Not sure how to approach breaking the news....

LegacyUser

I am fairly sure I am pregnant but I have been ignoring it hoping it will go away.
My boyfriend and I are together less than 2 years and I know he is not ready. Im scared, I dont know how to approach telling him.

Before you all jump in and tell me to test myself, I am not doing that alone. If I have to do that I want him there too so we find out together.....

How do I crash his world down around his ears?

Craft25

No man is ever ready to be a father until he first holds his child! It'll be ok. He'll be ready when he has to be.

Edit: maybe text or phone that you've something big to tell him will give him a chance to steel himself first. He may need time to let it settle in, so dont be surprised if he says something insensitive or something - depends on type of man he is.

ellie1

Just tell him.

Dravokivich

OP,

you are gonna have to deal with it sooner or later. better to know how things are when you've got time to plan and get things sorted, then rushing around last minute. If you are certain you gotta let him know you think you may be pregnant.

but have you tried tests and such yet?

Munster_Gal

Do a test and make sure that you are first. They you just need to sit him down and tell him. There's no easy way to break that kind of news

LegacyUser

Please help ....what is the best way......

I am walking around in denial, he is all happy go lucky, every time I look at him my heart breaks, I keep trying to delay it.

I feel like Im on death row......

KittyeeTrix

Unregistered wrote: »

I am fairly sure I am pregnant but I have been ignoring it hoping it will go away.
My boyfriend and I are together less than 2 years and I know he is not ready. Im scared, I dont know how to approach telling him.

Before you all jump in and tell me to test myself, I am not doing that alone. If I have to do that I want him there too so we find out together.....






How do I crash his world down around his ears?

Honestly it's not the end of the world. Well, that depends I suppose on what age ye are and what kind of lifestyle ye are in, e.g. college. Even then, there are loads of help and resources out there.
2 years is a fairly long time to have been together. You might be surprised by his reaction.
First off, get the test done, no point going nuts about something that may not even be happening.
And if it is negative, I would sit down by myself and seriously reconsider a relationship with someone whom you seem to think may not be capable of dealing with the consequences of his actions!!!!!
This may sound harsh and I don't want to be going off on one, especially since I don't know your ages but if he is old enough to be practising at making babies then I believe he is old enough to be told that one has possibly been made!!!!!!!!!!!
But listen, don't worry, if he's worth being a daddy he'll step up straight away.

You'll be fine

Craft25

Unregistered wrote: »

Please help ....what is the best way......

I am walking around in denial, he is all happy go lucky, every time I look at him my heart breaks, I keep trying to delay it.

I feel like Im on death row......

Arrange to meet him one on one somewhere, preferably at home if it's a safe place.. take a deep breath, say the word's "i'm pregnant"

It's the only way.

ellie1

I agree with Craft 25.
There is no easy way to tell him. Why are you feeling so worried about this? If you are pregnant , both of you are responsible.

LegacyUser

I am afraid he will be angry and resent me for ever, even though its not my fault, you see that happens to couples all the time.

The man hates the woman because she brought the pain....

We are 28 btw not teenagers either....

greatandgood

Unregistered wrote: »

I am afraid he will be angry and resent me for ever, even though its not my fault, you see that happens to couples all the time.

The man hates the woman because she brought the pain....

We are 28 btw not teenagers either....

Sorry I know you're a bit shell-shocked but to be honest this sounds ridiculous. If this really is the sort of reaction you expect then you need to consider your future with this man. You're treating him like a child - this is classic molly-coddling.

Your post also suggests you think 28 is young for this to be happening, and I suppose from your description of your own feelings and your expectation of his reaction you both come across as quite immature. However circumstances have changed and you both need to step up to the plate. This is no longer about just the two of you.

Stop faffing about and get the pregnancy test done. This worry could all be for nothing and while I appreciate you'd like his involvement in the testing you'd be better off just getting on with it and knowing for certain sooner rather than later.

Most importantly, remember this is not the end of the world. If you are indeed pregnant no one can guarantee your relationship will survive but he may surprise you. However even if he lets you down you are beginning an amazing journey and have so much to look forward to - with or without him.

SarahSassy

You poor pet. I am sorry to hear you are going through such anxiety..

Unfortunately there is no way round this. With a pregnancy you either are pg or you are not and there is no easy way to accept it yourself or to tell your OH.

You need to take the bull by the horns and just come out with it. Have your mind made up first what your intentions are with regard the baby - would you have a preference to keep it etc and be prepared for your BF possibly having a different view to you.

You know him 2 years so you obviously know him so just do it, have the test ready so you dont have to wait for a day to get the results and I hope it works out for the best for you.

KittyeeTrix

I abolutely have to agree with greatandgood, whether you are pregnant or not I believe your greatest problem at this stage is your reluctance to discussing this with your partner.
I fell pregnant with my boyfriend at the age of 19 and had absolutely no reservations about telling him. I was your age 28 when we had our 4th child.
You should not be seeing someone whom you feel will not be there for you when the s**t hits the fan so to speak....
Do the test and put yourself out of your misery..
On a by note, would you be happy to be pregnant at this stage in your life if you thought your boyfriend would be?

ellie1

I am afraid he will be angry and resent me for ever, even though its not my fault, you see that happens to couples all the time.

The man hates the woman because she brought the pain....

We are 28 btw not teenagers either....

Why would he hate you? I notice you saying its not your fault, why would you say this? Its like your trying to justify something.

Is there more going on here op than you are saying? Is all other aspects of your relationship going well?

Miss Fluff

You poor thing.

You may be surprised at his reaction though and after two years you should put enough trust in him to be supportive, whatever you choose to do.

Try and be logical about this. What if you don't tell him? When you deliver a baby in the bathroom when you get up to go to the loo some night?

Make sure you have the place to yourself. Buy a test, invite him over, and then do it together.

If you're planning on a termination it's better to it early term than let this go on any longer.

If you are planning on keeping it, all this worry is not good for your baby.

Do the test sweetheart, it will finally put your mind at ease either way.

banquo

He'll mirror your reaction. If you're like 'Good news, I'm pregnant!', he'll perceive it as good news too. You wouldn't believe how true this is.

The other this is this: after you tell him, give him some alone time. Say an evenign. Maybe tell him on a saturday afternoon - or any day he's not in work - and have some prearranged thing you've to go to soon-ish afterwards (say an hour, two hours at the most) He'll need time to take this in. If you've a fireplace, light the fire and he can stare into it for a few hours.

kevmy

Don't tell him you have something big to tell him just sit him down and tell him.

I also think that probably the problem is more with you than your boyfriend. You haven't told him yet you're already in bits.

Make sure you know whether or not your pregnant before hand. Tell him in a neutral manner don't be downhearted.

Some men react very well to the new and react proactively to it even though you expect the opposite and vice versa.

_blank_

Here's my story, I'm a bloke btw.

I used to work in tech support, and one day I was on to a customer, some aul wan in Killarney or something.

This email pops into my inbox, from the gf, saying something like "I'm late, gonne do a test tonight"

me ---> :eek::eek::eek::eek:

customer on the phone --->


me ---> erm...yeah...click the start button :eek::eek::eek::eek:


so, erm....don't do it that way.

Look, just sit him down and tell him, don't spring a double pack pregnancy test on him, and say "right, i'm off to the loo, wait outside will ya".

He'll hold your hand, give you a hug, then the test will come back.

Either positive or negative.

If it comes back positive, get an appointment with a doctor, if it comes back negative, well then, breathe a sigh of relief and be more careful in future.

tinkerbell

Ok so you said that your bf is definitely NOT ready for a baby yet you are refusing to take a test until he knows. What's the point in worrying him unnecessarily? Just take the test and get it over with. If you're pregnant, tell him then, if not, well you can probably tell him as well.

It's really silly waiting because you're too afraid to tell him, yet as each day passes, you're prob giving yourself one more grey hair due to worry. Sooner you get it over with, sooner you can look at your options.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Unregistered wrote: »

I am afraid he will be angry and resent me for ever, even though its not my fault, you see that happens to couples all the time.

The man hates the woman because she brought the pain....

We are 28 btw not teenagers either....

Is there a bigger personal issue? unless you deliberately got pregnant you shouldn't have to feel guilty about this. Sooner you know whether you're pregnant or not the sooner you can work out what to do. Theres no advantage to your current situation.

Munster_Gal

Hi OP,
have you done the test yet? Theres no point in worrying about all of this until you know for sure if you are pregnant or not.

Blue_Wolf

What he's going to hold the stick while you pee on it?

Just check it yourself or with your best mate and if your pregnant than tell him. No point making the guy panic when he might not need to

cantdecide

Are you really sure he would be unhappy at first? I have a very close friend who I was joking with one day about if he long term GF got pregnant. He was was adamant that it would be terrible news. I know for a FACT that he'd love every minute of it...

For him, it will be a question of perspective, IMO.

I'm the same age as you and some of my friends have kids up to 7/8 yrs. You're both 28. Biologically, you should have had kids ages ago. Worst case scenario is that you tell him, he pops a gasket, he will realise that it's going to be an amazing new experience for you both to share and will probably embrace it entirely.

By the time you're both 30 he won't be able to imagine life without kids...

Blue_Wolf

banquo wrote: »

He'll mirror your reaction. If you're like 'Good news, I'm pregnant!', he'll perceive it as good news too. You wouldn't believe how true this is.

I'm sorry but you are saying that we will perceive this as good news just because it was said in a happy positive way? Get a grip, they are lying to keep you happy. Than they are going to call their best mate, go to the pub and cry over 10pints and than be carried home by his best mate and a homeless guy they found on the street.

LegacyUser

Thanks All.

Why would he hate you? I notice you saying its not your fault, why would you say this? Its like your trying to justify something.

Is there more going on here op than you are saying? Is all other aspects of your relationship going well?

Well, we have both been stupid not just me. We had been using withdrawal/condoms. When the condoms used to run out it was always me buying them. I stopped bothering, it was a waste of money, he used to just say he would withdraw instead. Things would happen so fast. We would just do our thing and he never messed up. He never got anyone pregnant before.

I read that withdrawal used correctly was ok. That the thing about sperm being in the pre-cum was an old wives tale??

What if we had sex more than once in the same night, could the sperm from the first ejaculation have still been in his tubes and come out in the pre-cum on the second time...?

The reason I feel to blame a bit more is I am the girl. I didn't want to go on the pill as I had been on it before and it took away my libido and I gained weight.

Anyway, I gave him the heads up this morning. I told him I was late, he just took it in without saying much and sort of changed the subject. We were in a rush going out so I left it like that for the moment.

kevmy

Also just to add something.

While most guys I know (including myself) would not be planning on having a baby anytime soon and would openly declare themselves not ready, if one happen to come along by accident they would man up.

The deed would be done and there is no point crying over spilled milk. You have to behave like adults talk it out and see where to go. I mean you both 28 not 16 so it's down to you to behave like 28 yr olds.

smileysurfer

Oh for God sake just do the test already!! You might not even be pregnant so you mite aswell find out first before you keep going on about it!
If it turns out that you are infact pregnant then act your age, tell your man and deal with it!

cantdecide

I'm single at the moment so maybe my opinion isn't valid. However, if the topic arose, I know that I would not choose to have kids but on the other hand I know that if I were in your OHs position, I'd love it...

LegacyUser

OP, because you are finding this stressful you might not be thinking straight. How about listing your options calmly and think about his possible responses - try not to jump to conclusions about how you "know" he'll react.
1. Do a test by yourself first. Pro - Might be negative and all the worry will be over! Don't forget there are reasons for being late apart from pregnancy. Cycles can become irregular even if you were regular before.
Con - If it's positive you have to deal with this news on your own at first. Then again, if you are worried about his reaction, some time to come to terms with it yourself might be better before telling him.

2. Talk to somebody other than him - best friend, sister, auntie? and then do a test with them nearby for moral support. Pro - a problem shared, might help you put it into perspective that it will not be a disaster either way. Con - putting off the inevitable of telling him.

3. Sound out his position before telling him. Possible ways: Jokey, do you know what, I might be late, imagine if there was a mini-OH on the way... Straight-up, "have you ever thought about what would happen if we had a contraception failure...?" Roundabout - watch a film like Juno with him and get chatting...

4. Go straight to him and tell him you are worried about it yourself, it is not certain but you would like his support while you do a test. Pro - most guys certainly will "man up" when asked straight out for support. Con - worrying him too before you even know for sure! However, that is justifiable since you yourself have a problem with it and he should support you while you're stressed, whether or not you're actually pregnant.

Now choose an option and go ahead and take SOME action - the one thing that WON'T make you feel better is doing nothing!

otwb

Unregistered wrote: »

Thanks All.



Well, we have both been stupid not just me. We had been using withdrawal/condoms. When the condoms used to run out it was always me buying them. I stopped bothering, it was a waste of money, he used to just say he would withdraw instead. Things would happen so fast. We would just do our thing and he never messed up. He never got anyone pregnant before.

I read that withdrawal used correctly was ok. That the thing about sperm being in the pre-cum was an old wives tale??

What if we had sex more than once in the same night, could the sperm from the first ejaculation have still been in his tubes and come out in the pre-cum on the second time...?

The reason I feel to blame a bit more is I am the girl. I didn't want to go on the pill as I had been on it before and it took away my libido and I gained weight.

Anyway, I gave him the heads up this morning. I told him I was late, he just took it in without saying much and sort of changed the subject. We were in a rush going out so I left it like that for the moment.

Well done for telling him. See how it goes tonight with the test. There were two of you involved in this - if he really wanted to reduce your risk of pregnancy then he shouldn't have gone near you without contraception. Condoms are not only your responsibility, takes two to tango and therefore both should be involved in providing these.

Please read up on the 'how pregnancy happens thread' and get some decent, professional, advice regarding natural family planning if that is the way you want to go in the future.

LegacyUser

He didn't say we should test or anything, I just said I was late. And he just replied maybe youre just late and changed the subject.

I met him for lunch and we never mentioned it at all. Its like as if I never said anything.

otwb

How late are you?

Call him after work, you need to tell him how worried you are and that you want him to be there while you take a test.

He's a man. He won't get how worried you are unless you tell him out straight. (even then it may be a push to get him to understand what may be happening )

Seriously, try to get this over with tonight - you can't keep this bottled up for much longer. If you think that he won't come over then call a friend to be with you while you take a test - at least then you know.

You are 28 years old. There are probably a couple of hundred thousand 28 years old out there with children. You can do this.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

ellie1

He didn't say we should test or anything, I just said I was late. And he just replied maybe youre just late and changed the subject.

I met him for lunch and we never mentioned it at all. Its like as if I never said anything.

Well, op you have mentioned it now so he knows your late so therefore there is a possibility. Dont blame yourself or feel guilty. Both of you are responsible. Tonight, buy a pregnancy test. Tell him your doing it while he is there. And then take it from there. Nobody here knows what his reaction will be. Check back in when and if your pregnacy is confirmed. Wishing you all the luck in the world. By the way, what will your reaction be if you are pregnant?

smileysurfer

Well, we have both been stupid not just me.

Couldnt agree more!!

I read that withdrawal used correctly was ok. That the thing about sperm being in the pre-cum was an old wives tale??

Bull sh*t!!!

When the condoms used to run out it was always me buying them. I stopped bothering, it was a waste of money,

......... not bothering to buy condoms , a baby is going to cost a lot more than a box of condoms.

What if we had sex more than once in the same night, could the sperm from the first ejaculation have still been in his tubes and come out in the pre-cum on the second time...?

Possibly! but again, im pretty sure pre cum contains semem!

Anyway, I gave him the heads up this morning. I told him I was late, he just took it in without saying much and sort of changed the subject. We were in a rush going out so I left it like that for the moment.

well you havent done a test, you are just speculating so hes not bothered!! Just do the test or you wont know!

cantdecide

There's no one to blame. It doesn't require blame at all. You seem certain that this is bad news. Assuming things are as you suspect, there's no going back now OP. It's a process and you will be better off just getting on with it. I guarantee you that how you are feeling now is not how you will feel about it in a week, a month. Your feelings will change time out of number in the next while so just take it easy for now...

LegacyUser

I just got my period!!!!

It was 4 days late! I am so happy thank you everyone and I will be insisting on condoms from now on!

Karen09

to me this is a very wierd situation... u'd rather not spend money on condoms..when the possible outcome to this is alot more expensive.. also im 22 and have no plans for babies just yet, im a flat broke student but still put money away for my pill every month. if all came to all i no i could speak to my bf about it, and could lean on him for support, not sure id be wit him if i didnt feel like i could... just my opinion.
best of luck wit watever happens.

Wibbs

OK it looks like the panic is over so....

Munster_Gal

Glad to hear that the panic is over... Should it ever happen again though just take the test and then deal with the consequences