Times running out

Bonj15

Right so i im in college and theres this girl that lives near me that i have got on well with but recently i have seen her in a different light and she's all i can think about.
Now im not blessed with talking to girls in that way but im friends with loads of girls.
Problem i have is that i make friends with girls i like and thats all they will ever be because i dont want to ruin any relationship i have with them. I always meet this girl on nights out and we end up talking for ages for the whole night!! I cant stop thinking of her and when i see her it just seems like i got the whole world in my hands.
Now the semester is coming to an end soon and i really need her to know how i feel,I just need some advice on how to approach her?

LegacyUser

Tell her, easier said than done I hear you say.

Ask her out for tea/coffee/lunch on her own. This breaks the usual routine of going out with friends etc and indicates to her that you want to spend time just with her. This will give you a chance to get to know her better whilst also sussing out how she might feel. If after one or two of these "outings" you feel more comfortable you can ask her out properly/tell her her feelings.

Good luck!

myusernameis

this sounds familiar to my situation, but im the girl liking the guy!

yeah i have to agree with unreg, you jus have to ask her like for a cup of tea or go down the pub for a drink which ever one you before, and you could try and see whether she fancies you back? does she flirt with you? what i do is i try and get talking to him and just happy in general maybe might throw in the odd hand on the arm but not all girls do this depends how confident she is, and lots of eyecontact

yep but honestly just go for it! before summer comes and then its too late, keep us posted,

cantdecide

...and don't give too much respect to your friendships with said girls. They will come and go anyway so don't be afraid to speak up if you fancy someone. Best of luck with this one though...

zxcvbnm1

Ya - this whole 'I don't want to ruin our friendship' attitude is one i've never understood.
I think it's something that people say without actually thinking it through and actually believing it.

Yes - i can understand why it's not the ideal if a friendship is ruined.

But if she was just a friend then woudl you be equally concerned if one of your male friends friendships brioke down for some reason?
I'm guessing you'd recover pretty quickly.

Basically i think people use the lne of being afraid to ruin the friendship as a way to let themselves off the hook for not having the balls to tell someone they fancy them.

My point is this is not a proper fiendship anyway seeing a you fancy her.
You fancying her is by far and away the oevrriding emotion from your perspective.
This 'don't want to ruin the friendship' attitude is just nonsense.

So - if you ask me you shoudl tell her whatever way you feel most comfortable with.

I wouldn't necessarily agree with thsi idea of taking her to the pub where the whole evening is obviously a big lead up to make this grand announcement.
It completely intensifies the situation.
That's the last thing you want to do.
That said - if you are comfortable with that then go for it. I'mguessing you are not though seeing as you have raised this thread.

In my book you shoudl do it anyway you want.
If you feel email is easiest then do it.
If you feel texting is easiest then do it.

Bottom line is if she's also interested then she will let you know irrespective of what way of communication you choose.
As in - she is not gonna say 'oh i would have been interested had he had the balls to tell me face to face therefore i am not interested anymore'

Use smoke signals if you have to.

If you really feel you can't tell her face to face then do email/text.

Bottom line for you is she knows.
And if that does ruin teh friendship then so be it.
You'll make other friends.

bnagrrl

Next time you're out chatting with her ask her would she like to go out for a drink/coffee/lunch. Worst thing she can say is "no" and better you find out than always be thinking "what if...", right?

CDfm

I used to hate the ask out bit.

Go up to her and if you think she likes you rather than ask her in a formal date movies stuff tell her you are sort of interested in art/play/chick flick and would love to go to XXX exibition/play/ movie but would feel funny going there on your own.

You will have made your move but not in a lecherous way and its easy for her to say yes to.

If you are in Dublin IMMA Kilmainhan Hospital is a good one on a Sunday afternoon and has a nice coffee shop in the basement too. Its quiet and public and nice -if not a bit romantic and couply.

After a few hours even if it doesnt work out its still a pleasant afternoon.You can gauge if she wants to meet again and making the second date is trickier. " I really enjoyed this - would you like to ....."

Most stuff on dating is a bit cliched and most people get nerves asking someone they fancy out.

G-Money

I need to take my own advice in this respect, but you should just go for it. I was in a position a number of years ago where there was a girl I liked and I had the chance for something to happen and I didn't take it. Shortly after she met someone else and I was gutted.

You will be kicking yourself for ages if you don't take a chance with this girl. I mean how often do you meet someone you really like?

I know you say you don't want to ruin friendships but there comes a time when that's not enough. Maybe it's just me but I have female friends and if we fancied each other, the friendship wouldn't hold me back in the slightest. I don't know if I value friendships as much as some other people, but when it comes to girls I like, being "friends" is the booby prize every time.

CDfm

grandmaster wrote: »

I know you say you don't want to ruin friendships but there comes a time when that's not enough.

its not about ruining friendships -its about saving her from Mr Wrong and a rotten life.