"Relationship" Advice

picklocks

I met this guy on an online forum and we hit it off fairly. After months of observing his posts, I finally private messaged him and we started talking. (One topic was about how neither of us have been in relationships before. I just came out recently to selected people. He is still in the closet in real life.) The conversation moved to MSN and I suggested we meet up and it was great. I enjoyed his company.

I spoke to him on MSN a week after and had the most amazing conversation that only ended after many hours. I flirted with him a little in a joking way. Implicit in our conversation was the fact that we would meet up again. Not just from my end, but also his. The subsequent couple conversations were more muted, and shorter. And now he's avoiding me on MSN. When I sign in, he signs out, or appears offline.

Another thing to note is that I'm always the one initiating the chat. But we chat for a long time about many things, so it's not as though he hated talking to me. At least not until recently.

Why is this happening? If he's not interested in me romantically or sexually, it's OK. I like him as a person and would be delighted just to be friends.

the_syco

picklocks wrote: »

He is still in the closet in real life.

picklocks wrote: »

Not just from my end, but also his. The subsequent couple conversations were more muted, and shorter. And now he's avoiding me on MSN. When I sign in, he signs out, or appears offline.

Sounds like the dude is not ready to come out yet.

picklocks

That could be a reason. What should I do now?

the_syco

Dunno. Wait a few days, and see what the gay/bi folks say, as they may have had some experience with similar happenings with lads & ladies who aren't out. NEVER EVER out someone, though. Dude may not be ready, due to family, etc.

bluecell99

picklocks wrote: »

That could be a reason. What should I do now?

Sorry to hear this but is extremely common.Chances are he is messaging and meeting other guys.Its new to him,a big new world and he doesnt really take others feelings into account.Happens all the time.No obvious explanation and head wrecking stuff to be sure.Its just pure luck that you would actually meet someone genuine who would tell the truth - as in you are not his type or whatever.

I think the internet has made it easier for the messers to string people along.

All you can do is chalk it down.It will happen again and again. know from experience.I e mailed a couple of guys from here who were looking for advice and friendship and they had'nt even the decency to respond.Get used to it.

Hopefully you will be one of the tiny minority who meets someone genuine early on and enjoy things together.Dont despair.Try not to wear your heart on your sleeve.There are decent guys but very,veey hard to meet them.

picklocks

No, no. I'm certain this is not the case with him. First of all, we met as friends, not on a date, even though I found him intellectually attractive already.

We still exchange messages. And are "friends" on Facebook.

Mainly he gets uncomfortable when the conversation becomes more personal. The Syco's assessment is probably closer to the truth.

anotherlostie

Why not message him and tell him what you feel, as outlined here? That you seem to initiate all the conversation, and you've noticed a coolness of late, despite how well you've been getting on. The worst that can happen is that he confirms this, and then you know it's time to move on.

Rick_

Sadly that happens, some aren't ready to come out and are only finding their feet and other times the other person came come on too strong and it is too much for the other guy to handle at that moment in time. (I found out I was being too forward in a conversation not long ago and the other guy ended up not wanting to talk with me any more as I scared him).

I have also recently had a 6 hour convo on MSN with a guy from the Boards and we got on very well, sadly due to the distance between us, meeting up or ever having a physical friendship/relationship is unlikely. We still chat on MSN, but it's just friendly chat which I suppose is better than nothing. It's just annoying and frustrating, especially when you really get on well, but these things happen, unfortunatly.

Nothing can be done about it, whichever way it goes the other person usually decides to end it there and then either due to fear of being outed or you being full on with them again and you scare them into hiding.

The best thing as said would be just to maybe e-mail him and lay out how you feel. If he doesn't respond then it's best to leave him alone, but if he does it will at least let you know where he is coming from and where things stand between you. Good luck.

Reflector

send a short mail, just saying you'd like to be mates and sure if he fancies heading out some time get in touch. don't push it just let it be known and then leave it with him. Likely that he's just freaked out a bit.