Girlfriend Trouble

LegacyUser

Bit of background info...Im 26, going out with my GF for 6 yrs, own homeowners etc.. both good jobs , no real money worries. im not the worst looking and she's good looking!! We get on great, both love each other.. you get the idea

Problem is sex isnt much fun, shes never into sexy underware, roll play, she never really comes on to me, i always have to make the 1st move, shed never do anything to try turn me on. Cant even rememnber the last time we would of had sex after a night out or anyrhing like that l. it always seems to be a quick one in the morning and thats it. If i every tried to come on to during the day or anything she just push me away

Whemn we started going out at 1st thing were a bit better but now its a joke!!

To be honest its extreemly dull.. Have mentioned it before and said what i like etc but i just ends ina row, i work long hours so when Im off a row is the last thing i want so now i just dont bother saying anything.....

I have a very a high sex drive and like a bit of adventure but this is killing me.. In 6yrs I have never so much as kissed another girl but I'm really thinking of being with somwone else as why should I live my life just to acomodate someone else....

I know it might sound a abit selfish but thats how i feel... any ideas???????

Cheers

LegacyUser

hi there, i just think that after a while in a relationship things slow down a bit. You could break up , find another girl and after a few years you would find yourself in the same position. Im a girl and in the same situation in that i dont have the sex drive i had when we first met, and he initiates things now a lot more than me, but its not because i dont fancy him anymore- i actually dont know why im like that . Is there something in particular that turns her on that you know of? it could help a lot to incorporate that in your sex life ?

bluecell99

Sexual incompatibility is one of the greatest threats to and difficulties in many relationships.This is the crux here.You have spoken to her without sufficient response.The key is to whether its a recent phenomenon or has it been the case all along but ,because everything was ok,you went along with it for the quiet life.

If in your heart of hearts you dont see this changing then you must decide whether you can live with the status quo wherby your sexual needs re largely unfulfilled.

All I can say for definite is that a high sex drive does not just diminish and invariably ends up as a relationship breaker.Some people put the other aspects of the partnership on a higher level and they are prepared to put up with it.For many this is impossible.

I would again discuss the issue and try to stress how important it is to you.But be prepared for disappointment.

Ultimately I feel its your decision and is a difficult one.Would like to hear its working out.

shellyboo

Unregistered wrote: »

I have a very a high sex drive and like a bit of adventure but this is killing me.. In 6yrs I have never so much as kissed another girl but I'm really thinking of being with somwone else as why should I live my life just to acomodate someone else....

I know it might sound a abit selfish but thats how i feel... any ideas???????

It sounds like she just has a low sex drive, whereas yours is normal/high - the way you say it used to be 'a bit better' at the start... that's warning bells. It suggests you were never really happy with the level of sex but you put up with it because of other factors.

Now the sex has dried up and you've realised that those other factors aren't enough to compensate for the lack of a sex life. Are you selfish for feeling this? Not at all. But cheating on your gf is not the answer - that's beyond low.

You need to talk to her properly. Don't throw accusations and don't be telling her what it is you like - that won't get you anywhere, it'll come off as really selfish. You need to be telling her how important sex is to you, how you feel it has to be part of a relationship. Tell her (if you think she won't go too bonkers) that the lack of sex has even made you think about cheating. She needs to realise how much of an issue this is, that your relationship is in danger because of the state of your sex life.

One of two things will happen: she'll promise to change, she'll make an effort and things will get better. It sounds like she'll never have the sex drive you want her to though, so you need to be prepared to compromise. Tell her how many times a week you'd like to be having sex, ask her how many times she'd like to be, settle on a figure in the middle and aim for that.

The other thing that could happen is that she'll promise to change, but nothing will change: and that's when you need to decide how much of a priority this is to you - basically you're going to have to choose, sex or your gf. And unless you can commit yourself to a lifetime of not enough sex, you have to break up with her.

AskYerMa

Hi, its me who posted the original post.... I've tried talking about it dozens of times but its just round and round in circles, i didnt really mean i'd cheat on her, thats a horrible thing to do, i wouldn't have it in me to do it, I think that this problem is destroying if not destroyed our relationship, its gotten to a point now that I just cant be bothered myself any more, Last week i made an extra effort to make her feel good, told her how much i loved her, gave her a kiss every morning as i went to work, left little notes lying around saying i love you and how well she was looking these days, so last friday she text me saying she was leaving her friends and on her way, be home in 5 mins so i replied.. "o.k cool, do you fancy a bit of fun" the responce i got was.. " be a bit difficult when i'm here and you're there " and she never turned up untill she knew id of left for football training!! I just cant be arse anymore, is there anything i can do, i know it sounds like shes with someone else but trust me shes not, there's not a bad bone in her body. shes such a nice girl thats whats making it so hard and why i dont want to end it..

peekyboo

Unregistered wrote: »

hi there, i just think that after a while in a relationship things slow down a bit. You could break up , find another girl and after a few years you would find yourself in the same position. Im a girl and in the same situation in that i dont have the sex drive i had when we first met, and he initiates things now a lot more than me, but its not because i dont fancy him anymore- i actually dont know why im like that . Is there something in particular that turns her on that you know of? it could help a lot to incorporate that in your sex life ?

Not sure I would agree with this. I'm a girl in much the same situation as the OP and I definitely have the same sex drive as when I first started going out with my boyfriend. He is the one who wants sex a lot less than me. I have every sympathy for you OP, I am very frustrated myself and question my own relationship because of this. I would kill for a boyfriend like you to text and say would you fancy a bit of fun! I have no solution - if you find one, please let me know!

Just wanted to say I am in the same boat!

shellyboo

AskYerMa wrote: »

Hi, its me who posted the original post.... I've tried talking about it dozens of times but its just round and round in circles, i didnt really mean i'd cheat on her, thats a horrible thing to do, i wouldn't have it in me to do it, I think that this problem is destroying if not destroyed our relationship, its gotten to a point now that I just cant be bothered myself any more, Last week i made an extra effort to make her feel good, told her how much i loved her, gave her a kiss every morning as i went to work, left little notes lying around saying i love you and how well she was looking these days, so last friday she text me saying she was leaving her friends and on her way, be home in 5 mins so i replied.. "o.k cool, do you fancy a bit of fun" the responce i got was.. " be a bit difficult when i'm here and you're there " and she never turned up untill she knew id of left for football training!! I just cant be arse anymore, is there anything i can do, i know it sounds like shes with someone else but trust me shes not, there's not a bad bone in her body. shes such a nice girl thats whats making it so hard and why i dont want to end it..

So you still haven't actually talked to her about it?

Nothing's going to change unless you do, OP. By not saying anything you're giving her the impression that everything's ok, when it's obviously not ok for you. That's hugely unfair on her because you're not giving her a chance to fix it.

Talk to her.

SarahSassy

AskYerMa wrote: »

Last week i made an extra effort to make her feel good, told her how much i loved her, gave her a kiss every morning as i went to work, left little notes lying around saying i love you and how well she was looking these days

Do you ever do this for her when you are not looking for jiggy-jiggy?

shellyboo

SarahSassy wrote: »

Do you ever do this for her when you are not looking for jiggy-jiggy?

I dunno about you, Sarah, but in a relationship I'm pretty much always looking for jiggy-jiggy. That doesn't mean the nice things I do are only so that I get some.

I think the OP was genuinely trying to make his gf feel more valued and secure... that sort of stuff matters to women when it comes to sex.

Oh The Humanity

AskYerMa wrote: »

Hi, its me who posted the original post.... I've tried talking about it dozens of times but its just round and round in circles, i didnt really mean i'd cheat on her, thats a horrible thing to do, i wouldn't have it in me to do it, I think that this problem is destroying if not destroyed our relationship, its gotten to a point now that I just cant be bothered myself any more, Last week i made an extra effort to make her feel good, told her how much i loved her, gave her a kiss every morning as i went to work, left little notes lying around saying i love you and how well she was looking these days, so last friday she text me saying she was leaving her friends and on her way, be home in 5 mins so i replied.. "o.k cool, do you fancy a bit of fun" the responce i got was.. " be a bit difficult when i'm here and you're there " and she never turned up untill she knew id of left for football training!! I just cant be arse anymore, is there anything i can do, i know it sounds like shes with someone else but trust me shes not, there's not a bad bone in her body. shes such a nice girl thats whats making it so hard and why i dont want to end it..

She has only herself to blame if you end it.

What does she expect? You to remain a Monk forever......?

Her actions are the actions of someone who doesn't care.

Shivers26

6 Years is a long time to be invested in a relationship. If you love this girl and you see a future with her then communication is the key.

Would you consider counselling?

The main thing is that you listen to one another and take on board each others feelings.

I know sometimes my own sex drive can very a bit if im stressed or tired but we do try to make the effort for each other.
The role play and dressing up will only come if she has confidence in herself.

Wagon

AskYerMa wrote: »

Last week i made an extra effort to make her feel good, told her how much i loved her, gave her a kiss every morning as i went to work, left little notes lying around saying i love you and how well she was looking these days, so last friday she text me saying she was leaving her friends and on her way, be home in 5 mins so i replied.. "o.k cool, do you fancy a bit of fun" the responce i got was.. " be a bit difficult when i'm here and you're there " and she never turned up untill she knew id of left for football training!! I just cant be arse anymore, is there anything i can do, i know it sounds like shes with someone else but trust me shes not, there's not a bad bone in her body. shes such a nice girl thats whats making it so hard and why i dont want to end it..

Well you tried. If i was you, I'd give up and leave her. You're not a feckin priest.

chillywilly

have a proper chat with her, tell her it is really bothering you and if she doesnt understand then its up to you if you can stay with her with out all the action

AskYerMa

peekyboo wrote: »

Not sure I would agree with this. I'm a girl in much the same situation as the OP and I definitely have the same sex drive as when I first started going out with my boyfriend. He is the one who wants sex a lot less than me. I have every sympathy for you OP, I am very frustrated myself and question my own relationship because of this. I would kill for a boyfriend like you to text and say would you fancy a bit of fun! I have no solution - if you find one, please let me know!

Just wanted to say I am in the same boat!

i'd kill for a GF like you who'd appriciate something like that, makes me feel a bit better that im not some sort of a sex fiend or being over demanding!!
Thanks!!!

Of course i dont just do this when im looking for jiggy jiggy..... im not that shollow, I use to do litle things like this all the time!!!


Anyway I have tried taliking about it dozens of times but it just ends up in row, i work shift work so i work long hours so the last thing i want after 12 hours work is a row or a row on my days off!!!!!

I dontt hink councelling would help.. maybe this is just the way she is...??

Its not as easy as that jus to end it as there is property and a big ass mortgage involved so neither of us could buy the other out etc... i think the only way is to just put up with it and make to most of what happens if and when it does...

I just dont ****in' know!!!