Boyfriend is in contact with girl..

LegacyUser

My boyfriend was single last year before we started going out and he had I suppose what you could call a fling with a girl, let's call her Aoife. It didn't develop into a relationship because she was going travelling for a few months. I get the impression she was more into him than he was into her. While she was travelling, I went to a few parties at the bf's local and met a lot of Aoife's friends who weren't very nice to me and asked me if I knew that my boyfriend was with Aoife (so what?) so that was a bit awkward. But the thing that bothers me is that the bf is still in regular contact with Aoife, they talk on the phone, online, she leaves him flirty messages on his Facebook. Is it totally unreasonable of me to think this isn't really on? Grand when he was single but now he has a girlfriend I think it's off of her to be flirting with him. I don't think he wants to be with Aoife or anything but still...

greatandgood

I don't think it's unreasonable to feel uncomfortable with it. I'm not sure how much you can do about it though apart from talking to your boyfriend.

You said you don't think he's interested in her; have you discussed it before? Presumably he says he sees her as only a friend now. Your opinion and his opinion of 'flirty' might differ so I'd be wary initially of accusing him of anything or giving out about her to him lest you seem a tad possessive.

If you're 100% sure there's nothing in it anymore from his side then you have nothing to worry about and should be the bigger, more secure person and let it go. However you're only human so if this is really, really bothering you then I'd calmly discuss it with your boyfriend and explain that you feel her behaviour is disrespectul to you. See if he's wiling to step back from his friendship with the other girl for your sake.

dblennon

lucky Guy, he has a Girlfriend and is getting a harmless self esteem boost from this girl.

He is with you, she is in no way a threat, she is probably in the wrong if her flirtations are very obvious, but there is nothing much you can do about it.

I know everyone would be a little peeved at the situation & if it is really bothering you then tell him but it may come accross as a little insecure so be carefull

nedoo

Ahh the old facebook thing. So many blokes I know have been in trouble for this. If it makes you uneasy, let him know in a calm way. If he is serious about you, she should back off and he should tell her this. I'm sure if you had an ex doing the same, he would not be too happy. The friends treating you like this was not very nice but as you were the target, it may have been blowen up in your head a bit. You need to get on with his friends for a good relationship, even if you think they are plonkers!

LegacyUser

So you don't think I'm unreasonable? I would feel like such a bunny boiler if I said anything, I don't know what to do...

LegacyUser

I wouldn't stand for that, I would have a quiet word in Aoife's shell like reccommending she back the fcuk off.

The BF never needs to know, Aoife needs to get off your land and quit worrying your sheep.

LegacyUser

I'd disagree with people saying Aoife is no threat, you never really know about anyone. If she went away without ever having got it on with you bf there could well be some element of 'what if' for either or both of them. If you're confident he doesn't want to be with her (and he may not) then gently raise your concerns with him. How long have you been with him? It's a fine line to walk between seeming healthily jealous and a total bunny boiler - and a very hard thing to undo if he winds up thinking you're the latter.

I wouldn't say anything to Aoife, she would most likely tell him. Is it clear to her that he is exclusively with you now?

Bottle_of_Smoke

Unregistered wrote: »

I wouldn't stand for that, I would have a quiet word in Aoife's shell like reccommending she back the fcuk off.

The BF never needs to know, Aoife needs to get off your land and quit worrying your sheep.

Are you for real? Thats perfect bunny boiler ammo Aoife can throw at the OP in the future if he ever confides in her in the future

smileykey

Unregistered wrote: »

I wouldn't stand for that, I would have a quiet word in Aoife's shell like reccommending she back the fcuk off.

The BF never needs to know, Aoife needs to get off your land and quit worrying your sheep.

Aoife has no responsibility towards her, why would she go to her? It's her BF who is supposed to be committed to her and she should be able to go to him if she has a problem like this. What can threatening the other girl possibly achieve apart from tell her BF that she's possesive and rude to his friends.

I'm not saying you are possesive OP but its the vibe that would be given off by doing that. Talk to your BF if you want to but if you don't think he's into her then I don't see why you're worrying.

CDfm

I wouldn't like it happening to me & it would upset me to be in your position. Time for b/f to prioritise and put a stop to it.

LegacyUser

I brought it up and my BF seemed shocked that it would bother me, kept asking if I was serious and also pretty offended that I didn't trust him. It's NOT that I don't trust him, I just don't think it's really appropriate. He didn't seem to understand

greatandgood

jkls wrote: »

I brought it up and my BF seemed shocked that it would bother me, kept asking if I was serious and also pretty offended that I didn't trust him. It's NOT that I don't trust him, I just don't think it's really appropriate. He didn't seem to understand

I suppose that was always going to be the danger with talking to him about it, it's unfortunate he's taking it this way. Did you try asking him how he would feel if an old flame of yours was in your life in a similar way?

Presumably you do trust him, so really your issue is with this girl and her lack of respect towards you, the current girlfriend in residence.

This isn't an easy one to call - you've made your case and it hasn't gone down well. It's not satisfactory for you obviously but I would let this drop for now rather than risk escalating the issue and becoming Glenn Close in his eyes. If you're 100% comfortable in your skin that he's not interested in her then it looks like you're going to have to put up with this. If you're not 100%...then this may play itself out to its inevitable conclusion. Here's hoping for the former!

CDfm

jkls wrote: »

I brought it up and my BF seemed shocked that it would bother me, kept asking if I was serious and also pretty offended that I didn't trust him. It's NOT that I don't trust him, I just don't think it's really appropriate. He didn't seem to understand

He understood alright unless he is a regular on Jerry Springer:D

Well the part of it that he is Aoifes boyfriend and you are the other woman may need to be cleared up if you all meet up in the local with her friends.