Damned if I do, damned if don't

dilemma2009

hi,

I have to type this quick before it gets to epic or detailed. Anybody I could normally talk to have their own problems. And I am not telling my parents.
I met my girlfriend - I will call her "Lauren" - in 2007 and fell in love with her almost straight away, but she was seeing someone, so nothing happened between us. To be clear, nobody cheated in their relationship, it just faded away because my girlfriend started to have feelings for me too. After various up and downs, we are together now since late last year and very happy.
But last summer I did something terrible. I was feeling very low because I wanted to tell "Lauren" how I felt but she was with someone else. I met a woman while traveling alone. We spent a night together. I found out the next morning that she was married. With kids.
I felt sick. It was the most awful I have ever felt.
I've told "Lauren" what happened that and why - I thought I could get over her by being with someone else. She has helped me put it behind me but it wasn't easy.
It's come back to haunt me.
I meet the woman again when I went with "Lauren" to her uncle's funeral recently.
She is "Lauren's" sister. She has known about me for months and told me to in no uncertain terms to keep shut. But I don't know what to do. I know that sooner or later the truth will come out and I don't know how my girlfriend will feel if I keep this from her. if I tell her then I drag her into this mess. If I don't I'm a liar.
And then their is the husband and kids. He has a right to know. She seems like an expert liar. We've meet on three occasions and she swings between personalities - from near tears begging me to keep silent or being cold and saying that what's point of telling, and then getting flirty in front of my girlfriend.
My girlfriend will be devastated that her sister is the one. She is the only one in the family she is really close to. They are all successful professional people and "Lauren" is their black sheep, because she chose her life and spends it caring for others. She doesn't give a damn about money or success. It's part of why I love her. But she has told me so many times how her sister stood up for her. I'm afraid that it will break her heart to find out.
I guess I'm asking if any married men here would want to know?
Or maybe I just need to get the words out. I've been feeling very bad about keeping silent.

TheZohanS

Keep your mouth shut.

easyeason3

If you tell Lauren the truth you're at risk of ending the relationship & also ending a marriage.
Can the sister be trusted to keep her mouth shut?
If she can then just put it down to a bad experience & keep your distance from her.

Spon Farmer

easyeason3 wrote: »

If you tell Lauren the truth you're at risk of ending the relationship & also ending a marriage.

I think you misunderstand, he was single at the time. it was before they got together.

dudara

You did nothing wrong here, but you are in an unfortunate situation. Just try not to get caught up in whatever games this sister is playing. Take the higher road and stay quiet.

Silverfish

Spon Farmer wrote: »

I think you misunderstand, he was single at the time. it was before they got together.

It'd still end the marriage.

If the OP wants to keep his 'mouth shut', he'd want to be sure the sister does too, if she confesses to the husband, then he'd want to be sure the husband will keep his shut as well, likewise if the sister confesses to anyone else who knows his girlfriend....

I think this is relying on too many people to keep their mouths shut.

Lab_Mouse

doesnt matter whether you where with 'lauren' or not..keep your mouth shut.Like a poster above said you will lose a girlfriend and ruin a marriage.

Forget about it,it was BL(before Lauren)and it should stay there.

Aloysius Flyte

I disagree with all the previous advice.

The truth will come out, it always does. Don't kid yourself thinking that it won't. Put it this way, do you want Lauren to find out from you or someone else, her sister or her sisters husband?

It might not end the marriage, because there is no reason for the husband to find out, but if you are serious about Lauren and love her truly, and things do progress for you both to a long term committment, you have to tell her.

From a girls perspective, If my sister married sister had shagged my now boyfriend, even before we got together, I'd want to know about it. It would destroy me to think that it had been hidden from me.

Honestly is always the best policy. Lauren's sisters marriage is not your concern. Your relationship with her is, and if you want a loving relationship, you have to be honest with her.

CDfm

Its not your problem. But its a great story and at some level it might be true.

Ethics is on the side of causing the least harm to unconnected bystanders and saying nothing is what you need to do.

Spon Farmer

dilemma2009,
you'll get no encouragement to tell the truth in here.

but like you and a previous poster said - truth will come out eventually.

Wagon

You didn't know she was married, she did.
You didn't know they were both related.
The fact that you feel terrible about it shows that you regret it and would change it if you could.

Keep your moth shut, if this woman wants to ruin her marriage then let her. You could tell all and say that she lied to you (which she did) but they won't believe you. Keep it to yourself, you did absolutely nothing wrong. None of this is your fault.