very nice, write some more!
If I could offer one piece of advice it would be to consider 'mere' instead of 'just' in the last line. No particular reason, it just scans better for me. Also, there are a couple of places where you could drop the 'The' in front of Grasshopper and it flow a little better.

Hi Pickarooney, thanks for the critique, I completely agree with your comments, but it's only in hindsight that we notice such things. If I was to try and justify myself I'd say that the "just" line was written with the ambiguous nature of the word in mind, but that'd be a lie.

Podge2k7

Good stuff.!

mickeydevine

Very good. I liked it a lot.