Terrified of driving

taram

Sounds really stupid but I'm terrified of driving. Everyone I know has a license, for at least 4-5 years (am 23) and I've never even sat behind the wheel of a car. I had a bad bike accident a few years ago and since then am nervous cycling, can't imagine having a tonne of metal around me that could kill me and other people, and had a good friend crippled for life in a car accident. Just don't know what to do, is there any way out of this? I'd love the freedom of a car, but am so scared Anyone else cope with this fear?

Manic Moran

If it's a consolation, imagine the first time I went solo in an airplane. If I ballsed it up, I'd end up a fiery ball on the ground.

I've got a friend of mine with a similar problem to yourself. He was a passenger in a convertible which suffered a rollover accident, and a friend of his also in the car was seriously injured. Ever since then, he has been absolutely unable to get into a convertible. Kindof annoying since I drive one, so he always has to drive his car instead. He's been like this for over twenty years.

Now, granted, it's not so much of a problem for him to just never buy a convertible, so he's never really had to try to get his issue 'fixed.' Things are a little tougher for yourself.

In your case, I can think of only two possibilities. One is a gradual easing in. Get someone to drive you to a very empty parking lot where you can just get used to driving and controlling the car. With more experience I think will come more confidence. And so on until you're able to move on to quiet public roads, then the full thing. That's the cheap option.

The more expensive option, but probably the one which is more reliable since I have no authority to speak on this subject whatsoever, is to seek psychiatric help. There are all sorts of phobias which people to professionals to get over, yours may be a little unusual, but I'm sure the same tried and tested techniques that they use to get over fears of spiders and whatnot will be the same.

NTM

towel401

well cars are more safe than bikes anyway. especially in ireland where there is no cycle lanes worth mentioning.

start off in an estate or the farmers field when there is nobody around and then work your way up to the busy roads. practice in some old ****heap and you might get used to it and realise its not all that bad

star-pants

It's understandable to be scared, my mother learned to drive from my godfather and he taught her a bad habit of clutching before breaking (your car will potentially freewheel) and she was driving down a hill, did this and ran our car up onto a verge (myself and my sister in the back, I was only a baby). Scared the bejebus out of her and she's not gotten behind the wheel since - so thats over 20years.

Thing is - we're all human, everyone makes little mistakes, everyone gets scared. But if you leave it (like my mother did) your fear will build and build until you'll never be able to get into a car.

Bikes I hate - cuz I was always crap at cycling, would always end up falling over/hitting the kerb/ending up in a fence cuz the pedal would come off. But I learned to drive a car, and granted I was scared the first few times, my arms would be rigid from holding the steering wheel and I'd be sweating. You think 'holy crap I'm driving a huge lump of metal on wheels'. Yes you are - but it's a lot safer than a bike, and you won't be going any kind of speed the first few times.

I think it's well worth learning to drive & getting your license - because you don't want to have this fear forever. Did you ever drive bumper cars? (I loved them) Obviously there's no bumping in real cars but even to get the feel of being in semi control of something?
Driving instructors are well used to nervous/scared learners and they're very good and patient - if you explain yourself to them and maybe as others said - see if you can get into the car in a quiet place first. Also the driving instructors car has two sets of brakes - he/she can stop the car for you - they can lean over and reach your steering wheel/pull the handbrake if needs be. Trust me, you'll be ok in one. It always takes a while for the initial fear to go away, but the more you're behind the wheel the more it will subside. I would really try a driving lesson - see how you get on, if you're really terrified after that, then I guess maybe a different route might be the next option.

LegacyUser

To the OP, I am in exactly the same position as you and I am good bit older, in my 30s now. I was in two car crashes and then when I tried to learn to drive, the driving instructor was so obnoxious and belittled me so much (this was 18 years ago, so maybe it was the times or I was incredibly unlucky) I havent been able to go behind the wheel since. On top of that, I have a co-ordination problem, very mild but supposedly caused by the 3 in 1 vaccine when I was a baby. I bump into things and trip in the street more than the norm (not a great thing to happen when you are dressed up for the night and are in heels!). I know the above sounds like excuses but with the co ordination thing, thats really my biggest fear, that I would be driving and crash and injure someone or myself.

My husband is great and I live in a city so buses are no problem. What I worry about though is having babbies and not being able to drive them around or my parents getting older and needing me in practical ways like driving. I will be very honest and say not being able to drive is a blight on my life and has affected every part of it. I had to turn down a great job because it involved driving. I notice that women my own age put me in a category of being a bit of a freak for not driving and I miss out on get togethers simply because I cant drive to meet up with them. My true friends are fine, they dont care that I cant drive. But not driving is a problem for me.

So I would say to the OP, if you can get it sorted out, do so and dont end up like myself.

nudge

I feel the same and I am in my thirties. Wasn't involved in any accidents or anything just can't seem to do it. I have had lessons and everything, just too scared to drive. It is more common than you think, I have heard of a lot of people with this. Apparently hypnosis is good for this too.

mikemac

taram wrote: »

Sounds really stupid but I'm terrified of driving. Everyone I know has a license, for at least 4-5 years (am 23) and I've never even sat behind the wheel of a car. I had a bad bike accident a few years ago and since then am nervous cycling, can't imagine having a tonne of metal around me that could kill me and other people, and had a good friend crippled for life in a car accident. Just don't know what to do, is there any way out of this? I'd love the freedom of a car, but am so scared Anyone else cope with this fear?

OP, I've written off a car, been involved in a pretty bad cycling accident and I've crashed my moped 3 times.
But I've only hurt myself, not others!

But the main thing is one you get a knock you start back again asap.
If you get into an accident, it's normal to feel apprenhesive and you may start worrying about a junction long before you get there.

You just need to do it, your fears get smashed and your competance and your confidence go up.

So ask around for a patient driving instructor and maybe your first lesson might be around the back of a shopping centre car park with noone around.
But it's the first step of many and in no time you'll be navigating traffic with the best of us.

I want you to adopt the mentality of a national hunt jockey. They take massive bangs at high speeds and yet are back riding again for the next race 40 minutes later. Good luck

miss no stars

OP, you're probably best to get this over with asap and let that be the end of your fear.

I used to horse ride quite a bit and one day I was walking the horse to where I was going to groom her and she spooked and I ended up being trampled. I didn't get straight back up and didn't go back the next week. Leaving it that long meant I ended up being too scared (and I still am) to ride my own horse.

On the other hand, as a kid I came really close to drowning. A couple of days later my dad insisted that I take off my armbands and didn't give in until I did. Turned out to be a halfway decent swimmer and have no fear of the water.

You might want to look into something like this: http://www.steerclear.ie/course-learntodrive.html

Good luck

LegacyUser

I have the same fear.
Was involved in a car crash and been afraid ever since.
I'm 22 now and might need to be able to drive for my jobs

cantdecide

As a card-carrying car nut, I suggest you find a tutor who has an automatic car. Grappling with a manual trans is half of your worries when you learn to drive and you can switch over after a while (I think you probably know that if you take your test in an auto, you will only have a full license for an auto). There's essentially a stop and go pedal like a go-kart. An uncle of mine had 2 cars for his students. One auto, one manual. Instructors will generally take you to car parks and industrial estates for the early stuff so there won't be people around. Have some faith in the fact that they meet people with all kinds of issues with driving so they will be able to help you.

There's also a 'learning to drive' board, btw where I'm sure they'd understand your plight.

Darthhoob

im terrifed too lol, i've not started to learn yet. i think i could drive pretty well, but i worry too much about EVERYONE else! whenever i've had an accident its been due to someone being careless. mind you i am quite nervous of other people anyway o i dont suppose that helps

i NEED to learn how to drive though as i have a son with special needs and my OH will be getting a 6am-6pm job soon. need to be able to go places nd do shopping etc without having him beside me all the time.

sunnyside

It's really common and with the roads being so dangerous these days it's a very understandable fear. It would be more dangerous to have no fear.

I was terrified for a while too. I haven't fully overcome it, I still get nervous but I'm not so bad that I won't drive. I live in a city and I still avoid roads at rush hour etc but I'm doing ok and you will too. I only started learning last summer and I'm 30. I recommend the learning to drive section on boards (it's in Motors under "Rec" in the drop-down menu on top of the page)

I did a lot of lessons, it took me longer to learn than other people.
I can't really explain how I got over the fear. My skills had improved and one day when I got in the car something in my mindset changed and instead of feeling terrified I just thought "this really isn't worth stressing so much about" and for some unknown reason from then on I was calmer about the whole thing.

I'd suggest doing one lesson a week for the next while with an instructor. It might feel like you are progressing slowly as it did for me but as the months pass you will see progress. I did my first lesson in the last week of July last year. Now I have a car and as I said I'm doing well enough. I'm hoping that by July a year from when I started I'll be more confident. I'm doing a driving test in April, just before Easter. If I passed I would be so happy but if not I'll reapply. I'm happy to be at the stage where I'm capable of doing a driving test even if I don't pass. It's major progress from when I could have posted what the OP did.

forgetfulgirl

i get ya, i use to have nightmares that i would be in the driving seat in a car that was out of control. scared the hell out of me. slowly learning to drive though. at the start it was getting into the car and getting straight back out again! my parents were going nuts but once i got going it was fine. just take it easy and dont get panicy.

metaoblivia

I was terrified of driving too. Most kids my age got their license and first car at 16 - I put it off until I was 21! I didn't learn to drive until I had graduated from uni and got job that was out in the countryside and required me to drive. I had a friend from uni teach me how to drive. We started in empty parking lots and eventually moved to quiet roads, then more traveled roads and finally onto the highway and crowded parking lots. It was scary at first, but with each lesson I got more comfortable with it and some of the fear would go away. The more you practice, OP, the less fear you'll have. Once I got the hang of it, it wasn't so bad, and 6 years on, I'm not afraid at all.
Good luck, OP!

MooseJam

motorbike - generally the only person hurt will be you, so thats one less worry

kevmy

I think people from the city have generally less experience of driving at a young age and gives a bit more fear.

As for overcoming your fear most people drive everyday and never have a serious accident. So while it's an understandable fear if you are careful and learn to drive properly then you give yourself a better chance.

LegacyUser

I had exactly the same problem. I had driving lessons in my 20s but was just so nervous I didnt continue with them. My husband tried to teach me and I'd be shaking so much that I couldnt drive properly (and he got irritated with me). Then came a time that I had to learn to drive (late thirties) and I very reluctantly went with my husband to buy a car, (most people would be delighted). Everytime I opened my front door and saw the car my heart would sink. My dad had just retired and he made me go out every single day for an hours drive with him, I was sick. Once I got used to the feel of the car and realized that infact I was controlling the car ....it didn't have a mind of its own, and that whilst I was avoiding the oncoming traffic they were also avoiding me, the feeling of dread started to fade. I did my driving test 18 months later and thankfully passed. I'm driving 8 years now and actually enjoy it, I find it quite relaxing. My advice to you would be to do a little bit every single day, force yourself because it's easy to back out. Also get up very early sunday mornings when the roads are quiet and drive maybe as far as your nearest shops and back again, and just keep doing that until you are ready to go a bit further. I really wish you the best of luck, dont give up! I'm so glad I didn't.

northern lights

I also know exactly how you feel, I lived in cities for the vast majority of my life and so never needed to learn to drive as always walked or used buses, trains, metro etc.
I then found myself living in the middle of nowhere when I moved to ireland to be with my other half. As he was working, and I wasn't for the first 8 weeks being here, I was stuck at home alone unable to go anywhere and slowly climbing the walls with boredom.
Anyhow, decided to grab the bull by the horns, got my provisional and booked lessons...
Ye gods, I'll never forget the terror of my first 4 or 5 lessons!! I was quite literally a shaking nervous wreck. I ended up in tears, through sheer panic and fear, during each one. My saving grace was having booked a dual control car and a driving instructor who had limitless patience and a very good sense of humour!
I would definately have given up at this point was it not for the fact that my sanity depended on being able to get out and about plus I needed to be able to drive to get to work. I too would go out very early in the mornings or late at night when the roads were quiet. Even so it took about 6 months before I lost that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach at the thought of having to sit behind the wheel...
It's hard to explain but somehow it all just 'clicks' and the first time you really feel in control of the car is a fantastic feeling. From then on the shaking sweating feeling slowly subsided and a year ago I applied for, and much to my (and my long suffering husbands ) relief, passed my test.
I still haven't driven in to the city yet and I'm still reluctant to drive anywhere I don't know but I get to where I need to go and most importantly, I'm independant!
Find an instructor who you like and feel comfortable with, and with a dual controlled car you're not going to be a danger to yourself or anyone else. I truly wish you all the very best, you'll be so proud of yourself when you do (and you will!) pass your test.

Karen09

snap! iv been the same for years. im 22 and on many occassion have tried overcome this fear... including councelling. i didnt find any of this any use. the driving lessons made it worse cause the instructer kept braking for me , or using the handbrake for me etc... again crushing my confidence. iv been in 2 horrific accidents so thats where it comes from. my advice which is a slow process but is working for me is get a close friend who u no to be a good driver to bring u to an empty car park at first to get use to driving then every day just do small journeys, for me it was once around the block every evening. its working for me, hope it helps

Susyblue

Hi there Taram

I was in the exact same situation! I loved the idea of having a car and being independent but was PETRIFIED at the thoughts of driving. I was 22 when I started, living in the city all my life so never had a need until I had to do it for work.

What I found is that if you're in the instructors car it makes it a lot easier, knowing that he has full control over it and nothing can happen. I did a pile of lessons with him before I ever even thought about going on even the quietest road. Driving the instructors car will build your confidence while knowing that you are safe. The big step is then when you move to your own car but start off very simply and gradually start going into busier areas.

It'll take longer for you to learn (like me) if you're nervous but you'll get there! I even find now with certain people I know, that I would prefer to be driving (if Im the passenger) because then you're responsible for your own safety, if that makes sense!

Started in Jan 2008, failed the test in Oct 2008, thought I'd be crushed but at that stage I had so much practice that I applied agin the same day and passed. So it does come with time, patience and practice but I would advise doing it ASAP because as with all these things, you get more nervous over time!

Good Luck with it!!!