How much stalking is too much?

dublinario

I've been loitering around Enya's house a little more than I used to. I've always been harmlessly obsessive about celebrities, but I'm thinking about taking it to the next level, perhaps breaking into her house and stealing some of her loose hair, or killing a family pet.

I don't want to stray too far over the line and end up in the realm of creepiness. God knows stalking already gets a bum rap in the media, and I certainly don't want to be portrayed as some kind of freak just because I carved 'ENYA' into the inside of my anus with a household fork.

But what is the etiquette here? How much stalking is considered mannerly, and how much is considered poor taste?

Stercus Accidit

dublinario wrote: »

I certainly don't want to be portrayed as some kind of freak just because I carved 'ENYA' into the inside of my anus with a household fork.

This whole post is bollox bar this part, bravo.

My name is URL

Any more than 2 nights a week in the bushes in front of her gaf is too much, imo

biko

It's not stalking if you're rich.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

As Marge said: you haven't so much crossed the line, you threw up on it.

petes

dublinario wrote: »

But what is the etiquette here? How much stalking is considered mannerly, and how much is considered poor taste?

Is any stalking mannerly?

dublinario

Upward Spiral wrote: »

Any more than 2 nights a week in the bushes in front of her gaf is too much, imo

It's a fine line, particularly if the bush is shaking...

dublinario

Insurgent wrote: »

Is any stalking mannerly?

Absolutely. It's the simple touches. For example, not reversing the charges when making a heavy breather call is considered courteous.

jobucks

dublinario wrote: »

I've been loitering around Enya's house a little more than I used to. I've always been harmlessly obsessive about celebrities, but I'm thinking about taking it to the next level, perhaps breaking into her house and stealing some of her loose hair, or killing a family pet.

I don't want to stray too far over the line and end up in the realm of creepiness. God knows stalking already gets a bum rap in the media, and I certainly don't want to be portrayed as some kind of freak just because I carved 'ENYA' into the inside of my anus with a household fork.

But what is the etiquette here? How much stalking is considered mannerly, and how much is considered poor taste?

You know she's moved house right???

Pighead

You're rubbish at stalking. Real stalkers would never be so foolish to give away their stalking secrets on a national message board.

Also you look ridiculous on your PC with your trousers and underpants down by your ankles. Pull them up and stop the messing.

dublinario

jobucks wrote: »

You know she's moved house right???

Know? Sure wasn't I attached to the undercarriage of her car when she made the move. I tell you, you only appreciate just how many speed bumps Ireland has when you're belted to the petrol tank of Enya's Morris Minor.

dublinario

Pighead wrote: »

Also you look ridiculous on your PC with your trousers and underpants down by your ankles. Pull them up and stop the messing.

Firstly, I'm wearing Y-fronts. Secondly, I don't want to live in a world where I have to conduct my online dealings without 85% of my flesh naked to the wind.

SoWatchaWant

Stalking's a bit creepy I think.

Fizman

Too much stalking is never enough.

dublinario

SoWatchaWant wrote: »

Stalking's a bit creepy I think.

Maybe the stalkers are creeped out by your non-stalking, vanilla social patterns. Did you ever think about that? A stalker looks at you walking down the street, hand-in-hand with your partner, and thinks "why isn't one of them shadowing the other from a distance, stopping to lick or sniff surfaces that the other has touched along the way". Stalkers are the real victims here, forced to live in a world of restrained normality.

Pighead

dublinario wrote: »

Firstly, I'm wearing Y-fronts. Secondly, I don't want to live in a world where I have to conduct my online dealings without 85% of my flesh naked to the wind.

Three month old crust that has stuck to your upper thighs in a shape that vaguely resemblance the letter Y does not equal Y-Fronts. Thats like Pighead drawing two circles around his eyes and two lines from the corner of his eyes back to his ears and claiming he's wearing glasses. No dice dublinario.

deadhead13

dublinario wrote: »

I carved 'ENYA' into the inside of my anus with a household fork.

As a way of showing Enya how much she means to you, I would suggest attempting to show her the inside of your anus would be a step too far.

Exneigh

Don't go blazing in with both barrels, you must allow your target to be comfortable with each new level of your stalking Program.

Consider moving from hanging around outside her home to maybe climbing a tree for a better look in her toilet window.
Remember.. blow your proverbial beans too fast and she will just call the Police.

It will take a gradual effort of about two years before your able to enter the property without spooking the target and causing her to run and even then, remember wind direction and speed. stay downwind..

Enyas have a notoriously good sense of smell and can reach speeds of 25mph at full gallop.

Good Hunting!

dublinario

Pighead wrote: »

Three month old crust that has stuck to your upper thighs in a shape that vaguely resemblance the letter Y does not equal Y-Fronts. Thats like Pighead drawing two circles around his eyes and two lines from the corner of his eyes back to his ears and claiming he's wearing glasses. No dice dublinario.

Crust-fronts are just as effective as Y-fronts. The objective in both cases is to protect the modesty of the wearer, by obscuring the penis, balls, and anus. All you lose in adopting a crust-based system over a Y-fronts system, is the elasticised, hammock-like support for your testicles.

dublinario

deadhead13 wrote: »

As a way of showing Enya how much she means to you, I would suggest attempting to show her the inside of your anus would be a step too far.

It could be done, with a complex array of mirrors. It would be similar to Newgrange, with all the apparatus aligning correctly but once a year, for a spectacular eye full.

dublinario

Exneigh wrote: »

Don't go blazing in with both barrels, you must allow your target to be comfortable with each new level of your stalking Program.

Consider moving from hanging around outside her home to maybe climbing a tree for a better look in her toilet window.
Remember.. blow your proverbial beans too fast and she will just call the Police.

It will take a gradual effort of about two years before your able to enter the property without spooking the target and causing her to run and even then, remember wind direction and speed. stay downwind..

Enyas have a notoriously good sense of smell and can reach speeds of 25mph at full gallop.

Good Hunting!

Sir, there is much I can learn from you. I pay particular heed to your advice on indoors approach and timing. I remember getting a rush of adrenaline in Twink's house a few years back, startling her, and then engaging in an exhausting chase around her plush abode. She was oilier than an eel, and I simply couldn't pin her down. So I just set the house on fire and left. A lesson learned.

Homer

dublinario wrote: »

I carved 'ENYA' into the inside of my anus with a household fork.

Hmmm, if Enya were to get a look at said carvings would it not read EN 'O' YA??

and say who the feck is ENOYA????

I don't think you've thought this through properly my friend!

Zadkiel

Stalking is such an ugly word I find
can we agree on a nicer less judgemental word like...Soulmate surveillance?
She does love me

dublinario

Homer wrote: »

Hmmm, if Enya were to get a look at said carvings would it not read EN 'O' YA??

and say who the feck is ENOYA????

I don't think you've thought this through properly my friend!

It isn't hard to tell that you're a doctor by trade. Tell me sir, where is your practice? I've been having a little trouble lately. My ENOYA has started to trickle blood again. Any chance you could take a gander?

Zadkiel

Homer wrote: »

Hmmm, if Enya were to get a look at said carvings would it not read EN 'O' YA??

and say who the feck is ENOYA????

I don't think you've thought this through properly my friend!

( en * ya )

dublinario

Zadkiel wrote: »

Stalking is such an ugly word I find
can we agree on a nicer less judgemental word like...Soulmate surveillance?
She does love me

I once soulmate surveilled a young lady* to a full-blown nervous breakdown. Ever since, there has been a very different kind of surveillance about my person, courtesy of the Gardaí Siochána.

* - I say 'lady', but it was really more of a family

Mr.Lizard

Learn from the best OP.

http://www.popcrunch.com/the-15-nuttiest-celebrity-stalkers-of-all-time/

AnonoBoy

Great thread title.

Top marks.

AnonoBoy

Mr.Lizard wrote: »

Learn from the best OP.

http://www.popcrunch.com/the-15-nuttiest-celebrity-stalkers-of-all-time/

I glanced quickly at that link and though "Jaysus! Jennifer Love Hewitt used to stalk Steven Spielberg!!!"

ScumLord

A stalker most move in secret, make no noise and be prepared to jeopardise their comfort for one piece of slightly used toast. As long as the stalker is never seen and always leaves a box of milk tray they can sniff their way through as many knickers as time will allow.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Zadkiel wrote: »

Stalking is such an ugly word I find
can we agree on a nicer less judgemental word like...Soulmate surveillance?
She does love me

Hide and Seek for adults!

Zadkiel

Ikky Poo2 wrote: »

Hide and Seek for adults!

Or Stealth Courting!:o

Quazzie

I find when I am wearing their skin I have gone too far.

Zadkiel

Quazzie2002 wrote: »

I find when I am wearing their skin I have gone too far.

" IT rubs the Lotion on it's skin!":eek:

Hagar

dublinario wrote: »

Know? Sure wasn't I attached to the undercarriage of her car when she made the move. I tell you, you only appreciate just how many speed bumps Ireland has when you're belted to the petrol tank of Enya's Morris Minor.

She doesn't have a Morris Minor, she has a Maybach. Like this one in Black AFAIK.
Some stalker, amateur, pffft...

Capt'n Midnight

Telephoto lenses are good but if you can get a NUJ card as well you are sorted.