First few steps

gnu

I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this but this board and the A&A boards are the ones that resonate most with me.

I feel like I'm starting off on something and thought I'd post, partly to clarify my thoughts and partly to get any advice or feedback. I've noticed that there are others like me at the start of their journey and others further along so hopefully I'll get a nice mix of views.

I was brought up Catholic and believed devoutly till my my early 20s. I suppose the whole divinity thing seems unlikely to me but I I only thought about it sporadically over the years (am now 38). I believe Jesus existed and he seems like a good role model but I reject so many Christian teachings and don't believe that the Bible is the word of God so I can't call myself one. It still feels like a big deal for me to say "I'm not a Christian" and I hesitate on forms etc.

Morality has always been very important to me but I guess as I've got older I'm more tolerant of difference. I try to live up to my own expectations but accept everyone has their own ideas of how to live. I want to live my life the best way I can and be kind to others and try to improve the world as much as I can, peacefully. I want to be grateful for all I've got and make the most of my life.

My Mum died last year and it really got me thinking about Life, Death and the Universe. What was there before the Big Bang, when did I become me, what was it that made my Mum 'Mum' and what was gone from her when I sat with her body after she died? Was she in heaven? Was it just a physical change - electrical energy etc gone?

I've noticed that I still pray when I'm worried or frightened or especially happy and grateful but I'm not sure if it's to a particular person/entity.

Figuring out what life's all about (very Monty Python ) and finding a "home" for my sense of spirituality is important to me. I've always found bits of most religions I liked and have been happy to cobble together my own beliefs but I find myself wanting to learn more deeply now, particularly about Buddhism as it's the only philosophy (that I know of so far) that hasn't got bits I fundamentally disagree with. There's a lot I like about it - especially compassion and tolerance.

After hearing the Dalai Lama speak years ago (I think he's incredible and love his approach - plus he always makes me smile), I read a bit about Buddhism and thought that it sounded wonderful but 3 things bothered me. I struggle with the idea of reincarnation, I had always been ok with animals being killed for food and I thought I could never subscribe to something that meant I shouldn't lash into my pints whenever I took the notion

I suppose now I'm feeling a bit differently: reincarnation I just don't know about but am thinking about a lot as well as all the other possibilities when we die. I'm struggling with the idea of eating 'unhappy meat' and am considering becoming vegetarian or at least reducing the amount of meat I eat so that I can afford to buy free range/organic. As a by the by, I'm trying hard to be 'greener' as I feel I've a responsibility to do my bit and even my small changes will make a difference. And getting drunk isn't the be all and and end all for me so that's not a deal-breaker.

The idea of attachment being a cause of suffering helped me deal with the recent break-up of my marriage. I want to learn more about these ideas.

So those are my thoughts so far. I want to think more and and find out more so I'd love any input or suggestions.

I'm also interested in meditation - I've read several posts here and other websites but I'm still not quite sure what to "do".

If you made it this far, thanks for reading!

Akos01

I hear you my man, its good to find something that makes sense! Im new on this track also, I think its ok just too take the parts that make sense too you.

meditation is something I have found interesting, I can see how it could work. I would like to get a better handle on my own mind, understand it better you know?

Asiaprod

Hi gnu and welcome. You raise a lot of interesting points in your post. I am a little busy with family stuff this weekend so I will post back to your questions on Monday. Have a nice weekend.
Asia

MeditationMom

Hello gnu and welcome to our little community here. Your loss of Mum and marriage must be quite a blow - to the heart, the mind...enough to make anyone think about the deeper and higher things.

As far as what to do about meditation - it is all about what not to do, and not doing anything for a few moments - as many moments as you can manage. It is so foreign to us and yet it is our most natural state. Relaxing and enjoying without the help of a drink, so to speak. You'll find it so easy you'll think - nah - that can't be all there's to it - and then like all of us - you'll make it more complicated. But - we're all here to help

gnu

Hi and thanks for all your replies.

Akos, I agree- I also want to examine what's going on in my mind. I suspect there's far too much 'noise' in my mind most of the time.

Asiaprod - thank you. I'm sure I'll have plenty more questions as I go along!

MediationMom - great name! Thank you. You have a lovely easy to understand way of putting things. Yes, it's been a really tough year and made me question everything. Although I love my Mum and ex dearly, both relationships were difficult and took a lot of energy and it's only since losing these 2 wonderful important people, albeit in different ways, that I have felt I've the emotional energy to tackle the ideas that have been floating around the back of my mind for years.

I've had moments that I'm wondering if they might be meditation, or something like it. When I'm walking or in the shower and suddenly something crystallises in my mind and I get a new profound insight into something. But then I notice it and I'm back to the usual flow of thoughts and internal dialogue.

I've started reading the Tibetan Book of Living and Dying. I'm finding it really interesting but I'm taking it very slowly, am only on chapter 3 I think.

So far it's struck me that I'm not sure if I agree with the author that there is anything after we die. That's a topic I'm exploring. And even if there is, I don't want to be good because of what happens after I die - I want to be good just because I think it's the right thing here and now.

Anyway, thank you again for your replies. I'll be reading the threads here with interest and no doubt will be back with questions.

bou

Sorry to hear about your losses. I find it inspiring to hear how you seem to work positively with your situation. I was particularly inspired by your aspiration to be grateful for all that you find good and happy in your life. We often take good things for granted, want more of them, and get angry when they aren't there anymore. Impermanence and change upsets us.

Here is something about reincarnation what I just thunk up. Sadly, it doesn't rhyme very well.
The here and now is where we are.
The here after is something later.
Hear and learn about the now.
Then later on the after is less dafter.

I think what I'm trying to say is try work with the teachings you find reasonable and applicable in the current moment. Look at what the teachings are saying about how we experience life and try to apply what they suggest to see how it works for you.

Without even considering reincarnation, you can look at how our perceptions are molded by habit and how the way we perceive and act bring about conditions for our future experiences, all within this lifetime. For example, if you're only ever worried about yourself and paranoid about what others think of you, this will have an effect on how others treat you and what things will come up in your life.

The Buddha said something like, "If you want to know about your past, look at your present condition. If you want to know about your future, look at your current actions".

I think it is very much focused on the present moment, not even tomorrow, let alone another lifetime. Its about letting go of self-centeredness in our perceptions and actions in this moment since this self-centeredness clouds our perception of how things really are.

Drinking is very enjoyable for a few hours. The next day is awful, particularly as you get older. I think we (by this I mean I myself) can form a strong dependence on drink to give us a pleasant feeling and make us less inhibited. Unfortunately, it also fogs our mind and makes us a bit stupid. Have you ever been the sober person on a night out with a bunch of drunk people? Drink makes us less inhibited but it also makes us more careless of our thoughts, emotions and actions. Have you ever cringed the next day? I think the dependence on drink for enjoyment and relaxation is like other dependences - something external that we latch onto to give satisfaction. The teachings say that the real lasting relaxation, happiness and satisfaction is to be found only through understanding the mind and being in the moment free of self.

gnu

Bou, thanks for your reply and for your kind wishes. Your post is encouraging and thought-provoking. I like your poem - I think I understand what you are saying and I suppose that's what I've been doing to some degree but I'm starting to feel that it's a valid approach whereas I felt a bit of a fraud before.

I'm very interested in what you say about how habit moulds us and our perceptions. By coincidence I'd been thinking along those lines recently. I was at a funeral Mass and found myself reverting to ideas of heaven, God and Catholicism generally. Now don't get me wrong, I have nothing against Christianity but when I question my beliefs it just doesn't stand up and I realise it's just habit, not my genuine belief.

I was watching a science documentary about the nature of the universe and during the course of it, I had a fleeting feeling/belief that reincarnation is true. I was trying to figure out what my view is of life, the universe, everything. I felt that I had a glimpse at the ultimate reality and reincarnation fitted into my entire world view and made sense but then I lost it! I'm trying to remember but haven't been able to get back to what I felt/thought - all I remember is that I felt that everything was connected and made sense, a sort of theory of unity. Now I know that all sounds a bit wacky and I'd better make it clear that no I wasn't and am not under the influence of anything!

I agree with you about drinking. I haven't officially 'given up' although my lifestyle seems to have changed so that I haven't been drunk in ages. I guess my social life and hobbies have changed (not to mention my finances) and as you say, it's just not worth the nasty hangover and mind fog. In theory, I don't have a problem with moderate drinking (like a glass of wine with dinner) but I just haven't felt like it lately.

I really like that quote from the Buddha. It's nice and simple but there's so much in it and I'm going to think about all you've said.

Thanks again for your interesting post.

MeditationMom

By gnu - I was watching a science documentary about the nature of the universe and during the course of it, I had a fleeting feeling/belief that reincarnation is true. I was trying to figure out what my view is of life, the universe, everything. I felt that I had a glimpse at the ultimate reality and reincarnation fitted into my entire world view and made sense but then I lost it! I'm trying to remember but haven't been able to get back to what I felt/thought - all I remember is that I felt that everything was connected and made sense, a sort of theory of unity. Now I know that all sounds a bit wacky and I'd better make it clear that no I wasn't and am not under the influence of anything!

This reminds me of something I read the other day and I'll have to look up who said it, but some physicist said that time is what keeps everything from happening at once. Since there is no time - it IS all happening at once, but not to our senses. Therefore we get the idea of reincarnation. It also reminds me of another quote by Osho who said: For those who can wait infinitely, all things happen instantaneously.

You can only wait infinitely if you are not waiting for anything. This "waiting" is more of a still openness and receptivity, and is a great definition of when meditation has turned into enlightenment.

KamikazeKenny81

Welcome to the board guys, nice to see new people

I just wanted to make a quick note for anyone new to Buddhism who are worrying about certain aspects (rules), for example no drink, no meat....

I have been taking my first steps over the last year and a bit, and i am just starting to reach the point where i can understand pretty clearly why the no alcohol rule excists, to the point that i dont want to be 'drunk' again. For me its been more about following the path and finding out for myself, rather than blindly following 'rules'.

Dont worry if anything seems to be too much of a stretch, that ur not ready to let go, theres a good book actually that ive been meaning to read called 'start where you are', sums it up nicely

gnu

Very interesting MeditationMom, Time is a concept that fascinates me but always manages to wreck my head. I've been pondering that idea that there is no time. My logical side keeps insisting there is - but maybe it's just a device we use to make sense of our lives. I'll have to think about that one some more.

Thanks KamikazeKenny, that's a good idea and I think I might be doing that to some degree. I haven't decided that I want to be Buddhist, it's more I'm examiniing what I believe and how I want to live and so I've been exploring different ideas. Much of what I've read about Buddhism clicks - and I'm encouraged by what you say about the bits that don't click. My life is quite different now to what it was a year and a half ago, or even six months come to think of it. As I've thought more about things I find I'm uncomfortable with eating meat from animals that have been treated badly, reared intensively etc. I can't really afford much organic meat so end up eating vegetarian a lot. And then I find myself wondering do I want to eat meat at all. And I used to think getting drunk was great but it's lost its appeal. I don't think I'd like to be told I can never get drunk again (I seem to have issues with being told what to do) but I've happily gone without alcohol for a good while now. I guess there are other things I'd prefer to spend my time and money on. But it's not to do with being interested in Buddhism, it's just one way I seem to be changing.

I appreciate the input - it really helps me clarify my thoughts a bit more.