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Telling someone how you feel

  • 01-04-2009 11:31pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I don't know what to do or say.

    I haven't done it in ages and the last time I did it couldn't have ended worse (he led me on to think that it could've gone somewhere and then completely ignored me). Something else happened that made me not want to be with anyone but that doesn't really matter except, it's been a while to say the least.

    Now I like a guy who is a friend, he's showing no signs of being interested but I don't know if he would show any interest even if he was. It would make it easier if I thought he did like me.

    I don't know how to approach him. What could I do/say? I'm not brave enough to just come out with it, my confidence took a nose dive the last time and never really got a chance to recover.

    Also sorry if this is disjointed, it's late and I'm really tired.


Comments

  • #2
    Craft25
    Closed Accounts Posts: 470 ✭✭Craft25


    I'm of the opinion that grand gestures of love can often seem over the top and scary if you're not expecting them.. At the same time the worst thing you could do is keep it inside & let it come between you.

    I've tried to put myself in the position of the your guy; if one of my platonic girlfriends wanted to go for me i'd prefer if she made a subtle play for me. Just hold eye contact that bit longer, flirt a bit more, introduce sex a bit into the conversation in a fun way, touch me a bit more.. slowly ramp it up to making a pass. It would give me time to begin to think of her in a sexual way & an opportunity to turn her down without big drama for both if that's how i felt.

    The thing about a friend is you already know how they are as people, honest, kind, caring, even some of their faults, so it can be quite easy to develop the deeper side of love you only get with a normal partner after a load of dates. When you date someone normally you begin knowing they are attractive to you & you want to find out if they are compatible with you in a deeper way in the long term, trustworthy & such.

    What you are doing is dating in reverse, he may already 'love' you & completely trust you but over time you have to reveal yourself as a sexual person, best not to do it in one huge leap (unless you sense it's requited already).

    Imagine if you arranged a date with someone you really fancied & they said on the first date, "hey im a really trustworthy and good person, we should get married!" - you'd run a mile. They have to reveal it naturally! It's the same in reverse, don't just blurt out, "hey i'm a sexual being, we should be a boyfriend-girlfriend."

    Convince him of it slowly with your super female magic charm.


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    That is actually the best advice I got on anything in a long time. I can't wait to see him next, although I did just randomly see him a few minutes ago but I didn't do any of the things you said, it would be difficult to make eye contact with him when I'm driving. I'm getting excited now and I'm probably not going to see him at the weekend.

    Thanks


  • #4
    nylon
    Closed Accounts Posts: 32 ✭nylon


    Definitely agree with Craft25 here. There are many subtle ways of conveying your interest before blurting out declarations of love.

    Lingering eye contact and the occasional accidental-on-purpose brush against him will help get the ball rolling.

    Good luck.


  • #5
    cantdecide
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,465 ✭✭✭✭cantdecide


    Food for thought and I agree but only to a certain extent.

    IME, blokes are less open to suggestion. In my own case, my feelings of attraction toward women that I know is simply, to be blunt, 'I would' or 'I wouldn't' (not just physically- don't write me a letter). It has never happened to me that someone that I regarded as not particularly in my sights became attractive for no apparent reason.

    An exception would be that maybe he's just after a breakup or some other reason why he may be out of the game. Another exception would be if I really liked a girl that was out of my league, then I would put her out of my head, hence no apparent interest...

    If you like the bloke, I think you should consider not play around too much. As posted elsewhere on PI recently, friendzone doesn't exist for guys as much so I would think that maybe you should just come out with it.

    It could save you a lot of worrying (and possibly a little embarassment)...


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