Boyfriend has changed

LegacyUser

Hi guys, been reading these threads with interest for a while, never thought i'd need peoples advice though Basically been going out with guy for several years and its been great, class actually.........love him to bits and he always said he felt the same infact sometimes it felt like he loved me more. but, things have changed since his job has changed. I only really get to see him at the weekend, but his mates are home so i dont get to see him any sat night either. I was upset about this, just felt like he should give up his mates every so often for me. is this unreasonable?
We got in to a huge argument about this and i said that i should be one of his main priorities and i feel like his friends are his main priority now He said that we've been together for a long time and he wants to settle down some day but, he wants to enjoy life while he's young. He suggested we take a break and that if its meant to be it will be................is this just a line and what he really means is he wants to go hook up with other girls and we're over for good??
Apologises for any whining you may detect from this

who007

I'm sorry but yes - from your description - it does sound like that. To me anyway.

ogriofa

obviously don't have much info to go on but...

I wouldnt say he's defo wanting to go on the pull. This could be one of those things that he regrets. You don't sound like a thundering farthead , you come across quite reasonable here.

Mr. Incognito

sounds like he's taking you for granted.

I'd cut contact for a week or two, watch his reaction change when he cops on and sees you taking him up on his offer.

LegacyUser

a thundering farthead??? haha im loving that saying!
its hard to cut contact though in over three years we've been together haven't not talked to him for oneday.
its good advice though.................but im worried he may like the distance and you know realise i ain't what he wants or mayb find someone better

Nitxteha

I don't want to insult your boyfriend, but there's a name for that. What he's basically saying is: let me sleep around with other girls, compare and see if I find something better, otherwise I'll stay with you.

I would be very mad if I were in your situation. He may have someone already lined up, I'm afraid, and he just doesn't want to cheat on you and feel guilty. If it doesnt work out, he'll go back to you (that is the translation of: "if it's meant t be").

I really hope I'm wrong

LegacyUser

Well seen as i was lined up when he was with his last girlfriend.............i think you might be right.
All his friends appear to be cheating around too do you think he feels left out??

bluecell99

yes he feels left out as you say and tied down.He's just not at the maturity stage in terms of a relationship and you must take your lead from that.

username123

Unregistered wrote: »

Well seen as i was lined up when he was with his last girlfriend.............i think you might be right.
All his friends appear to be cheating around too do you think he feels left out??

Think you have all the answers you need in that post eh?

A man is often known by the company he keeps - if he thinks its ok for his friends to be cheating around, then he probably thinks its ok for him to as well......

Smellyirishman

Unregistered wrote: »

is this just a line and what he really means is he wants to go hook up with other girls

Yes.

Unregistered wrote: »

and we're over for good??

No. He'll be back if he can't find anything better/once his urges are satisfied.

seanybiker

Thundering farthead ha ha I love it.



In my opinion this 'go on a break' thing is just an excuse for casual sex without feeling guilty.
The break might work for some people but thats how I see it.
You dont sound like a thundering farthead so I'm sure you could find someone else no bother. I dont honestly think this is over though. As you said, ye are young and he probably just wants to go get pissed and have a mad night with the lads. He should make time for yourself though. He might be a bit of a farthead but I dont think he is a thundering one though. Its upto you what happens in the end so best of luck with what you choose.

LegacyUser

Hay,,
I was reading yr post... m iv kinda been in the same situation except I was the onewho choose my mates over my boyfriend..:( silly thing .. from yr story i feel he got a sense of frredom and he liked it ..
In my case we broke up but after a while I reaslised what a mistake I made we talked it over and got bck together:)
we both find alot of time for each other and for friends too:).. maybe use can both have specific time for friends and for each other or go out wit him:D:D

LegacyUser

OP here
Thanks guys for all ur comments.cant really talk to my friends or anyone bout it cause feel embarassed, so you guys are a godsend to me.I've spent years with this guy and now i find out he's potentially thinking about hooking up with other girls.....when all along i only thought he wanted me.
I feel so embarassed like im getting dumped for a bunch of lads, i was around way before many of these lads. Someone suggested going out with him but, thats not possible mainly cause im not invited and also because i get told off by the lads for interupting their boys night.
If he meets someone else someone better.......which prob wont be hard........i dunno what i'll do
Also, another question can texting an ex ever be truly innocent??
Once again love to all you guys for helping.

SarahSassy

OP the best (and the hardest) thing you can do is disappear now for a while until he comes looking and he will come looking - they always do...

I would think that his friends have his mind filled with not being settled down but once he realises all the looneys that are out there he will appreciate what he had... If it suits you WHEN this happens then go back with him. The 'trick' to this is to disappear and not be needy, clingy and / or appear to be interested. Its very difficuly and you will need to put in an Oscar winning performance but its the only way it will work..

If you keep on calling / texting him etc it will only perpetuate his 'trapped / settled' feelings....

Get busy with girlfrends and get out and try and have some fun,

F1ngers

Unregistered wrote: »

a thundering farthead??? haha im loving that saying!
its hard to cut contact though in over three years we've been together haven't not talked to him for oneday.
its good advice though.................but im worried he may like the distance and you know realise i ain't what he wants or mayb find someone better

There is also a possibility that you'll find someone better...

LegacyUser

OP here,
I am still texting the guy its more out of habit really..............i think my worst fear is a loss of contact......at least while im talking to him i know whats happening like you know??
but, to potentially win him back are you saying my best option is to ignore him and distance myself from him for a while and he'll come back?

LegacyUser

Yes i think ur best option is to wait until he realises his mistake and comes crawling back. Dont text him let him do the running