Birthday - which would you prefer

LegacyUser

seeing a guy just over 2months, all casual, nothing stated yet. we re both 32. it was my birthday recently. was delighted he took me out for dinner as this was the first time so doing. he didn't let me put my hand in my pocket all nite, except i finally got to pay the taxi home! however, he didn't give me anything, not even a card. i think i expected something small but he did take me out for dinner and we're only really "seeing each other" (i think?)
which would u rather, girls, in the context. being taken out or getting a card and gift? it could really only have been a small gift as we re only seeing each other a short while. i wasn't expecting something big.

i was seeing a different guy for a similar period around my bday a couple of yrs ago. he gave me a card and a small gift which i was pleased about yet disappointed he didn't take me out!!

what's reasonable, ya reckon? is it possible that he really should've given me s'thing anyway? and that he didn't, is that bad??

couerdelion

I think most blokes find it awkward by presents for girls even if they've been going out for a while let alone just seeing each other for a couple of months. We also don't like writing cards. What do we write as the message is the usual concern. Heck, we don't buy cards for our best friends!

He took you out and paid for you as his birthday present. Just enjoy that rather than worrying why he didn't buy a present and a card too. Is it some romantic notion that makes him less of a man for not doing so?

LegacyUser

I think from his point of view he preferred to take you for a meal because maybe he thought he would come across as too keen if he got you a present? If I was seeing a guy for 2 months and he took me for a meal & i presume drinks before or after I would be very happy! He could have done neither

bnagrrl

If I took someone out for dinner for their b/day and paid for everything I'd be p1ssed if I found out that they were then questioning why I didn't get them a card and a gift as well. Smacks of ungratefulness to me.

I don't think it's "bad" he didn't get you a gift and given that you're only casually seeing each other for 2 months I think what he did was more than enough.

greatandgood

I think a lot depends on how long you are going out.

It's true that some men may not realise how much the small things mean to women, e.g. cards, flowers. I'm sure you don't want to seem ungrateful but some guys need things spelled out to them on this front, e.g. hints as to what you'd like. However if you're only going out a short while that may be inappropriate (by that I'm guessing anything under 2-3 months).

Imo after that length of time it would be fair to expect (and to give in the reverse scenario) a nice, thoughtful present and to treat your partner to dinner and drinks.

Gyalist

If you didn't say that you were 32, I would have been inclined to think that you were around 15/16.

You're not doing this guy or yourself any favours by comparing him to the last person that you dated. This is a new relationship and people are different.

Joey the lips

Gyalist wrote: »

If you didn't say that you were 32, I would have been inclined to think that you were around 15/16.

You're not doing this guy or yourself any favours by comparing him to the last person that you dated. This is a new relationship and people are different.

I do think your behaviour comes across shallow your prob not explaining enough. I think you done ok. I can buy a girl loads the first week. It does not indicate anything. Infact I think you know where you stand.

I def agree with gyalist comparing although we do a little is a one way road to a dead end relationship.

It seems a strange issue to actually to go through the trouble to write down.

Beruthiel

Unregistered wrote: »

was delighted he took me out for dinner as this was the first time so doing. he didn't let me put my hand in my pocket all nite

That was your birthday present.
And considering the prices charged in this country for eating out, he was very generous indeed.
I cannot believe after knowing him for two months, you expected more than that?
Hell, I'd be happy with that at any time during a relationship. I love good restaurants.
I suggest you lower your expectations, they are far too high.

sardineta

The absence of a card seems telling, in that he wants it to remain casual. Did he get you a Valentine card for example?

tinkerbell

sardineta wrote: »

The absence of a card seems telling, in that he wants it to remain casual. Did he get you a Valentine card for example?

Valentine's Day is so hyped up and crap, I hate it. It's just a hallmark holiday and a money making scam. I always tell my bf not to get me anything on V-Day, I'd rather get randomly surprised with some flowers during the year than getting them on the day that people expect to get them.

OP, I think you're being a bit ungrateful tbh. He brought you out for your birthday and you expected a gift as well. You're only going out for 2 months. The night out was your birthday present.

CDfm

Well he splashed out on dinner but to you its a casual relationship.When are you going to get serious?

Polleta

I was going out with a guy for a similar amount of time and we were in an LDR. I was going over to him for the weekend(the decider weekend) so I brought him a card. I paid for my flights over and stuff and gave him a card. I also gave him a foreign language dictionary as a joke.

That was more than enough I think. He brought me out for dinner though... but then again I had already spent a lot more on travel.

Miss Fluff

I hope to goodness you haven't brough this up with your OH because if it was me you'd be getting your marching orders. Your post smacks of ingratitude. It's a new relationship, grand gestures could be deemed to be inappropriate at such an early stage and you must remember a lot of guys don't "do" cards etc. I think an all expenses paid evening out with dinner and drinks is lovely and shows you he cares and is generous. Why create an issue when there isn't one?

BubbleWrap85

I think you are being quite ungrateful. You are only seeing each other 2 months. You still see it as "casual" so why should he buy you anything? I think he was more than generous enough taking you for dinner and NOT LETTING YOU PUT YOUR HAND IN YOUR POCKET ALL NIGHT! Personally, I get quite embarrassed if I'm not allowed to pay for anything all night! I can't believe you're annoyed over not receiving a small gift and card. Seems that you're one of those women who give the rest of us a bad name if the fella forgets flowers or a card or something, or expects to be given gifts and spoiled all the time. I don't mean to be harsh but I think you're being a little shallow.

There is such a phrase such as "It's the thought that counts".................

LegacyUser

sardineta wrote: »

The absence of a card seems telling, in that he wants it to remain casual. Did he get you a Valentine card for example?

oh, god - i really did appreciate the dinner. it was really nice of him, of course it was. it's actually not about the present either. i really think that i was disappointed to not get a card as it's something personal. i was wondering was the lack of a card a message that he wants to keep things casual. i guess i just don't know what he thinks of me as nothing has ever been said. maybe as he's never actually said s'thing, i hoped he'd write s'thing in a card.

but from all the OP's what he did do was very good and only one OP picked up on the lack of a card thing.

ok i must be very ungrateful and VERY insecure

but thanks for giving me a good slap!