Fear of Relationships...

LegacyUser

Having had a few bad experiences (or being straight break ups) in the past, i now feel a little scared to get into another relationship. It took me almost a year to get over my last break up and now i'm happy but i'm starting to feel a little lonely and i'ld quite like the thought of being in a relationship again with some cool person.

Saying that as i mentioned i feel i might not be able to commit to it or screw over the relationship cuz of my fear of going though another break up. I had a really horrible time getting over the last one and i really don't wanna put myself though all of that again. It was a serious waste of a whole year of my life! And for some reason I feel if i get into another relationship, i know that some day inevitably it's gonna end and i'll find myself in another horrible slump once again. Maybe i've just lost faith in relationships! Though logic tells me that some day it'll end. Maybe i don't even have faith in myself anymore either!

Anyway, so this is how i feel. I'm not really into casual one night stands and such. I'ld like to be in a relationship cuz i like the thought of being in a relationship, the whole having someone to love and share with, doing things together, going places together and all. But at the same time i feel rather cold and possibly fearful towards being in one cuz basically as i mentioned, i dread going though another break up again. I feel relationships aren't worth it anymore as i really don't wanna ruin more time of my life. Also I'm not a settler, i plan on moving around over the years doing the things that i love and i don't think i can compromise my lifestyle for the sake of a relationship and family (don't plan on having a family either). So if anyone's gotta compensate in the relationship, its not gonna be me! Relationship is just not my top priority. This is why i feel unless i find someone who's ready to adjust to my lifestyle or who likes to live a similar lifestyle, its not gonna work for more than a few years.

And this is why right now i just don't know what to do. I do kinda feel a little lonely and would love to have a person that i love in my life. At the same time, unless miraculously i find someone's who's ready to spend their life traveling around the world with me doing various crazy and not so crazy things, i feel the relationship really won't last much long and i dread the breakup. The thought of letting an amazing person go just because of lifestyle differences would hurt too. Though my last girlfriend was surprisingly adjusting to me, she kinda was also like me and i felt we were totally meant to be, was also an amazing person but that relationship crashed down really hard and hence it took me so long to get over it and i really don't wanna go through all that again.

I just fear getting too close and too attached to people now. I just feel i can't give anyone the power to destroy me in an instant. And so i fear i won't be able to get myself attached to anyone anymore. The reason why i don't even feel too interested in getting to know people to get in a relationship and such. I'm not sure if i can handle one or more precisely the dark end of it.
Or maybe i'm just thinking too much...

LegacyUser

scaredtocommit wrote: »

I just fear getting too close and too attached to people now. I just feel i can't give anyone the power to destroy me in an instant. And so i fear i won't be able to get myself attached to anyone anymore. The reason why i don't even feel too interested in getting to know people to get in a relationship and such. I'm not sure if i can handle one or more precisely the dark end of it.
Or maybe i'm just thinking too much...

I thought this way for 4/5 years. Went through a bad breakup when i was 20 and it took me about a year or so to get over it. For the next 4 years or so I let nobody in for the fear of as you say giving someone the power to destroy you in an instant. A few months back I met a girl I was crazy about and she was the first girl I decided to make an effort with in a long time. I ended up falling for her and we went out for a few months but she ended it bacause she didnt know if I was coming or going. I really wanted something to develop but I also wanted to protect myself from falling too hard for her incase it ended. The fact I did this led to it ending and for the first time in 5 years I felt that hurt again.

It also made me really think about what I want and Id love a relationship. I have done the single thing for so long now that I want everything that comes with being boyfriend/girlfriend but for this to happen im gonna have to let myself go 100% and give somebody that power to destroy me in an instant. Its tough but you gotta put your heart on the line.

LegacyUser

scaredtocommit wrote: »

At the same time, unless miraculously i find someone's who's ready to spend their life traveling around the world with me doing various crazy and not so crazy things...
Or maybe i'm just thinking too much...

You are thinking too much...about yourself. No ones going to give up their hopes and dreams and expectations just to fall in line with yours. Relationships take work, and they take compromise. Basically your post sounds to me like you're too interested in yourself and what you want to do, rather than actually wanting to make a relationship work. Getting over yourself is the first step in getting over someone else, so get that right and your fear of commitment will wane.You're not emotionally ready for a mature relationship.

ImustavKlimt

You sound completely self absorbed..would loathe being stuck with another fool like that..your type should come with a health warning. Seriously u sound so bloody immature... any grown woman with an ounce of sense would run a mile...

Silverfish

ImustavKlimt wrote: »

You sound completely self absorbed..would loathe being stuck with another fool like that..your type should come with a health warning. Seriously u sound so bloody immature... any grown woman with an ounce of sense would run a mile...

Read the charter of this forum before posting.

bluecell99

you must stop thinking about needing to be in a relationship.Stop searching and enjoy your life.It it is meant to be then it will happen - despite past experiences.You will know when it happens.Dont let the fear of break up put the dampeners on future happiness.People need space wheteher they are in a partnership or not.Dont smother the person and throw every other aspect of yourself away.You will never be joined at the hip.Relax and look at some of your own traits.Are you too needy and dependant?Why dont you feel fulfilled as a person on your own?

There is no magic formula for happy ever after.Day by day.Be open and sincere and aware of your own shortcomings.We all have them

trust in yourself.Be strong .

CDfm

Unregistered wrote: »

I thought this way for 4/5 years. Went through a bad breakup when i was 20 and it took me about a year or so to get over it. For the next 4 years or so I let nobody in for the fear of as you say giving someone the power to destroy you in an instant.

I really wanted something to develop but I also wanted to protect myself from falling too hard for her incase it ended. The fact I did this led to it ending and for the first time in 5 years I felt that hurt again.

It also made me really think about what I want and Id love a relationship. I have done the single thing for so long now that I want everything that comes with being boyfriend/girlfriend but for this to happen im gonna have to let myself go 100% and give somebody that power to destroy me in an instant. Its tough but you gotta put your heart on the line.

That pretty much sums it up and guys are so much more sensitive than women;)

I came out of a pretty disasterous relationship and walked into another. The barriers came upand stayed up for a few years. So I had to force myself to be available and date I even explained to some women friends that I was scared of dating and that made it easier as I got used to facing up to it.

Luckily enough I met someone or rather she liked me and made the first move.I have never been so relaxed and happier. Im dating a great woman and not a girl -so maturity helps. I also looked out of my comfort zone for a type of woman I would like -which was something one of my woman friends told me.

Good look.