Sooooooooo Bored

fabfemale

You'd think with the crazy life I have that I'd be too busy to think about happiness and contentment - briefly, I'm 37, married, four kids (christ, sounds like loads), only one small child to worry about really, one in college, one about to do his leaving and a 9 year old going on 20. Working full time, running a big house, great friends but no social life really, everyone's too goddam busy with their own kids/husbands/houses. Money is tight but I wouldn't say we're very stressed. Married a few years and the relationship is a struggle at times, same as everyone else I suppose. Lately, have been feeling like life is passing me by so I'm doing everything I can to maintain myself - i.e. looking after my skin, wearing make-up and dressing well, having my hair done, etc. I'm a good looking woman with lovely kids, a lovely husband, a lovely home (albeit with a hefty mortgage), good standard of living etc. My question is this: Is this it? Is this what life is all about? Why am I feeling, for the want of a better word, bored, every day? People are starting to comment on my "sad" demeanour, but that's probably because I'm normally jokey, chatty, having a laugh, cheeky and I just don't feel like that at the mo.

Hope to Christ this isn't the menopause or I'll go loopy altogether.

Anyone else feel the same???

Nevyn

You need a hooby or a passion, something that intrests you and keeps you going.
Spending all your time on the house, kids and looking well is just maintaining standards.
Find something that you like to do that makes you happy, what are you goal and dreams
and which of them can you achieve even while being the logstical back up for the lives of others ?

prinz

"What if this is as good as it gets?" One of the best movie lines ever :pac:

Yup seriously get interested in something, learn a new language, take up art, whatever it is keep it for you, and nobody else. Everyone needs time to focus on themselves sometimes. It's beneficial to take time out.

Advise against starting an affair though. That's where a lot of people end up going in this situation, 'for a bit of excitement' etc.

ManOfMystery

Many people want the dream - kids, house, great partner - but the reality is that a lot of it is just hard work and routine. Get up, get the kids ready, go to work, come home and make their dinner, put them to bed, sleep .................. get up, get the kids ready, etc. All while having the mortgage hanging over you.

It sounds like the 'routine' has got truly monotonous for you. I'm maybe not in the best position to advise as I am not married and have no children, but from my viewpoint it sounds like you're doing the same thing day in and day out and like the other posters have advised, a hobby or something would be a nice way of breaking the routine and bringing some fun into it.

Also, what do you do as a family that's fun for you all - do you go out for meals? A day away at weekend? Camping? etc? Try and introduce something different into your routine and see if that helps. You don't mention if your husband feels the same way but chances are he'd also welcome a few changes and if you're both singing from the same hymn sheet then half the battle is won.

fabfemale

Sound advice from all of you, thanks. If only it was that easy.....I've often thought about a night course or something like that, but it's finding the time that's the problem. Even if I really wanted to have an affair, I'd have to schedule it months in advance!!! I know what you're all saying and maybe things will get better as the kids get older, etc - who knows? I'm just feeling a bit sorry for myself is all. It's a great comfort to know that the hubby really loves me (most of the time) - I guess that's more than a lot of people have. Maybe a bit more "us" time is called for.......

A lotto win would really help though!!!!

LegacyUser

If one of your kids is in college, then he/she can look after teh others for a weekend while you guys go exploring. Take a cheap flight to Italy and stay in a cheap hotel; spend the day in the galleries and the evenings having a beer in a piazza with the students...

I'm a year younger than you, single and have no house and I get equally as bored with the routine in my life... I have all the time in the world but my friends are all busy (and none of them have kids... they are just in a routine of tv, study, out with partners).

So, I found a hobby - it keeps me fit, gets me out in nature and has given me a whole new lease of life as well as new friends who are more motivated to do things.

In fact, I just thought about that.... my old friends are quite lazy - my new ones are motivated to get out and do stuff - find people who are "up for it" and they'll spur you to do more.

You mention a "good standard of living" - seems like you've got a good standard of existing. Get out there and enjoy yourself..

The camping idea (Man Of Mystery) is great - kids are into it, you get to see the countryside, lots of things to do, brings a family closer and you rough it a bit.....

MeMyself&I

Sounds like the Balled of Lucy Jordan!!!

You have a great life!! Surely there is something you could to make it more interesting / exciting!! What is it that you want, more of a social life? More out of your career? Are you dwelling on mistakes you might have made, have you fot regrets?

LegacyUser

I don't deny that I have a good life, I wouldn't say it's a great life. It's tough going, the daily slog wears you down and I was just asking for general ideas and if anyone else was in the same boat. I do feel, on reflection, that the old social life needs a gee up so I'll work on that to begin with and take it from there. Thanks everyone for the good advice.

CaptainSkidmark

fabfemale wrote: »

You'd think with the crazy life I have that I'd be too busy to think about happiness and contentment - briefly, I'm 37, married, four kids (christ, sounds like loads), only one small child to worry about really, one in college, one about to do his leaving and a 9 year old going on 20. Working full time, running a big house, great friends but no social life really, everyone's too goddam busy with their own kids/husbands/houses. Money is tight but I wouldn't say we're very stressed. Married a few years and the relationship is a struggle at times, same as everyone else I suppose. Lately, have been feeling like life is passing me by so I'm doing everything I can to maintain myself - i.e. looking after my skin, wearing make-up and dressing well, having my hair done, etc. I'm a good looking woman with lovely kids, a lovely husband, a lovely home (albeit with a hefty mortgage), good standard of living etc. My question is this: Is this it? Is this what life is all about? Why am I feeling, for the want of a better word, bored, every day? People are starting to comment on my "sad" demeanour, but that's probably because I'm normally jokey, chatty, having a laugh, cheeky and I just don't feel like that at the mo.

Hope to Christ this isn't the menopause or I'll go loopy altogether.

Anyone else feel the same???

well i have to say, your still a young woman! i tink maybe sit down with your husband and have a chat about it. start doing something that makes you feel great about yourself. and get out more!

Considering you were im guessing 20 when you had your first child im guessing you missed a good bit of going out with your friends? As i said, your 37, still a young woman so there is nothing stopping you from going out and having a good time!

I was seeing a woman 5 years your elder for ages(im only 25) and she has 4 kids and started feeling like you are only her husband left her for another woman so count your self lucky you have so much going for you!

and try go on a holiday with just you and your husband or even you and your friends! leave the kids at home! that should cheer you up!

blogga

Ego Ego Ego. You believe that you deserve soooo much more. Why? You dont. Your lucky. get on with it.

radioactiveman

Hang on
You
- have a job, you're good looking (by your own admission!), you've been married for a long time so presumably basically your husband loves you and loves you for who you are otherwise he wouldn't be with you this long, you have four children (I mean this in a good way), also you have good friends.

You could have none of these things and still be bored believe me.

How about doing a bungey jump? seriously, no boredom after that!

Oryx

Up to your mid to late 30s you are achieving. Whether its the house, the spouse, the family, the career, whatever, everything points to this life 'pinnacle' where you think you should be. Its what we are all taught, work hard, strive, learn, achieve. The age you are at now is the point where really, everything tends to settle down. Youve hit most of the milestones.

By the time you get there though, and its all done and achieved, you look around, and think: Now what? Whats to do now, Im facing wrinkles and arthritis at some point, is it all going to be downhill? You think wtf did I bother doing all that for if Im sitting on my bum bored, watching Eastenders most evenings?

So you have to find something else to fulfil you. Something to make you feel like you are still achieving and not just facing decrepitude. I dont know what that is for you. It could be a new social outlet, some kind of physical challenge, charity work, a change of career (if life and finances allow)

Just keep telling yourself you ARE young, goodlooking and healthy. Decreptitude bedamned, youll do what you want, regardless of age.

And dont allow your thinking to develop into seeing your life and family as a weight around your neck. Its not, but it can be easy to start thinking that way.

Salome

blogga wrote: »

Ego Ego Ego. You believe that you deserve soooo much more. Why? You dont. Your lucky. get on with it.

So you don't deserve anything you desire in life either then? Don't be so facetious. Everyone deserves happiness.

OP, you're in a rut. You may have the ideal life to the outside world but I don't blame you for feeling the way you do. There's no use in complaining about it though - you need to change things. Get the social life moving again - I'd say many of your friends feel the same and would welcome a night out with the girls without the kids and hubby in tow.

In order to change things, you've got to make an effort.

blogga

Salome wrote: »

So you don't deserve anything you desire in life either then? Don't be so facetious. Everyone deserves happiness.

OP, you're in a rut. You may have the ideal life to the outside world but I don't blame you for feeling the way you do. There's no use in complaining about it though - you need to change things. Get the social life moving again - I'd say many of your friends feel the same and would welcome a night out with the girls without the kids and hubby in tow.

In order to change things, you've got to make an effort.

Non sequiturs are obviously a strength in your thinking.
The original poster is an egotitst who thinks that she deserves more. Why? She has a good life. Happiness lies in acceptance, not whining and feeling sorry for yourself and being encouraged in such self destructive guff by ppl on a net bulletin board.

Salome

blogga wrote: »

Happiness lies in acceptance, not whining and feeling sorry for yourself and being encouraged in such self destructive guff by ppl on a net bulletin board.

So you're willing to settle and accept what you have in life and not want anything more? Poor you. That's a half-life.

blogga

Salome wrote: »

So you're willing to settle and accept what you have in life and not want anything more? Poor you. That's a half-life.

I note a further strength of your lies in jumping to conclusions and attempting a patronising tone. Or probably matronising. Laughable contributions from a smug twit who hugely overestimates your own capacity. You show remarkable capacity for self delusion; at least spare others your advice until you examine your own reasoning capacity. Bring me the head of John the Baptist.

Zaph

If you two want to carry this on please take it to PM or expect bans to follow,

Salome

Zaph, point taken but "blogga" was the insulting one. Personally, I have no desire to enter into a debate with "blogga", I was merely replying to the OP's PI.

dudara

Salome, I'm being extremely kind by giving you one more warning to leave this matter rest. You don't want an infraction.

dudara