House mate issue

Blue_Wolf

Housemate and best friend of 7 years.

We lived together fulltime for a good while and never had any issues. He's a sales rep and travels. His company told him that either take redundancy or move down to Kerry. He took the move but his girlfriend is 10min drive from my house. So I offered him to stay the weekends in mine for 120euro per month including utility bills.
This means that nobody can touch his room monday-friday. But I want to do this as a favour so he can see herself.

This has only been going on for 5weeks now. He comes up on a friday evening and leaves Monday morning (5am) so technically 3 days per week.
I always make sure the house is spotless on Friday for when he comes home.
He doesn't do any cleaning at all over the weekend, I don't mean household stuff like cleaning the shower, or mop the floor or hoover the sitting room.
He leaves on Monday and leaves washing up there and doesn't clean the shower after himself.

I washed his dishes and was kind of annoyed, he came up the next weekend, had pizza and left the pizza boxes in the sitting room, I cleaned up again and threw it in the bin.
Next weekend came up again and same again pizza boxes. This time I didnt clean up, he came up the 4th weekend and had the pizza boxes again.
He also smokes and I let him smoke in the other sitting room and he doesnt clean the ash trays either.
I don't like argueing so yesterday when he was out doing something i got the 2 weeks of pizza boxes and placed them outside his bedroom door as a sign that oh ya I never cleaned up last weekend.

What happens? He comes home and goes mad at me for not throwing them in the bin and that I was just going out of my way to annoy him. I also forgot to clean the shower before he came up and he went mad at the shower not being spotless.
How hypocritical is that? I lost the plot with him and chewed off his head.

I told him about the other weeks, to which he responded I used to clean when I lived here. So what than he doesn't need to anymore??

Was I wrong to leave the pizza boxes outside his room as a simple (so I thought) message. Just did it to avoid having to argue which totally backfired

Kimia

What you should do is hire a cleaner and then up his 120 to 150+ a month including bills. Screw that!

He's not cleaning because he thinks it's like a hotel. Charge him for it!

humanji

Just tell him that he cleans up after himself or he gets somewhere else to stay. It's that simple.

Blue_Wolf

Kimia wrote: »

What you should do is hire a cleaner and then up his 120 to 150+ a month including bills. Screw that!

He's not cleaning because he thinks it's like a hotel. Charge him for it!

30euro for a cleaner sounds fine when your living there fulltime, but 30euro to just take his pizza boxes out isn't really worthy of it.
It's annoying though especially his attitude, im letting him live there at the weekends and losing money on a fulltimer living there and

girlbiker

You've been friends for seven years, how bout sit down and have a chat about it?? If you got on well before I'm sure you can work it out, let him know your doing him a favour and he needs to clean up just like he used to. He might be irritable and under stress due to his job loss but its no excuse when you've gone out of your way to be nice. Talk to him!

Craft25

Blue_Wolf wrote: »

I don't like argueing so yesterday when he was out doing something i got the 2 weeks of pizza boxes and placed them outside his bedroom door as a sign

BOO to you!! that's a terrible way to behave with someone you know for seven years!! if you have something to say then SAY it!! with words, like you know:from your mouth!!

"i don't like argueing" tut tut, what a cop out!

So disrespectful, i'd be furious with you!! Whereas if you'd have talked to me it'd be sorted instantly.

Alot of people think this is a way to behave, i just don't get it! Trying hints & signals, ridiculous!

Blue_Wolf

Craft25 wrote: »

BOO to you!! that's a terrible way to behave with someone you know for seven years!! if you have something to say then SAY it!! with words, like you know:from your mouth!!

I did leave out the fact that I've had chats with him before in the past when he lived with me fulltime and it ended up in arguements hense why I tried to use a different approach.

You say that's a terrible way to behave when I've known him for 7years yet I don't think anyone else would let their mate live in a double room for that price.
Get your priorities in check. If your not going to leave helpful advice than stay off this thread.

Blue_Wolf

girlbiker wrote: »

You've been friends for seven years, how bout sit down and have a chat about it?? If you got on well before I'm sure you can work it out, let him know your doing him a favour and he needs to clean up just like he used to. He might be irritable and under stress due to his job loss but its no excuse when you've gone out of your way to be nice. Talk to him!

Have tried that approach and he ended up ignoring me for 2weeks over it. Sometimes I feel that it's easier to tell him to leave than put up with it but I don't want to make life harder for him. He hasn't lost his job and he is happy in Kerry and has no stress. He just does not act well towards confrontation. Ignores text messages and when i ring him he just says oh I have someone ringing me, I'll call you back. Face to Face ends up in an arguement.

That is why I tried signal approach.

Blue_Wolf

Craft25 wrote: »

"i don't like argueing" tut tut, what a cop out!

So disrespectful, i'd be furious with you!!

Disrespectful? That's what I would say about his behaviour.

Not wanting to argue is a cop out? You must be a horrible person to live with and have some issues of your own.

puglover

Have tried that approach and he ended up ignoring me for 2weeks over it. Sometimes I feel that it's easier to tell him to leave than put up with it but I don't want to make life harder for him. He hasn't lost his job and he is happy in Kerry and has no stress. He just does not act well towards confrontation. Ignores text messages and when i ring him he just says oh I have someone ringing me, I'll call you back. Face to Face ends up in an arguement.

That is why I tried signal approach.

Blue_Wolf did you want advice or just someone to tell you what you want to hear?

I agree with Craft25. Thats a ridiculously immature & patronising way to deal with an issue. You have a problem, you sit down and have a chat. Jaysus if you can't approach the man after living together 7 years there is seriously something wrong.

And btw, sounds like the real issue is you've changed your mind about letting him rent the room for that price. Should've thought of that before hand.

Blue_Wolf

No it's not that I have changed my mind, if he acts like this than yes but if he's just normal than I wouldn't have a problem.
I have exausted all options, talking, ringing, texting, they don't work, like I have said. I used this approach to see if it would work as the others didn't.

I'm looking for constructive advice, not name calling.

cantdecide

I agree with Craft25 mate. Forget grandiose gestures.

Having a chat is one thing. Gently persuading is another. What you need to do is give him a semi-ultimatum.

Like 'Just so there's no confusion- I think you're treating this place like a hotel and I've tried to reason with you but I'm saying it here and now- you are only renting a room from me. If you're not prepared to treat me like like a human being and not your servant, I'll have to have another look at our arrangement'.

shellyboo

Blue_Wolf wrote: »

Was I wrong to leave the pizza boxes outside his room as a simple (so I thought) message. Just did it to avoid having to argue which totally backfired

Yeah, you were wrong. It's a fairly petty thing to do, point-scoring really. Like, the effort it would have taken you to put them outside his room, you could easily have just put them in the bin.

Blue_Wolf wrote: »

He doesn't do any cleaning at all over the weekend, I don't mean household stuff like cleaning the shower, or mop the floor or hoover the sitting room.
He leaves on Monday and leaves washing up there and doesn't clean the shower after himself.

I washed his dishes and was kind of annoyed, he came up the next weekend, had pizza and left the pizza boxes in the sitting room, I cleaned up again and threw it in the bin.
Next weekend came up again and same again pizza boxes. This time I didnt clean up, he came up the 4th weekend and had the pizza boxes again.
He also smokes and I let him smoke in the other sitting room and he doesnt clean the ash trays either.
I don't like argueing so yesterday when he was out doing something i got the 2 weeks of pizza boxes and placed them outside his bedroom door as a sign that oh ya I never cleaned up last weekend.

What happens? He comes home and goes mad at me for not throwing them in the bin and that I was just going out of my way to annoy him. I also forgot to clean the shower before he came up and he went mad at the shower not being spotless.
How hypocritical is that? I lost the plot with him and chewed off his head.

I told him about the other weeks, to which he responded I used to clean when I lived here. So what than he doesn't need to anymore??

You did actually go out of your way to annoy him.

However, he's completely out of line. Yes, you handled it badly - but he's in the wrong here.

If I were in your position, I'd sit down with him and say, "I don't expect you to clean the house, but I do expect you to clean up after yourself. This is not a hotel, I do not provide maid service. If you don't want to have to worry about cleaning, I can look into getting a cleaner; but I'd be adding the cost to your rent. If neither of those options suit, then you'll have to move out."

There's nothing more you can do.

Blue_Wolf

That's constructive advice.

Craft25 could have asked have you tried talking to him instead of the gestures which I would have replied yes. Instead of attacking like that.

Perhaps an ultimatum would be the answer.

cantdecide wrote: »

I agree with Craft25 mate. Forget grandiose gestures.

Having a chat is one thing. Gently persuading is another. What you need to do is give him a semi-ultimatum.

Like 'Just so there's no confusion- I think you're treating this place like a hotel and I've tried to reason with you but I'm saying it here and now- you are only renting a room from me. If you're not prepared to treat me like like a human being and not your servant, I'll have to have another look at our arrangement'.

Nitxteha

That arrangement was very nice of you but he may see it differently: he's paying two rents and travelling all the time, no time for cleaning in either place.

If you want to keep him as a friend, tell him you need to rent his room full time because you need the money. Tell him he can stay sometime as a visit (just like any other friend).

Blue_Wolf

Thanks, I'll see if I can mend things otherwise will go down that road.