Men are so confusing!

LegacyUser

It's been a long time since ive been single so any advice is very very welcome...

Im just out of a long term relationship and a few weeks ago I met a guy I'd kind of known from college at a party. I was still with my bf at the time and so obviously nothing happened but i was dancing with him and i found him to be very flirty... he asked me for my number as we were discussing literature that night and he wanted to swap books with me...

anyway, Im single now and last week I met him after a night out. He was very flirty and drove me back to his house, he was sober and I was after having a good few drinks.. anyway, we had tea and he went very quiet.. told me how much he liked me and wanted to kiss me.. totally out of charactor, I let lose and had sex with him.

The next morning he was fine, cuddled into me and drove me home saying that he'd love to meet for coffee this week and gave me a cuddle...

Anyway, I text him the next day asking about tickets for a gig that he was working at and got no response. He's an IT guy and had told me that he was going to help install stuff on my new laptop this week so i text him and still heard no response.....

Was starting to think he was an ass and then he added me on msn... So he was online today and i messaged him and he was very cold... jusst normal chit chat.. i asked him what he was up to tonight and he just kind of brushed it off. Is he an ass who just wanted a one night stand? or is he just shy like he told me he was? Im not sure if i should believe him or not anymore...

bluecell99

My guess - yes,he is an ass who just wanted a one night stand.

Sorry but that's the way with some people.

NickNolte

Maybe he's an ass who told you what you wanted to hear so he could sleep with you. Maybe he's not too sure about getting with a girl who got drunk and slept with him so easily so soon after a long term relationship. You can assume and leave it at that or you can ask him.

really confused

really confused wrote: »

Was starting to think he was an ass and then he added me on msn... So he was online today and i messaged him and he was very cold... jusst normal chit chat.. i asked him what he was up to tonight and he just kind of brushed it off. Is he an ass who just wanted a one night stand? or is he just shy like he told me he was? Im not sure if i should believe him or not anymore...

There's nothing shy about that. Tell him to make up his mind what he wants, be clear about it, and in the meantime to sod off, tbh

or probably better, just tell him to sod off altogether

magick

NickNolte wrote: »

Maybe he's an ass who told you what you wanted to hear so he could sleep with you. Maybe he's not too sure about getting with a girl who got drunk and slept with him so easily so soon after a long term relationship. You can assume and leave it at that or you can ask him.

id go with this, he probably thinks after a few drinks "you let loose" instead of getting to know him/date him, so he got his one night stand, but probably isnt interested in a realtionship anymore.

LegacyUser

The chase was over to quick .

SarahSassy

Yep one night stand guy....

Next....

D/C

I dont know, everyone seems a bit harsh on this lad! Maybe he is shy or maybe he is just after a one night stand, based on the info given and what the O.P. knows herself its hard to know!

O.P. give him one or two chances over texts/msn if nothing happens move on! If you get date, happy days and play it by ear!

LegacyUser

Not a chance this guy is shy....Im a shy guy and there is not a hope in hell of me being able to get a woman into bed sober!!! I wouldnt have the balls to try it. If somehow I did succeed in this then and the girl was contacting me no matter how shy I am I would still be nice and make an effort. Sounds to me as if he got what he wanted and thats that. Then again I now have a rule of not getting involved with women just out of long term relationships because they never go anywhere so maybe he is thinking like this. Unlucky OP, some people are just dicks though!

banana66

really confused wrote: »

It's been a long time since ive been single so any advice is very very welcome...

Im just out of a long term relationship and a few weeks ago I met a guy I'd kind of known from college at a party. I was still with my bf at the time and so obviously nothing happened but i was dancing with him and i found him to be very flirty... he asked me for my number as we were discussing literature that night and he wanted to swap books with me...

anyway, Im single now and last week I met him after a night out. He was very flirty and drove me back to his house, he was sober and I was after having a good few drinks.. anyway, we had tea and he went very quiet.. told me how much he liked me and wanted to kiss me.. totally out of charactor, I let lose and had sex with him.

The next morning he was fine, cuddled into me and drove me home saying that he'd love to meet for coffee this week and gave me a cuddle...

Anyway, I text him the next day asking about tickets for a gig that he was working at and got no response. He's an IT guy and had told me that he was going to help install stuff on my new laptop this week so i text him and still heard no response.....

Was starting to think he was an ass and then he added me on msn... So he was online today and i messaged him and he was very cold... jusst normal chit chat.. i asked him what he was up to tonight and he just kind of brushed it off. Is he an ass who just wanted a one night stand? or is he just shy like he told me he was? Im not sure if i should believe him or not anymore...

He is just a regular guy who came across a girl who was available for selection. He doesnt want to fall in love and have a deep meaningful relationship. I feel sorry for him as you seem a bit of a whiney clingy type

LegacyUser

So should i just ignore him? think is i like him, I mean after the first time I met him he was on my mind.. when i met him the other day, I was thrilled that he was actually interested and was really sweet.... GGRRR stupid boys, forgot what this was like. If he turns out to be a total ass ill prob tell him that the sex wasnt that great.. which is true! I remember that much...

LegacyUser

banana66 wrote: »

He is just a regular guy who came across a girl who was available for selection. He doesnt want to fall in love and have a deep meaningful relationship. I feel sorry for him as you seem a bit of a whiney clingy type

Im actually not clingey at all, actually one of the reasons myself and the bf broke up... that he wanted more emotionally than I was able to give. Thanks for the imput tho!

Joey the lips

One night stand man. Not all of us are like that. But then not all of us are virgins. You get the jist.. A good one night stand is hard to find.

Ask him where you are going and see if he hangs around, In the mean time just think of it as a good experience for you.

Liam Byrne

Replace "men" with "people" and you're on to something that most of us have known for years....

OP - if you hooked up with someone and only wanted that night, or something casual, how would you act ?

LegacyUser

Liam Byrne wrote: »

Replace "men" with "people" and you're on to something that most of us have known for years....

OP - if you hooked up with someone and only wanted that night, or something casual, how would you act ?

ya see the thing is that im actually not interested in anything long term or serious... I just thought that he was sound to hang out with and genuinely thought he was a nice guy. I thought that that we could still be friends.. Thats what is bothering me, I had been in a relationship for four years.. this is only the third guy Ive ever slept with in my life so i guess it was my own stupidity for thinking that I could sleep with him and still be friends in the morning.. I'm just disappointed in his charactor more than anything.

Leah-G1

I had the same situation one time,guy was really really nice to me the night before.Next day he was an asshole....until the next time we were drunk and he'd be nice to me again.
(funny he was in IT too)

He always seemed to attentive and I gave him a chance again and again and again....I ended up coming to my senses and knocking it on the head. I was being used.

If I was you I'd move on straight away,if hes showing no interest from the start its hardly going to be worthwhile for you!

Go out and have some fun!!!!

Pedrospuds

Sounds to me like the guy really likes you but probably thinks you want a relationship , which probably scared him a bit. If you talk to him again maybe tell him that but ifs he's still cold after that , he's an ass

bicardi19

he has your number he has added you on his msn, i think you should just leave the ball in his court. if he wants to call then he will.
In the meantime you have just come out of a 4 year relationship so go and have some fun and dont waste your time worrying over men who might be assholes.
there are plenty of good men out there.

Liam Byrne

Adding you on MSN "afterwards" doesn't sound like something an asshole would do....maybe he does want to be friends; just not the type that text very often in the week ?

There are always exceptions, though; I can think of one very surprising Bebo friend request that had me going WTF ?

bicardi19

i said that "might" be an asshole!!

aineolach

Well I'm guessing he's already got friends he hangs out with and will get in contact with you the next time he wants a romp. My bet is that you will never spend pre-planned time together outside of either his or your house. I'll go one step further and wager that he'll invite you around for a DVD night (or something similar) rather soon. It's a shame he wasn't that good in bed otherwise you could have a **** buddy on your hand.

LegacyUser

Well he's meant to text me today to look at my laptop so i'll see if he does.. if he doesnt then im putting on my dancing shoes tonight and going out with the girls!

nomorebadtown

really confused wrote: »

i was dancing with him and i found him to be very flirty... he asked me for my number as we were discussing literature that night and he wanted to swap books with me...

Oh dear, the old pretend to be into literature trick....this guy put the moves on you and it worked like a charm. Move on.

Unregistered

Unregistered wrote: »

i like him, I mean after the first time I met him he was on my mind.. when i met him the other day, I was thrilled that he was actually interested and was really sweet....

Unregistered wrote: »

im actually not interested in anything long term or serious... I just thought that he was sound to hang out with and genuinely thought he was a nice guy.

You're a bit confusing, to be honest ... so he's probably getting mixed signals too. Decide yourself it you want to be mates or more, then act accordingly.

But you've had no indication whatsoever from him that he's interested in getting together with you again (isn't there some thing on MSN where the more friends you have the more popular people think you are? ... I dunno) and it sounds like you're the one who's doing all the running.

Leave it be, see what (if anything) happens.

Steamer

It's hard for girls who get out of long relationships to know how far is too far to go with a guy especially after a few drinks. Sounds like he's just not that into you if I'm being honest.

Unregistered wrote: »

Well he's meant to text me today to look at my laptop so i'll see if he does.. if he doesnt then im putting on my dancing shoes tonight and going out with the girls!

Go out with the girls anyway, you're just single again, enjoy it

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

If he turns out to be a total ass ill prob tell him that the sex wasnt that great.. which is true! I remember that much...

Ha, maybe he is thinking the same OP and thats why he is no longer interested. Takes two to tango!!

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

Ha, maybe he is thinking the same OP and thats why he is no longer interested. Takes two to tango!!

you're prob right but ive kinda stopped caring now! he's a nice enough guy but i cant understand now why i was getting worked up about someone when I just got out of a relationship cos i wanted to be single!!!

LegacyUser

he never contacted me! so i think ill be doing a bit of ignoring when i see him next!! ive pretty much lost all interested, but i will be putting on the guna and the high heels next week to show him what he missed out on.... when im on a date, at the gig that he's working at!

blogga

The answer is always, always the obvious. He had a ride. Get over it.

Reganio 2

really confused wrote: »

Anyway, I text him the next day asking about tickets for a gig that he was working at and got no response.

Maybe he is just thinking that you are only with him cause you want something I.E Tickets and Laptop thing. You seem like a nice girl though so just go out on the town and get a few drinks and let the men swarm around you and your girls like flies like we always do

Wagon

Unregistered wrote: »

he never contacted me! so i think ill be doing a bit of ignoring when i see him next!! ive pretty much lost all interested, but i will be putting on the guna and the high heels next week to show him what he missed out on.... when im on a date, at the gig that he's working at!

Few questions for you here OP:

-What the hell were you complaining about in the first place if you weren't interested in relationship?
-Why did you have sex with him if you were only interested in being his friend?
-Why are you complaining when you find out that he didn't call back even thought you don't want a relationship?
-Why are you going out on a date to where he works and rub it in his face?

Another thing you posted is that your previous relationship ended because you didn't commit emotionally, which says to me that you are a pretty detached person and someone who is closed off and cold. To be fair, I can see why he hasn't called you back. My advice is to get your own head sorted before you go and start having a go at the lad for keeping his guard up.

NickNolte

Unregistered wrote: »

If he turns out to be a total ass ill prob tell him that the sex wasnt that great.. which is true!

Unregistered wrote: »

you're prob right but ive kinda stopped caring now! he's a nice enough guy but i cant understand now why i was getting worked up about someone when I just got out of a relationship cos i wanted to be single!!!

Unregistered wrote: »

he never contacted me! so i think ill be doing a bit of ignoring when i see him next!! ive pretty much lost all interested, but i will be putting on the guna and the high heels next week to show him what he missed out on

You should avoid relationships for a while. I would suggest that you're not secure or emotionally mature enough to be in one. This isn't meant as a harsh criticism - we were all young and foolish once. I'm just saying it for the sake of any man that ends up getting involved with such a muddled young woman who doens't know what she wants.

Take a little time for yourself to decide who you are.

Eric Cartman

Leah-G1 wrote: »

I had the same situation one time,guy was really really nice to me the night before.Next day he was an asshole....until the next time we were drunk and he'd be nice to me again.
(funny he was in IT too)

He always seemed to attentive and I gave him a chance again and again and again....I ended up coming to my senses and knocking it on the head. I was being used.

If I was you I'd move on straight away,if hes showing no interest from the start its hardly going to be worthwhile for you!

Go out and have some fun!!!!

really confused wrote: »

It's been a long time since ive been single so any advice is very very welcome...

Im just out of a long term relationship and a few weeks ago I met a guy I'd kind of known from college at a party. I was still with my bf at the time and so obviously nothing happened but i was dancing with him and i found him to be very flirty... he asked me for my number as we were discussing literature that night and he wanted to swap books with me...

anyway, Im single now and last week I met him after a night out. He was very flirty and drove me back to his house, he was sober and I was after having a good few drinks.. anyway, we had tea and he went very quiet.. told me how much he liked me and wanted to kiss me.. totally out of charactor, I let lose and had sex with him.

The next morning he was fine, cuddled into me and drove me home saying that he'd love to meet for coffee this week and gave me a cuddle...

Anyway, I text him the next day asking about tickets for a gig that he was working at and got no response. He's an IT guy and had told me that he was going to help install stuff on my new laptop this week so i text him and still heard no response.....

Was starting to think he was an ass and then he added me on msn... So he was online today and i messaged him and he was very cold... jusst normal chit chat.. i asked him what he was up to tonight and he just kind of brushed it off. Is he an ass who just wanted a one night stand? or is he just shy like he told me he was? Im not sure if i should believe him or not anymore...

these stories are sounding familiar, what age is the guy(s) also OP what college

LegacyUser

Eric Cartman wrote: »

these stories are sounding familiar, what age is the guy(s) also OP what college

Thank you, I am very emotionally stable... just a bit out of practise when it comes to dating! I am going to a date where he works as its in my college pub and Im not going to avoid it!!

Its in dublin and we are in our mid twenties

LegacyUser

ok so said boy text me a few times since.. I have been on a couple of dates but nothing more... met him last week and there was a bit of cuddling... nothing else. now he's back to being all cold again!... any ideas?

estar

and dont obsess about it in the mean time. i find that most men if you are friendly and open are quite well able to say what they want. id say he doesnt want a relationship, if he did he would have been more attentive after sleeping with you. anyway - if i were you i would be having fun, going on dates, and not focusing on any one guy so soon after breaking up with someone. just relax and take it easy. and if you hve se% wth someone just after meeting them, i would assume that its casual. they havnt made any promises to you, so dont assume because they sleep with you its in any way a sign of anything more permanent. if you do want more signs of commitment before getting that intimate, wait and get them, and maybe you wouldnt be so confused afterwards.

Salome

Leave him be. He sounds a bit half-assed about seeing you so why bother?

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