Strange thing happened

LegacyUser

don't know why im writing this but i need to sort my head out. Been going a bit mad since yesterday. Came home yesterday evening after work, and found a pron mag on the floor beside our bed, its not the first time i have seen this particular magazine, my partner has had it for ages, but this is the first time i have seen it "out in the open" so to speak, not only that but it was freshly stained (you get my drift). my partner lost his job a while back, and i don't know why seeing this mag yesterday drove me so crazy, its called "eighteen" and pictures extremely young looking 18 year old girls.

Im not 18 anymore 29, i know he has used this magazine before lots of pages stuck together. but coming home last night, he wasn't there and to see the cover of the magazine with um fluids on it. really rattled me.

he came home a while after and i just could't bring myself to explain why i was upset, i still don't know why im upset, but i hardly slept last night. Still today im angry, i cant explain it, we have a very active sex life, together 8 years and still have fun 3/4 times a week. we are no prudes and there isnt much we haven't tried and enjoyed.

i just cant seem to snap out of my anger over nothing.

cantdecide

It was pretty insensitive to leave it to be found to be fair. It's beyond the pale for most women.

Do you feel like he has cheated on you? Do you feel like he would run off with some 18 year old slapper if he had the chance?? You'll have to examine your feelings here before we can offer assistance...

Miss Fluff

It's perfectly natural and most blokes indulge. No point in asking him to stop because he won't. Also, porn is fantasy so while a lot of the birds may be nubile 18 year olds, it doesn't mean he is yearning for one in real life. Don't let it bother you.

There is no need to be insecure about it, do ask him not to leave it hanging around though when it's been freshly "enjoyed", tell him it upsets you.

John Mason

well, if he isnt working, he probably has nothing else to do with his time

complete over-reaction on your part IMO

LegacyUser

its not that i think he would go off with an 18 year old slapper if he had the chance i think any man would. Strangly enough feels like a kick in the guts, what was going through my head last night is im out working 6 days a week busting a gut trying to keep our heads above water, what was he doing? at home giving it a few shakes over a stupid magazine. i don't know where all this is coming from.

LegacyUser

pink fluffy bunny wrote: »

well, if he isnt working, he probably has nothing else to do with his time

complete over-reaction on your part IMO

over reaction? thats funny. it was a reaction, as i said im not one of those people that get freaked out bu these things, like you i would say the same to someone that came on here saying that it was the end of the world if the caught their fella looking at porn, I know its normal, no need to be so flippant, its my reaction thats the problem thats what im trying to sort out.

LegacyUser

OP, I can feel your pain. I know my partner knocks one out most times the minute my back is turned too. Im under no illusions whatsoever.

But anyway, like you I am no prude and we have sex most days, whether I am tired or not I make sure he gets it nearly every day as I know he is highly sexed.

I understand about pron and understand that he uses it but like you I dont want it rubbed in my face either.

I think maybe your partner has been insensitive, how would he feel if you have left a huge vibrator stuck into a jar of lube with a pron mag out of gorgeous hunks that he couldnt compete and crusty tissues all over the place...

Its just a lack of basic sensitivity. We turn a blind eye to pron and batin, please men its just common courtesy to be descreet. Like women are .....

herya

To leave it out in the open with "trace evidence" is rude and disrespectful. I would have a word if I were you or you'll find it on your pillow next week. I agree that it's naive to think that blokes don't do this and if he has such a drive it's better for him to give himself a hand - but certain amount of discretion is prerequisite.

You must be frustrated (and rightly so) about your work situation but don't discuss it with him all together. Separate these issues or you may have a row...

ogriofa

Hi, I can see both sides here.
Not something you want to see, and can understand you see it as a lack of respect. Problem is, he's unemployed and that means he's probably VERY down confidence/competence wise.

Tell him not to do it again, that it's a kick in the teeth and leave it at that.

Again, I understand you're working your arse off but being unemployed is a really tricky one too.

Good luck & let it go this time. Be in his corner and let him HELP you with something!

LegacyUser

Your OH is an ignorant self-absorbed git.You seriously have to shake him up a bit. Not only are you at working to support the two of you, he's (a) at home havin an allied irish (b) he leaves the place in a mess (c) he's not at home when you get home after a day's work. I presume from the OP that he doesn't clean while you're at work / have the dinner ready when you return? Sounds to me like he sits around and plays with himself. He's self-centred and immature. The porn is a symptom of that.

SarahSassy

God thats ignorant and bad manners and up there with cutting his toe nails on the dinner table...

Is he normally filthy?

Blue_Wolf

You think he would clean the mag. All men fantasize about other women, just the way it is. To be honest your lucky he's pulling his wire to mags and not going out to get the real thing.

SarahSassy

Blue_Wolf wrote: »

You think he would clean the mag. All men fantasize about other women, just the way it is. To be honest your lucky he's pulling his wire to mags and not going out to get the real thing.

OP did you not realise just how lucky you are that your man is not straying on you so quit complaining about his disgusting habits and thank your lucky stars :rolleyes:

Fanny Cradock

goingunreg wrote: »

its not that i think he would go off with an 18 year old slapper if he had the chance i think any man would.

That's not true for all men.

Blue_Wolf

SarahSassy wrote: »

OP did you not realise just how lucky you are that your man is not straying on you so quit complaining about his disgusting habits and thank your lucky stars :rolleyes:

If only I could add sound affect of people cheering you on. +1

Munster_Gal

it' not cool that he left it out for you to see but be thankful that he's not out cheating on you

CDfm

so he masturbates - so do most men in the western world.

its good for the prostate gland

cHaTbOx

I think a few people are missing what the Op is trying to say ( or I am ).
I think she doesn't feel as special to him as she once did . She is working 6 days a week to keep there heads afloat and he seems to be spending his load on magazines.
Now that is obviously going to tinker with her mid frame.

I would also like to say to people who are basically sayin "at least he is not cheating on you " that that is not a plus, It is a given. And if he was that would be his loss.

This is the problem OP , what makes sense to one person doesn't to another , I would talk to him. People can say you are over reacting but they are not in your shoes. You say you have an active sex life , but he may just have a higher libido .

CDfm

cHaTbOx wrote: »

I think she doesn't feel as special to him as she once did . She is working 6 days a week to keep there heads afloat and he seems to be spending his load on magazines.

Not fair -he probably feels really awful. It could be a comfort thing and its not a sex issue. If ytou can live with it fine -if not have a chat -he may be very reluctant to talk but you need to be gentle. After all you have caught him **** like a school boy.

cHaTbOx

CDfm wrote: »

Not fair -he probably feels really awful. It could be a comfort thing and its not a sex issue. If ytou can live with it fine -if not have a chat -he may be very reluctant to talk but you need to be gentle. After all you have caught him **** like a school boy.

I wasn't talking about sex when I said she doesn't feel as special to him , and I don't think I said that in the right manner, it was an insight to waht she may think . Before they were both equal. They both brought something to table , but once you lose your job it is very hard to justify what you do .

If read the rest of my post I said he may just have a higher libido .

It think the Op has to understand that even though we shouldn't most men feel emasculated when they lose their jobs as they cannot provide and we have been brought up in that culture /system whereas we see the man as provider. As CDfm it is a form of comfort.

Joey the lips

This is an on going issue it seems for every women and no man understands why. It will continue and our kids will be discussing the problem

I think its bordom more than anything else. He is out of work and at home with nothing to do.

More importantly weather or not you get sex on a regular basis should not be an issue. If the man does not get sex will this justify to you why he does it. Would it not raise a question on a personel level " Why am I not interested in sex"

I once asked friends about their opinion about this and one of the girls gave us to much information she said when she was 17-18 she was so highly sexed she used her vib 2 to 3 times in one night. I thought this was very funny and so this most of the others.

What does this tell you.?????


If a man was in work all day and came home to discover his o/h left her vib on the bed after been playing with it that day his only regret would have been that he was not there to watch

But yet a women feels betrayed..... Dont take it to heart once he continues to jump on you be happy. Hope he learns something from them like " How to satasfy your women with your hands" - You get the picture

Its not a betrayel its a discovery.....

CDfm

Joey the lips wrote: »

This is an on going issue it seems for every women and no man understands why. It will continue and our kids will be discussing the problem

Its not a betrayel its a discovery.....

true -and its not the dirty little secret most posters imply it to be.

OP -you need to be sensitive here. Its a teenage comfort thing and he may feel that awkward just now as people go back to old behaviour in times of high stress especially as loosing a job will make him feel less of a man.

It sounds silly but you might need to tell him that even though he has lost his job he is still a real man etc and he has you and doesnt need a magazine. His ego may need stroking and his confidence might need an all around boost.Nothing wrong with that.

LegacyUser

The replies on this thread have been ridiculous..

(a) be thankful he's not cheating on you - no don't be thankful he should never cheat on you, however why does he need to look at others to get stimulation when he has a real life gf... basically he is cheating.

(b)he's out ot of work boo hooooooo.Get off his a*se and do something more productive with his time. what's he going to say when interviewers ask him what he's been doing with his time?

(c) it's a massive insult to his OH who is working to support him to come home to find what she found

(d) as a man no i would not be happy to discover my OH was staying at home all day playing with herself. She'd be out on her ear.

(e) yes it IS a teenage comfort thing which shows he is an immature child. He is putting his own pleasure before his OH's happiness. Well done mate, you're not ready for a relationship. He's disrespectful, immature and self-centred.

There are thousands and tens of thousands out there looking for work. And he's at home knocking one out over a magazine. What a man. he needs a wake-up call.

(f)this isnt the only 'teenage' thing about it. Given that he likes looking at '18 year olds' no doubt dressed to look younger etc. it's slightly more than disturbing.

LegacyUser

I would agree to the extent that no one should be ' thankful' that their OH is not cheating - I mean that should kind of be taken for granted. No way would I liken looking at porn to cheating however...
That said the way the stained magazine was left at the bed was very disrespectful to the woman, and this whole ' teenage comfort' thing is ridiculous. He's an adult in a serious relationship - he should be getting out there looking for work instead of staying in feeling sorry for himself, and leaving his mess for his partner to find....
I would mention to him that he should put the magazine away when he's finished with him as it's very rude and disrespectful. I wouldn't mention the whole ' go get a job' thing as not point kicking him when down,and he probably knows all that anyway...

LegacyUser

Im not sure where people are getting the idea that he spent the entire day indulged in self abuse?
Fair enough, leaving the evidence out in the open is insensitive of him, but nowhere in the OP does it mention that he hasnt been looking for a job, or that he hasnt been helping out around the house.

CDfm

A bit silly to have the magazine really if you think about it. A bit immature.

He really should look at his jobsearch as a job of work and apply himself to that 9-5 and save himself for the OP.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

Im not sure where people are getting the idea that he spent the entire day indulged in self abuse?
Fair enough, leaving the evidence out in the open is insensitive of him, but nowhere in the OP does it mention that he hasnt been looking for a job, or that he hasnt been helping out around the house.

Leaving it open with stains on it on the floor isnt exactly the behaviour of a house-proud person tbh. I've been out of work and the last last thing on my mind was looking at spank-mags.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

Leaving it open with stains on it on the floor isnt exactly the behaviour of a house-proud person tbh. I've been out of work and the last last thing on my mind was looking at spank-mags.

Bit of a leap there.
Magazine left out = never does any house work?
He doesnt have a job, therefore he is not entitled to do anything that doesnt involve getting a job?

LadyE

I dont think the magazine is the prob, she knew he had it..it was the fact that he left it out in the open..with his stuff in it. Thats seriously yuck!

Everyone masterbates, totally normal and natural, leaving the evidence is not!

OP let him know that you saw it, and ask him to clean up after himself the next time!!

MicraBoy

What sort of an eejit jizzes all over his **** fodder?

What sort of a dirt bag leaves his cum-rag (which is also his **** fodder) lying about for others to clean up?

This guy has no respect for you, or for quality pornogaphy. I'd lift him out of it just for being a dirty article, full stop.

PurpleBerry

:eek: Since when should a person be grateful that their partner is not cheating on them?

OP, was it the particular choice of mag that's upset you? ie very young girls? Or the fact that he's looking at porn while you're at work?

King of Kings

MicraBoy wrote: »

What sort of an eejit jizzes all over his **** fodder?

What sort of a dirt bag leaves his cum-rag (which is also his **** fodder) lying about for others to clean up?

This guy has no respect for you, or for quality pornogaphy. I'd lift him out of it just for being a dirty article, full stop.

man - you got there before me.
what right minded fella cums on his porn mag?

I think it's nothing more than being bored or more simply enjoying his time alone. Although it was a bit bad leaving the evidence out for you to find. He should have cleaned up - hardly a hanging offense,
some of the posters here are ridiculous in their outrage and indignation.

esp the unregistered one who starts with "The replies on this thread have been ridiculous.."
YOU SIR ARE A CLOD

Zaph

King of Kings wrote: »

some of the posters here are ridiculous in their outrage and indignation.

esp the unregistered one who starts with "The replies on this thread have been ridiculous.."
YOU SIR ARE A CLOD

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