Another break up thread!

LegacyUser

Broke up after 6 years 5 weeks ago. Everyday I'm crying and feel so sad. The thing is, I know we're not compatable anymore, and I don't really want to ever be with her again. But then why am I so sad. It's very confusing, I want to hold her and never let go again, but yet know it's not right! I'm sending her the odd soppy text, which I shouldn't be. She wouldn't get back with me anyway, she wants to "do her own thing". The thoughts of her being with anyone else kills me.

I am trying to do things for me since we split, going to see a councillor every week. But I'm still so sad, and I'm getting fed up feeling this way, I don't see any end to it.


Any advice would be great. Thanks.

Wagon

Delete the number, delete the contact, don't try and be friends. Otherwise you won't have a hope in getting past this properly.

LegacyUser

am in exactly the same boats as you right now OP. I just submitted a thread there asking for tips for surviving a break-up. Im afraid deleting numbers and stuff doesnt help the emotional heartache. I am only broken up a few days and am so sad, anxious, lonely, sad I cannot believe it. Am trying to stay strong but it is so hard. we were together 3 years living together and all. He says he needs to sort himself out. I understand that but my feelings wont go away.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

am in exactly the same boats as you right now OP. I just submitted a thread there asking for tips for surviving a break-up. Im afraid deleting numbers and stuff doesnt help the emotional heartache. I am only broken up a few days and am so sad, anxious, lonely, sad I cannot believe it. Am trying to stay strong but it is so hard. we were together 3 years living together and all. He says he needs to sort himself out. I understand that but my feelings wont go away.

OP here, I hear ye! This is tough stuff alright. I deleted her name and number the day we broke up, but unfortunately it's etched into my memory, I have nothing around the house that reminds me of her. We never lived together so I suppose that's one thing! For the past 5 weeks, I've taken it one day at a time. Some days are better, but yesterday and today I've been really bad, just want to get over her and forget about her.

Casshern88

in exactly same boat as u op, ended it with g.f. of nearly 3 years only a few days ago, i know exactly what you mean about feeling alone and wanting to txt her ect but you know deep down its not right, you have to stay strong, surround your self with your friends try to keep busy , it will get easier.

LegacyUser

Aw mee too - it's SOOO hard. Got dumped 7 weeks ago. Can't delete the number either cause it's in my head so no point. We used skype to IM and there's no point in deleteing that either cause I can just add him again if I want to skype him. There have also been good days and bad days for me too but this last week is proving to be like as if i'm back to square one. Last sunday he told me he loved me and thought he wanted me back - changed his mind again on Wednesday. Says he loves me but is afraid it will end again down the line and he can't do that to me. All very well but it only leaves me with pointless hope again.

It's so so so hard and the hardest part - what seems to be the most vital part to get over the heartache - is the no contact. It's like a constant battle of self control not to IM him, call him or text him. And the unbearable pain at the thoughts of 'why does he not get the urge to contact me, why is he not calling me and regretting his decision, how can he not want me after what we had together, if he really does love me why can we not take our chances and be together, maybe doesn't love me at all, why is he not missing me like I am missing him? or is he?'. And so it goes on.

Then there's the 'accepting it's over and move on advice'. It's easy to give and it's easy to instruct on the best ways of going about this but in reality - I CAN'T SEEM TO DO IT.
I read a good piece of advice here today and it suggested doing out a calender and marking off the days you haven't contacted them. 1st goal - one week. I've done out my calender for a month and it's now on my wall. Monday isn't marked yet.

This is my second break up, the first one took me 1.5 yrs to accept and get over but I'm determined not to let that happen again. I was a complete mess. We'd bought a house together and were together 4 years. Just before we were due to move into the house he ended it.
So I suppose time is the only answer here (as annoying as it is to hear) - bear the pain, suffering, heart ache and eventually, after some time it won't feel this horrible. I swore I was never going to recover and I felt like I was the only one who'd gone through this type of pain because 'my relationship was different and we were perfect together'. It is like a death and it is a grieving process. The amount of time it takes to come through it depends on the person. 1 year after we broke up he finally knocked on my door, cried his eyes out and told me he regretted what he did. This helped the recovery move along! The guy that I am currently missing will do the same, because I KNOW I am a great catch and I don't blame myself for these break ups.

So, in both your cases I would say you probably have a long road of recovery to go through before you come out the other end. I've been there and this time will probably be the toughest time of your life. All I can do is sympathise really and give you a guarantee that you will recover. If I did, anyone can. Now ..... here I go again in the pits of more heart break. I'll get through it just like you both will. All in a lifetime.

LegacyUser

OP again.

Thanks for everyones words, they help me along this journey, that so many of us find ourselves in!

I know it takes time too, but I'm becoming frustrated that I can't shake the hurt. The rejection hurts too, I keep remembering the good memories and blocking out the bads ones, not good.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

am in exactly the same boats as you right now OP. I just submitted a thread there asking for tips for surviving a break-up. Im afraid deleting numbers and stuff doesnt help the emotional heartache. I am only broken up a few days and am so sad, anxious, lonely, sad I cannot believe it. Am trying to stay strong but it is so hard. we were together 3 years living together and all. He says he needs to sort himself out. I understand that but my feelings wont go away.

Me again (of the above post). Ill name myself unreggie1 to avoid confusion.

Its hard when you have so many memories. I could be sitting there fine and the next thing am feeling rotten and bawling my eyes out. Our break-up was a mutual agreement. He has things he has to work out and work on. Who know what might happen, but we both knew if we stayed together that we would kill each other by arguing all the time. In January he asked me for some time appart. I pursuaded him all would be ok. Our lease is up tomorrow on our house and we were due to move to another place. Had it arranged and all. So on Saturday we had another stinker of an argument (I was in a fould mood). I brought up stuff that hed done (again) and we shouted and screamed at each other. I do love him but my heart became so consumed by everything that happened that it had almost turned to stone. If we are to stand any chance we had to decide to break. I moved home. He has no where to go (he is not from here-no family here). I was so delighted to see him. I miss him so much. I hope he will try his best to deal with problems he has. I need to straighen my head out also. Whether anything happens or not I dont know - feelings can change. Am ok now as I type this but who knows in 30mins could be back in the sad place.

LegacyUser

Op again.

Unreggie1, your definately going through the motions alright! Like me, I'm ok one minute and in bits the next. I've no doubt we'll be ok, and that these things happen for a reason, but that doesn't make the pain go away. My head says that I can never get back with her, the heart says otherwise. This is a grieving process! I can't wait to be free of it.

LegacyUser

Me again - the 17:06 poster, the 'Aw mee too' one! Just like you OP I feel this - My head says that I can never get back with him, the heart says otherwise. All the advice in the world doesn't take the pain away. Like so many posters have said in this and other threads, we just have to live through it until we feel better.

MollyRo

i think its all part of a grieving process. we all come out the other side, takes a good 6 months though to come right again!!! think about all the time you spent with this person and all the time you spent thinking about them when you werent with them... thats alot of time and then all of a sudden they are not in your life or future as you had planned for so long.

even if you dont love each other anymore its bloody hard... all this stuff passes... one important thing to do is to stop contact mutually... makes all the difference in the world... but you need to go out and have fun most weekends. do whatever makes you happy and spend time on yourself...