Confusing messages from my boyfriend..help

LegacyUser

hey
just hoping for some advice on this cos i dont know what to do.
Been together with my boyfriend for a yr and a half, but recently he went to live abroad and for various reasons i wont get into i can't go...at least not for a while.
Had he a choice, he would have stayed here for me (thats what he says anyway). Since being abroad however, he still says he loves me but that he needs time to think about our relationship. Yet we are still together as boyf and girlfriend.

Im confused as to what to do. I feel like our relationship is entirely in his hands, and that im just sitting here on tenterhooks waiting for him to decide. It doesnt feel like a very equal relationship right now.

Should i give him time to decide? If so how long? Is this a sign that he wants to break up but doesnt know how. Should i break up with him and continue my life so that im not waiting around for him to make the decision?

Im confused as to how he can say he loves me and wants to be together, but at the same time needs time to decide how he feels?? isnt that a contradiction?

Sorry for all the questions, i just dont know what to do and dont have anyone else to talk to about it at the moment.

fuzzywiggle

Easy for me to say but i'd let him go. You can't sit around and wait for him to decide but I'd say that's exactly what he wants you to do. Sit and wait while he's abroad having a good time for himself.

What time does he need to think about the relationship for? He lives in another country, can't he think about it all the time, it's not as if you're in his face 24/7.

I'd tell him good luck.

Redpunto

Tell him to go f*** himself, or maybe put it a bit nicer.

Does he expect you to sit around until he gets his "head" straight??? Thats a load of bull. Either he wants to be with you or he doesnt, dont waste your time - cut your losses and find someone who knows they want to be with you.

Vanbis

fuzzywiggle wrote: »

Easy for me to say but i'd let him go. You can't sit around and wait for him to decide but I'd say that's exactly what he wants you to do. Sit and wait while he's abroad having a good time for himself.

What time does he need to think about the relationship for? He lives in another country, can't he think about it all the time, it's not as if you're in his face 24/7.

I'd tell him good luck.

I agree, your waiting on his decision but what happens if he decides best to be friends and finish with you? Where does that leave you, how you feel with that? I honestly think if he is off enjoying himself so much and he wont have to think.

You need to finish with him and stop putting your life on hold for someone that is thousands of miles away who doesnt seem to care about your feelings at the moment.

LegacyUser

Hi, OP here
...thanks for the replies.
Its what ive been thinking i should do, but tbh i was hoping someone would give me reasons not to lol...cos its not easy to break up with him. Things were great before he left, and apart from being apart, nothing else has changed. So i dont know why he is being like this. We even lived together.

But what everyone has said so far makes sense

who007

Was in a situation recently where I was seeing someone who wanted space etc. after a row. Couldn't decide if she should stay with me or not etc. etc. I gave her time to think about it and as weeks went by I was no closer to knowing anything. I started spending more time with a female friend that I've had for a while and one thing led to another. Now, after not hearing from the 1st girl for weeks at a time - and even at that it was only a textor two every weekend - she has copped that I am with someone else and now wants me back. But the thing is, I have realised that anyone who feels they can put me down and pick me back up like a toy to play with when they want isn't the person I want to be with. Whether things work out with my friend or not. Maybe similarly, if you just start getting on with plans for your future without your boyfriend he will have to come to a decision about how to treat your relationship. I don't mean going out and shagging someone else or anything. I just mean make plans that don't involve him. Genuinely engage yourself in what makes you happy in your life and let him know subtly that you are not gonna wait around forever and are willing to move on and then don't just wait and see; get on with life and someday soon he may realise what he's missing.

LegacyUser

Kick him to the kerb. Sounds like he is prob off experimenting abroad with other girls and wants to leave you at home wondering what's going on while he sorts his head out. It's a very selfish thing for him to do and you shouldn't have to put up with it.

Tell him your moving on with your life, and his reaction should say it all.